How do I get DD aged 3 to walk sensibly

[Horsesforcourses38]

DD is 3.5 and generally well behaved (for a pre schooler...) except when it comes to walking anywhere when she turns into a total demon.

We walk to nursery along a busy road. I have been strict about not running off and holding my hand whenever we need to cross a side road. She was gradually getting better (although with pretty much constant reminders from me to slow down, stay close etc) but we have had another nightmare today. We bumped into one of her friends so she kept running off, completely ignoring my calls to stop, and even refused to hold my hand crossing the road so I had to pull her back by the hood of her coat to stop her running out in front of her car.

Now we are home she hasn't been allowed a treat (I normally let her have a small biscuit or something when we get home) and no TV either which has caused a huge tantrum. I really hope this gets the message across because I don't know what else to try. She is so stubborn and we had a long chat about why she wasn't being allowed any TV and it took her ages to admit she'd done anything wrong.

My husband used to let her use the scooter when he did drop off and pick up but I've now banned it as she couldn't be trusted not to ride off without us, it feels like the damage has already been done though. I feel like we have made a rod for our own backs by not being stricter from the start.

What can I do to improve things? I see all these other kids walking along holding their parents' hands and feel like such a rubbish mum

Reins, or one of those backpacks with a strap, or take the buggy and put her straight into it each and every time she dicks around.

A wrist strap or reins. I'm expecting the 'it's a child not a dog' brigade, but a child's safety trumps all that.

Do you have an old stroller? I’d be tempted to take it it with you and if she doesn’t listen, she goes in the buggy.

Just use reins. It’s frightening easy for a LO to slip hands.

Reins. I kept mine for a few years after they were really needed as a warning that they would come back into use as a consequence for silliness. Last used at about age 5

I see all these other kids walking along holding their parents' hands and feel like such a rubbish mum

No, don’t feel like that, she’s just being a rubbish kid atm

Definitely get reins or a wrist strap. I mostly used reins with a new walker, to catch them if they fell, but would also use them with an older child who was inclined to run off.

If she doesn’t like them she’ll learn pretty quickly how to avoid having them.

Definitely toddler reins. Before she runs into the road and is killed by a lorry.
I used reins for both my DDs. They were great for ensuring they didn’t run off, and also to save them from skinned knees when they were learning to walk - I just jerked the rein up if they fell, to avoid their knees hitting the pavement.
You could explain to DD that the reins are essential for safety until she has earned trust and learned to behave properly when out walking with you.
I’d also encourage her to develop her road sense. Ask her to tell you when it’s safe to cross - get her to look both ways, find a zebra crossing, deal with parked cars blocking her view etc. The final decision is still yours, but you’ll be teaching her how to make safe decisions, and giving her a sense of responsibility and the pride of being consulted. Treating her like an adult (or older child) will help her to behave like one.

Wrist strap or reins. Better that that be hit by a car. My nearly 4 year old has only just come off a wrist strap but it's in my bag all the time should I need it.

Backpack reins. My son refused the buggy from 2 years old but I don't drive so we had a lot of walking to do. He wore the backpack and I had the rein loop around my wrist but insisted on holding hands. The rein was a back up if he ran or if I was using both hands packing or paying at a shop etc.

I don't think he even realised he was wearing a rein because it was hold hands or we stop walking, but it was safety for roads and running.

Also backpack can hold a drink/toy/snack as a reward for following the hold hands rule.

Most the parents I see with obediently walking preschoolers
A) give them sweets &/or
B) drive most places, don't walk far at all

Thank you for all the responses. We really need to crack this, it's so stressful. I like the idea of reins but I think my husband would be against them because we don't see any other parents using them. She's at a school nursery so most of the other children are older than her. (She'd also kick off massively about using them but I guess that's kind of the point really isn't it...)

Are they that common? I'm not sure I've ever seen them on the nursery run but maybe I just haven't noticed.

You don't have to put her in reins at the start of the walk. You just have them with you, and the first time she does anything silly the reins come straight out. So you are giving her a chance to behave but with an immediate consequence if she doesn't.

There is a great rucksack bag with a handle on top and a lead strap. I can’t remember the name but you can google.

Littlelife. We have one, in the shape of a bumblebee. They come in lots of different shapes and colours. I love ours, and it feels safer than a wrist strap. We always hold hands, but we walk a fair bit and I like the back up of reins.

Reins or a rein backpack, definitely. It doesn't matter whether your husband doesn't like them or nobody else uses them. A MN once posted on one of these threads that her toddler had run off like this and been killed. Don't sell her the reins as a punishment though - call it her safety backpack or something and let her put treasure in it.

Loads of cute designs! I'm quite tempted by the bunny one but my DS is nearly 13 so he probably wouldn't wear it.

Reins. Then just the threat of the reins will do "hold mummys hand. If you let go I will get the reins out".

Friedas thanks for the name! Have just noted that for when DGC1 starts walking

Reins. And the minute she takes her hand off the stroller, the rein gets snapped on. Lots of praise for how well she's walking when she does walk alongside of you with hand on stroller (helping Mummy push).

Don't worry about the look of the thing or what people will say. A child on reins is a far better look than an injured or worse child.

Oh, sorry, no stroller, in that case, just holding Mummy's hand. . .

My daughter was a bolter. She still veers between daydreamy and unruly/mischievous when walking and she is 9! It has nothing to do with your parenting, don't beat yourself up about it. Reins didn't work for mine, she would just flop forward pulling the reins towards the ground. I continued to use the buggy until she was about 4.5 as we both enjoyed walking better that way!

You are not a rubbish parent. You were just given a certain type of kid and none of them come with instruction manuals. She's only 3. She'll get it eventually but in the meantime reins are great.

And if any parent judges you then it says a million more things about them as a person rather than you as a parent.

@mbosnz no stroller right now, but I'm 36 weeks pregnant so all being well there will be one pretty soon... That's making the whole situation even more stressful as I can't even run after her right now!

For that reason I don't want to threaten to put her in the buggy as once the baby comes it won't be an option as I won't be able to push both. I am going to get a buggy board to use with the baby's pram though.

p.s. thanks for the reassurance that I'm not a rubbish parent, I've been really beating myself up about this