Telling a child who isn't yours to put a coat on

[blardyfeck]

Ok so I've a history of anxiety & I dwell on things a lot.
I was picking up ds7 today & one of his friends ran towards our group of mums standing together. It was raining. The friend was wearing his polo shirt & carrying his bag & coat.
I said hi to him & then said "gosh you should really put your coat on, it's raining" and started to help him by taking his bag to hold for him. His dad (who I know fairly well) then arrived & I said "hi I was just getting him to put his coat on" and his dad said "he doesn't have to put his coat on if he doesn't want to". Then they walked off.
I now feel sick with worry that I've pissed off the dad by doing something that I would be totally ok with if another parent did with my ds.
Am I a twat for trying to get another persons child to put on a coat in the rain?
Am I a twat for worrying that I've pissed off the dad who will then tell the mum who'll also be pissed off with me?
Am I over-thinking this? (probably)

When overthinking gets me I try and think is the other person likely to be dwelling on this? (No) and will this matter in 2 weeks times? (Doubt it) and things often dissipate

I know what's like to feel emotionally/socially fragile, and look back on things like this and feel tense and anxious. But remember, you were being kind and a nice person, and it is the Dad's fault for making it weird, not yours. Xxx

My youngest never wore a coat or a jumper and lived in shorts but if someone had suggested he put a coat on because he was wet and it was cold I would be grateful and say thank you even if he took his coat off the minute we went out of sight.

My DS won't wear coats. He does not appear to feel the cold. I get so sick of one particular mother who keeps telling me he is 'blue with cold' and telling me/him he should have a coat on when he just has very pale skin, even in the height of summer.

While I wouldn't have said anything I would have thought someone telling my child to put their coat on was overstepping. If my child doesn't want their coat on that's up to them, it doesn't bother me and I wouldn't expect another parent to get involved.

You didn't behave "wrong" just "weird". Other parents don't normally try and dress other people's children.

I would find it a bit officious and irritating and agree with others about not touching other people’s children.

I would find it a bit officious and irritating and agree with others about not touching other people’s children

She held his bag for him.

It was kind of you to help him with his coat. He didn't mind, so there's nothing to worry about.
The dad was probably instinctively defensive because it's been an issue before. Lots of kids either don't feel the cold or just refuse to wear a coat, which makes you feel like you look a bad parent, or feel like you have to justify something that you've long decided is not the hill to die on! Or he might just be a bit defensive about anything parenty, like if you say "I'm just doing X" he feels like you're saying "you should have done X". Either way he reacted like a bit of a knob but we all have bad days. Definitely not anything to give any thought to.

She didn't behave "weird" at all! She was being caring and trying to be helpful. Takes a village and all that.

The Dad was obviously in a grumpy mood or worrying about his own things. The usual response would be "oh thanks." Or "yes Joe, better get your coat on." Or y'know, just a smile.

Don't worry pet.

The dad was probably instinctively defensive because it's been an issue before.

Bet this is it. Maybe the Mum has had words about it with him or something.

Not the point of the thread, but ShinyGiratina and iMatter - it is a relief when others have DC who live in shorts. I can't help feeling others are judging me and probably are when DC2 is running around in them in all weathers.

Neither of you did anything wrong. But you did clearly go into what is a point of contention between parent and child that has been resolved by him deciding if he wears it. I have a child who strips of the moment he comes out to cool down. You

Nothing wrong with your comment but ubless your really close to the family I think helping him was overstepping the mark and I can see why Dad was annoyed.

I can’t believe anyone in this world would be arsed at a Child’s friends mum gently saying ‘pop your coat on’. Absolutely mind boggling.

‘Put your fucking coat on you wee twat’ is different. But all this hand wringing ‘my child never feels cold, my child won’t wear a coat and I’d never attempt to actually parent and tell them to wear one, my child doesn’t have to do anything they don’t want to, my child is the second coming of friggin’ Jesus...’ ... exhausting.

@Sunflowerdaisysummer so when your kid is 13 on a school ski trip and won’t put their coat on to go skiing, the instructor will be ‘officious’ to tell them to do so? Righto.

@keepsmiling2015 what a horrible thing to say. Other people’s business ? I despair. If your kids falling from the top of the climbing frame remind me not to step in and help them, just in case I’m ‘in your business’. Get a grip of yourself. You’re going to create a precocious brat if that’s the attitude towards other parents.

Slightly different scenario isn’t it

Yes it is but where’s the line, and what are you teaching your child ?

I honestly don’t think you are teaching your child anything - or if you are it is that you can decide for yourself how hot / cold / warm / cool you are and that it’s okay to politely say no thank you.

I wouldn’t mind a bit if another parent said ‘it’s raining, would you like me to hold your bag so you can pop your coat on’ but I do think effectively commanding the child to do so is overstepping the parenting line

It used to really irritate me when I was holding baby DD and if she was wearing a dress her nappy would sometimes be on show. I had someone once declare in a scandalised voice that DD was ‘showing her knickers’ - she was 10 months!

Just generally speaking I think it’s best to offer and ask rather than instruct and command where other people’s kids are concerned unless it’s obviously dangerous.

I probably wouldn't have bothered to try and get someone else's child to put their cost on. My 10 year old refuses to wear a coat whatever the weather and I've given up trying to force him. Maybe this child is the same. Having said that the dad could have been less abrupt about it.

Oh the Dad was being a twat.

No more no less. Don't stress over it, honestly.

And I say that as an extreme anxiety sufferers who spent yesterday in bed because of it.

Hope things feel better for you soon

I wouldn’t be annoyed with you if you did this to my DC but she has sensory issues and because you are an adult, she would put her coat on for you but then I’d have to listen to her crying for half an hour. I always make her carry her coat so other parents can see she does have one and is not just out without it, but maybe I should rethink that now.

You just took the limelight off him and he probably thought It should have done that'. But you did right and he should have thanked you. He's an arse.

@Footiefan2019 I think you are getting carried away. My child is instructed not to run in the road or to throw stones, swear of be unkind to others. I will not force them to put on a coat as only they know if they are cold/hot. It's the basics of 'teaching them' body autonomy. Said in a previous post my dc would have done it had a vaguely known adult instructed them and DD1 would have just taken it off round the corner. Dd2 would have felt she was in trouble and possibly burst in to tears on seeing me. She's shy/awkward with adults she doesn't know well and would have thought she was in trouble.