How do I get DD aged 3 to walk sensibly

[Horsesforcourses38]

DD is 3.5 and generally well behaved (for a pre schooler...) except when it comes to walking anywhere when she turns into a total demon.

We walk to nursery along a busy road. I have been strict about not running off and holding my hand whenever we need to cross a side road. She was gradually getting better (although with pretty much constant reminders from me to slow down, stay close etc) but we have had another nightmare today. We bumped into one of her friends so she kept running off, completely ignoring my calls to stop, and even refused to hold my hand crossing the road so I had to pull her back by the hood of her coat to stop her running out in front of her car.

Now we are home she hasn't been allowed a treat (I normally let her have a small biscuit or something when we get home) and no TV either which has caused a huge tantrum. I really hope this gets the message across because I don't know what else to try. She is so stubborn and we had a long chat about why she wasn't being allowed any TV and it took her ages to admit she'd done anything wrong.

My husband used to let her use the scooter when he did drop off and pick up but I've now banned it as she couldn't be trusted not to ride off without us, it feels like the damage has already been done though. I feel like we have made a rod for our own backs by not being stricter from the start.

What can I do to improve things? I see all these other kids walking along holding their parents' hands and feel like such a rubbish mum

I’d put wrist strap on and hold hands from the get go. So it’s just assumed. If you use it as a threat then it’ll be hell when you actually want to use it and you’ll be dragging her down the road kicking and screaming.
I’d do that every single time so it became habit, eventually you won’t need to but to start with you do it every time so it’s assumed. Plus your next will automatically assume you behave like the first and even when they try it on, which they undoubtedly will, they will have a good role model already.

For open spaces I’d do the go/stop game. Basically you just say go and stop and they have to listen and run/stand still. My kids think it’s a great game, and it means they don’t bolt. I wouldn’t even try this with your DD anywhere near a road until she’s unlikely to just run off.

Reins. My DS is 3.2 and I still usually have them handy. If we go to a busy place, he has them on.

three year olds can be proper knobheads

We did the stop game in safe places at that age. Also my DDs were beginning to understand life, death and injury at 3. DD1 in particular became much more careful and car wary when she found out what would happen if a car hit her.

We had lifeline backpacks for our pair.
They were great and only got positive attention at the time.
Now aged 11 dc don't remember them at all.

Definitely reins. I used reins until I could trust my daughter to listen outside thankfully she's been quite good with that but if she wasn't I'd have used reins till she got the message however long it took

My eldest was like this. I was that woman striding down the street after him yelling STOOOPPP!!!

I always said he never learned to walk, he learned to run.

But I did find a scooter helped, actually. It meant he had to concentrate that much more. So still relatively fast but he became very aware of his surroundings and therefore it felt safer. And it was easier to make it a game of stop/go.

Thanks everyone. So I'm going to order one of those rein backpack things. Tomorrow and Friday I will allow her one chance to walk sensibly, if she doesn't she will have to hold hands the entire way. If she completely refuses to do that (I foresee a huge tantrum) I guess we will just have to go home and she will have to miss nursery for the day, as I don't have any other immediate consequences left to try (and fortunately I'm on mat leave now so not the end of the world if she has to come home with me). Then if needed I can introduce the reins from Monday hopefully if they've arrived by then.

It's a difficult one with my husband. It's basically the only area of parenting we've ever disagreed on. He was very in favour of getting a scooter, allowing her to walk without holding hands to promote independence etc. We used to split drop offs and pick ups 50/50 but then my hours changed so I do 95% of them now. He does agree that we need to be stricter with her but it's hard to have a sensible conversation about it because he thinks I resent him for the situation getting this bad (which I kind of do, although thats probably completely unfair as I could have put my foot down about this a long time ago).

Honestly I’d get some proper reins. The backpack ones aren’t as good and if you have to yank them back then then can fall and hit their heads.

I wouldn’t even bother arguing with him about it. Buy some reins, if he doesn’t want to use them then fine, he takes the responsibility to keep her safe - which you are doing with a specific item made for that purpose. He’s being ridiculous and anyone else that won’t use them because of the way they look is as well.

Sincerely, the mother of twins who were both bolters.

Use reins or the backpack ones but it’s important not to hold like a lead, more like wrap on your wrist and hold hands. Then over time you will be able to ditch the reins and just hold hands like you want to

@Horsesforcourses38 I don't know if you've looked at littlelife's own website but they're cheaper there than on amazon

www.littlelife.com/products/toddler-daysacks

@Horsesforcourses38

A helpful motto for the bad days

I've got a great rein back pack from trespass my son loves wearing it as he puts all his treasures in it eg stones or shells!

At three, it's a little bit early to think that she's going to look up driveways to see if a car is coming out before she scooters over it.

Has your DH ever been first on scene where a child has been hit by a car coming out the driveway as it scootered on by? No? It's not pretty.

Then there's elderly people who are prone to falling, and there being serious consequences if they do - the terror that a child induces in them as it approaches on a scooter is quite distressing.

How about dogs? Is she fully dog-safe? Knows how and when to approach a dog? What if a dog is uncontrolled and rushes her?

She's THREE!

At five, I'd say he has a point. But she needs to learn the safety and self preservation skills, and now's the time for learning, not being expected to know. It only takes a split second sometimes.

The reins and backpack (and stop game) are great tools to keep her safe as she learns, and earns that independence.

Mine all had reins, then went onto the hand straps when older. I had an older DD and twins, can't run in 3 different directions. They're all grown up now and they're not traumatized.
However, when my eldest had her little boy and I was looking after him a lot, she wasn't keen on reins for him. Fair enough, her choice when he's with her but I absolutely wouldn't budge on it when he was with me as a) he's not my child, b) he was bloody fast, and c) I was not as fast as I once was. The choice she had was that I was using reins when he was me or I'd not look after him.
Best answer to anyone questioning the use of reins- better under control than under a car.

And, when I had 2 of my grandchildren, both of a similar age, they both wore reins- same reasons as above.
I quite often have 3 of them in the holidays, one 7 one 6 and one 5 and now they don't need reins BUT BUT BUT I take the reins and warn them any messing about they'll have the reins on. Never needed them yet, but they know I mean it. Better safe than dead.

Toddler reins.

Honestly, don’t feel like you’re a rubbish mum! My 3yo ds is one of those kids that never runs off and he stops and reminds me when we are crossing even small side streets that I need to hold his hand. He has always been like this, it’s nothing we have done. It’s just his personality; he’s a cautious risk-averse person.