He doesnt wash

[Nothingisavailabl]

Am I being unreasonable?

My partner has a really annoying habit of not washing. I understand that to some, I am a bit anal with showering every day without fail, and I will always start my day with food, teeth brushed, shower had, hair wash every three/four days. I have looked in to numerous surveys on male vs female hygiene habits, and after finding it mind boggling at first, I dont mind accepting that he feels better showering less often than most. But. And here's the big but for me: he rolls out of bed, shoves 'floordrobe' trousers over yesterday's boxers, (he does change for a fresh pair of socks 2 or 3 times a day) then leaves the house after a quick tooth brushing session (no food/drink), with an unironed shirt and dandruff, visible, on greasy hair topped off with a strange halfway-to-hobo beard...I find that minging.
We all know that feeling from being alseep all night, when your face is a bit sweaty, a bit greasy, a bit "could do with a wash" even if you dont have time for a full shower, at least a clean face, right?...he has a very good job, meetings fill most days, he is heavily relied on and has been pulled on his shabby appearance more than once - he'll go a couple of months with an obviously outgrown haircut, not an 'im growing it' look, more an "im a tramp and dont give shit" look.

Aside from the fact that I feel anyone who comes into contact with him must instantly assume we are all unkept slobs in my household, (i dont have to meet them, i dont care) I worry that its 100% turned me off! I dont want to hug a bod that hasnt seen clean water for most of the worikng week, I dont want to bed down with someone whose arsehole had a freshen up on a sunday and maybe, if its lucky, again by thursday. It makes my skin crawl!
I ask him to shower and he quietly shrugs it off and carries on with his day! I dont want to hug that. Let alone indulge in sexual contact involving anything more than a peck on the cheek!
Help!
I have asked if hes depressed, if he dislikes the shower/bathroom, if the products we have hurt or irritate his skin, if he fears water (which i know is not true - hes a good swimmer!)...i think its just downright laziness 😭😭

he is heavily relied on and has been pulled on his shabby appearance more than once

So his employer has had to tackled him about this and still he ignores it? He needs to wake up to himself that his lack of self care (and care for your sense of smell) is going to greatly impact on how far he will progress, his attitude shows a lack of care and respect for himself and others and eventually that will catch up with him.

I am in the same boat OP but we are married with two children. It's awful. My DH doesn't smell so thinks its fine. He veers between once a week but one time he left it three weeks.

I've made every excuse in the book for him. He went through a phase of putting an alarm on his phone and washed every day. Surprisingly that didn't instantly turn me on.

We haven't had sex for four years. I cant even hug him. Blurgh. If we split up I will have to leave the family home but at the same time I am worried about my children growing up in a loveless home.

Please don't ever put yourself in my position. There is no easy way out.

Not only is he a filthy slob...

He is making it plain to you that he doesn't care about your feelings.

If this has been going on for 18 months, it isn't going to get better.

I'd cut my losses.

He’s making me feel a bit itchy just from reading about it. Grim. I’d have got rid as soon as I realised he was a soap dodger.

Ugh no I just couldn’t be doing with that.

I sympathise all round. I shower daily except for weekends if I’m not going out of the house or just dropping/picking up household members without getting out of the car. If it was just me and I didn’t work or mingle with others including family I would honestly try and shower once a week, twice at most. Alas, due to working/living in a household/mingling with general public at shops etc I shower daily.

I HATE it. Don’t like the water. Don’t like faffing about getting clean. I don’t feel any better being clean no matter how dirty/sweaty I am, in fact I feel gross getting out of the shower all drippy and wet and towelling off is horrid. But I do it. I’m also jealous of our ancestors who had limited washing facilities and as it was a huge drama it was infrequent, generally once a week on Sunday prior to church. I once read monkeys detest getting wet and it’s one of the reasons they don’t swim as they could do (not sure at all whether that is true btw). I’m sure I have a strong evolutionary link.

