Telling a child who isn't yours to put a coat on

[blardyfeck]

Ok so I've a history of anxiety & I dwell on things a lot.
I was picking up ds7 today & one of his friends ran towards our group of mums standing together. It was raining. The friend was wearing his polo shirt & carrying his bag & coat.
I said hi to him & then said "gosh you should really put your coat on, it's raining" and started to help him by taking his bag to hold for him. His dad (who I know fairly well) then arrived & I said "hi I was just getting him to put his coat on" and his dad said "he doesn't have to put his coat on if he doesn't want to". Then they walked off.
I now feel sick with worry that I've pissed off the dad by doing something that I would be totally ok with if another parent did with my ds.
Am I a twat for trying to get another persons child to put on a coat in the rain?
Am I a twat for worrying that I've pissed off the dad who will then tell the mum who'll also be pissed off with me?
Am I over-thinking this? (probably)

The Dad’s a complete arsehole. Avoid play dates with his child...

That seems a bit extreme 74NewStreet.

Far easier to tell yourself he was having a bad day/mind on something else/he has given up on telling his son to put his coat on and was having a "FGS not again!" moment. Then move on.

You were right
Other dad is an ineffectual parent

Yup, dad was a twat

Mine take their coats off. They'll get cold if they get cold, then realise mum was right. If another adult tried to dress them they'd also speak up for themselves. Dad wasn't a "twat", kid could've told.you no. Meh.

7 is more than old enough to work out if they are comfortable or not, so I wouldn't mention it to a child not in my care.

But then I have a hot-blooded sensory child who hasn't gone out with knees covered since sledging in -6oC during the Beast from the East (It was actually a sharp enough windchill to consent to wearing waterproof over trousers on top of his shorts and legwarmers) Most people at school are now used to him wearing shorts at least 364 days of the year. The occasional comment is politely responded with about him being hot-blooded.

If you are running around and hot, going out into wind and rain can be quite refreshing. I was out running for an hour earlier in a long and short sleeved t-shirt, all walkers were bundled up in thick coats, woolly hats etc. My thin windproof was tied around my waist within 10 minutes.

Don't overthink it. Move on.

I find it a bit annoying when people tell my kid to put his coat on - it does make me feel a bit judged. DS is really challenging and one of the things I've decided not to battle over is whether he wears a coat. He's old enough to decide for himself.

That said, what you said wouldn't be a big problem to me, I would understand why you did and I certainly wouldnt get snippy with you for saying it

I also suspect the situation where the kid is always refusing to wear his coat and the parents have decided to let him learn the hard way that no coat = cold. The comment probably just slipped out. But he was still rude and you’ve nothing to feel bad about. Maybe he’s at home now feeling bad about what he said and wishing he’d thought about it a bit more.

Some of you have made some salient points. Parents often choose their battles, some prefer to leave coat-wearing decisions to their children, some don't want other parents getting involved.
I will bear all these things in mind in future.

You didn’t do anything you shouldn’t have. I understand the ‘trying to see it from the dad’s point of view’ thing but not sure it’s massively helpful with anxiety - if yours is anything like mine any comment that may sound even slightly critical would be focused on and all other reassuring comments would not get a word in edgeways in my head. Be assured that no matter what the back story with the dad is/how he might have been feeling you definitely did nothing wrong. Try and block it from your thoughts now and distract yourself. Anxiety is so horrible.

To clarify, I don’t think any poster on this thread has said anything critical - it’s just when I’m in an anxious state I could pick up on anything and my mind would turn it into a criticism/feed the thing I was worried about. Op may not be like this.

Try and gently remind yourself that social interactions aren't divided into 'I behaved correctly' and 'I was a complete idiot and they'll hate me forever'. The guy pointed out that it wasn't a big deal if his ds didn't want to wear his coat. He's right - you pick your battles. But that doesn't mean that what you said was in any way bad or offensive. It's your anxiety telling you that you did wrong.

You were kind to the child.

I am very grateful to the occasional mum friend who has stepped in to help my DC with their coat etc. when I've been struggling with 100 bags, a toddler who bolts and two scooters. I would be grateful to you in this situation.

Think nothing more about it

You were kind

The dad's an arse

You did nothing wrong

Please don't give it another thought

You're not a twat
The dad's not a twat

My ds often rips his coat off as soon as he gets out of school...rain or cold, we get home, he gets changed. I'd probably be bit surprised if a friend started getting his coat on for him, I wouldn't think you were a twat, but I might worry a bit that you were judging me!

Why does my phone autocorrect 'twat' to 'year'? (Sorry....slightly off point)

I think it's kind to suggest putting a coat on. I might be mis-understanding your OP, but then did you start touching the child/ his bag without his asking or agreeing to that? If it were me, that would not feel OK. Not the biggest deal but children should not have to be touched by strangers and at 7 are able to put their coat o/ take bag off themselves. Perhaps that's what the dad was responding to? I doubt he's still thinking about it though.

I'm a very over sensitive person and would feel extremely defensive if another parent at school put my kids coat on and then told me that's what they were doing. If I'd had a bad day I know I'd take it the wrong way.

Not saying you were in the wrong at all just offering another perspective.

He's the twat! Who lets their kid out in the rain in the winter with no coat on? Luckily there's people like you around OP with some common bloody sense!

To be fair my dc don't tend to wear many clothes.. we live in Scotland and it's common for kids to be running around in shorts or short sleeves in all weathers - dd hasn't worn tights or trousers since last March. They'd probably be too polite to refuse if someone they vaguely knew told them to put their coat on and I'd think it a bit pointless as they take it back off round the corner but I wouldn't be annoyed, probably just a little amused however maybe as pp have said he might have been having a bad day

Unless you nailed the coat onto the child you didn't do anything wrong. You were instinctively being kind and protective, there is nothing wrong with that. Try not to worry about it.

I don't think it's very fair to say this dad is an arse or a bad dad - none of you have any idea what that dad had been through that day or any on going issues with his son!!
My daughter is now 12 but often doesn't wear a coat of jumper when other parents have deemed it necessary and were not shy in telling me either!!
Having someone else tell you over and over that she should be wearing a coat or a jumper is draining and makes me feel like shit to be honest!! My daughter has ocd and finds wearing some clothes a real trouble. I'm not fighting with her over it, I just make she's warm and dry when she gets home.
I understand people come on here to get opinions from others but some people are so judgemental it's downright horrible!

Look I must be honest and say that would really annoy me. Telling a child put on their coat, helping them and then telling the parent. Seems a bit passive aggressive or busy body. My daughter hates wearing her coat so I let her choose when he puts in on and takes it off. I hate wearing a coat and I always get comments oh you must be so cold, oh I'm freezing looking at you, how can you not wear a coat etc. Ugh it's so annoying. It's none of their business A child won't die from a bit of cold or rain, sounds like they were running he was probably sweating. I would just have left the parent deal with their own child tbh.

My kids can decide for themselves too, if they want their coat on. But they'd tell you that. Don't worry about it.

Just to add that if you have anxiety and over think situations such as this maybe you could minimise stress for yourself by not getting involved in other people's business where possible going forward, especially when it concerns a child.