@HoppingPavlova

Is your case a sensory issue? An old housemate of mine used to HATE showering because of the way the water made her feel. She's aspie.

OP you cannot compare your choice of hairstyle with his lack of basic hygiene.

HoppingPavlova yuck! In this modern age where having a bathroom in every household is basic, there’s no excuse for being grim and unwashed. Think about this. You go to the toilet every day for a wee and poo, right? No matter how thoroughly you wipe after that, traces of wee and poo remain on your skin and start to fester and smell. Your armpit also evaporates sweat you might not be able to smell yourself but others can. These areas have to be soaped every day. You don’t have to soap other large areas of your body such as legs, back,stomach etc because let’s face it, we don’t really get dirty/greasy/sweaty there. If the water just runs down those bodyparts, it should be enough. So having a shower every day is not a hassle and not really time consuming. You might think people don’t notice if you haven’t washed for 3 days but believe me, most of them can. Though if you avoid human company for days and you are not bothered by your own grimness then it’s your business.
Btw I don’t just keep clean for other people, I primarily do it for myself.

I'll never understand how someone's standards are so low a minger like this even gets a girlfriend.

You can't complain about it if you tolerate it, surely? He chooses not to wash. You choose to be with him in spite of that. It seems quite simple.

@Hotorcoldmakeupyourmind, do you need your own post? Why would you have to leave the house.

Both my dds got a little resistant to daily bath or shower when they were about 12. After discussing it, it boiled down to them hating the ‘drying themselves’ bit because it’s a bit of a faff and they’re lazy teenagers. The whole problem was solved with towelling bathrobes. Straight out of the water, into a robe and, by the time they’ve then cleaned their teeth, they’re dry with no effort. You obviously shouldn’t have to wet-nelly around after a grown man like he’s a pre-pubescent teen but, a bathrobe might help.
Personally though, it would be a deal-breaker for me. Have you been explicit about how this is potentially relationship-ending for you? If someone couldn’t be bothered to spend fewer than 5 minutes in a shower, for no other reason then because I asked them to, I think I’d be out of there.

Sorry, this made me gag.
I don’t know how you could even sleep in the same bed as him.
Soap dodging is a dealbreaker for me.

So... why are you with him?

How the hell do you keep your bed linen clean with that manky fucker ?
Ewwwww
Raise your standards OP.

hating the ‘drying themselves’ bit because it’s a bit of a faff and they’re lazy teenagers. The whole problem was solved with towelling bathrobes.

I do exactly the same but for reasons of efficiency (except I have a cotton waffle robe, I find towelling too cumbersome). While my body is drying itself, I have done hair and makeup, then direct back to bedroom to get dressed, no faffing about between rooms. And it's warmer too.

Why? Why are you putting up with this? It's revolting

Fuck me-that would be a deal breaker for me/do you ever have sex?

That’s vile-doesn’t he smell?

I have similar troubles with my son - getting him to shower and change his socks is a daily battle. But he is 11 and has sensory issues. I’ll show him this post, I’m sure he doesn’t want to be the man that all the women are talking about on MN!

My husband can be a bit lazy about washing daily. I have a bath every night so leave the water in for him and tell him his bath's ready. Not ideal, I mean I feel like his bloody mother nagging him but needs must.

I assumed the sock changing thing was a typo and she meant three times a week?
I couldn't live with someone like this, it's ultimatum time.

Seriously, he is disgusting! He needs good stern telling, no pink and fluffy persuasion . I would start sleeping separate, wouldn't sit next to him, or eat with him, and make sure he knows why, pull no punches, sorry but he sounds repulsive.

Socks are deffo three or 4 times a day

Thank you all for your input, I think I have enough courage and sides of the coin now to approach him in a mature way instead of just flying off the handle and seeming like someone who is justover emotional with a lack of valid point - iv never been too good at explaining myself and this thread has helped alot x