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Original poster

How do I get DD aged 3 to walk sensibly

67 replies

Horsesforcourses38 · 15/01/2020 17:12

DD is 3.5 and generally well behaved (for a pre schooler...) except when it comes to walking anywhere when she turns into a total demon.

We walk to nursery along a busy road. I have been strict about not running off and holding my hand whenever we need to cross a side road. She was gradually getting better (although with pretty much constant reminders from me to slow down, stay close etc) but we have had another nightmare today. We bumped into one of her friends so she kept running off, completely ignoring my calls to stop, and even refused to hold my hand crossing the road so I had to pull her back by the hood of her coat to stop her running out in front of her car.

Now we are home she hasn't been allowed a treat (I normally let her have a small biscuit or something when we get home) and no TV either which has caused a huge tantrum. I really hope this gets the message across because I don't know what else to try. She is so stubborn and we had a long chat about why she wasn't being allowed any TV and it took her ages to admit she'd done anything wrong.

My husband used to let her use the scooter when he did drop off and pick up but I've now banned it as she couldn't be trusted not to ride off without us, it feels like the damage has already been done though. I feel like we have made a rod for our own backs by not being stricter from the start.

What can I do to improve things? I see all these other kids walking along holding their parents' hands and feel like such a rubbish mum

OP posts:

TheGriffle · 15/01/2020 18:14

Reins or wrist strap all the way. Much better than her ending up under the wheels of a car. Your husband doesn’t get a say when it’s a safety issue like that. Mine is a bolter. At nearly 3 she will be on reins/wrist strap for as long as it takes to convince me she can walk nicely.

mbosnz · 15/01/2020 18:14

LOL, clearly I can see through the screen! Is your DD excited about the wee one coming? Sometimes talking about it with them, ('I'm going to need your help to push the buggy, and for you to be ever so grown up and walk with Mummy, not doing any silly running away!') can help. It did with my blackboard monitor, but runner, of an eldest, anyway. That, along with the fact that Mummy had a rein in her bag and wasn't afraid to use it, if she did bugger off, that is. . . - and that was until the age of SIX!

KurriKurri · 15/01/2020 18:17

You can get kids bikes with a handle for parent to hold to stop them bolting off (obviously doesn't stop them climbing off the bike and bolting) but maybe if she's cycling that would occupy her so she didn't bolt.

Don't berate yourself - I had one who was a bolter and another child who ould never have left my side even if I didn't hold her hand, Didn't bring them up any differently - just that some kids are more easily distracted by their environment and can't yet impulse control enough not to shoot off.

www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/outdoor/bikes/12-bikes-3-5yrs-/12-inch-hero-bicycle/p/105777

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KurriKurri · 15/01/2020 18:19

Oh and I used reins on my bolter until he was HUGE he's 35 now and wasn't scarred for life by it.

Haworthia · 15/01/2020 18:20

I used to look at toddlers and preschools walking along, holding the hand of their parent like a little angel, and always wondered why my children lost their shit when I asked them to hold my hand / asked them to walk in the direction I wanted to go (they always wanted to walk in the opposite direction).

As for reins or little life backpacks - I would have had more luck walking a feral cat on a leash.

Some children are just a royal pain in the arse when it comes to things like this. Sympathies

SleepingStandingUp · 15/01/2020 18:21

my husband would be against them because we don't see any other parents using them
Does your husband do the school run? How does he stop her running off etc?

Unless he has another answer, he gets out voted.

Other parents may not use them because they don't need them. You do, at least for now.

Other parents may need them but may feel ashamed etc of using them. Their child being run over is not your responsibility.

You can't run after her having pregnant and you can't abandon the pram to run after her.

So reins or threat of them, wrist strap, attached to you or buggy.

RandomMess · 15/01/2020 18:24

I would threaten her with the buggy... then once baby is here the strap/reins and having to stand on the board.

Once you see it through and she knows you mean it she will
hopefully be much better...

JuniLoolaPalooza · 15/01/2020 18:24

I did a lot of practicing stopping when I shout 'stop!' with my DD. I also do this when walking with other kids. So we'll set out and I'll explain, we have to cross the busy road so it is very important you stop when I say. So let's practice etc. Most kids respond really well and get the hang of it quickly, even my 2 year old who is a cheeky nightmare. It is SO hard when they run off with friends though, I don't know how to solve that one. Reins or a v firm handhold when friend appears because 'last time you ran off'. Good luck.

mbosnz · 15/01/2020 18:26

I'd forgotten the bellowed 'STOP'! Yes, it was a great game. I'm not so sure the neighbourhood enjoyed it though, I've got a good three acre paddock voice. . .

BlueThursday · 15/01/2020 18:28

Little life backpack definitely. You could have her pack some little figures etc to encourage her to take it.

Like many who’ve been around here a while I’ve read the story of the mother whose child ran out onto the road and was killed. She is a massive advocate of reins and would tell you in a heartbeat other parents “judging” you for reins is infinitely better than losing your child

YourWinter · 15/01/2020 18:28

Reins definitely, it takes a split second for a child to end up under a vehicle. I would never use them as a threat or punishment though, to put on after she has scampered off. Just do yourself a favour, and keep your LO safe, by using them at the outset of the walk. You can practice walking in areas away from traffic when she's just a little bit older and better able to understand the potentially catastrophic consequences, then the reins can come off.

Doje · 15/01/2020 18:39

I did an 'intensive training' week with my DS. I basically said you'll hold my hand until I can trust you. We did lots of little walks, just me and him, in safe places. If when I let him walk on his own he didn't listen / come back / take my hand, he would have to hold my hand for the rest of the walk.

mencken · 15/01/2020 18:42

and no sodding scooters however much she screams. The only wheels that should be on pavements are wheelchairs or pushchairs, or just possibly that bike with an adult holding the handle at all times.

kids on scooters on pavements are a menace to others as well as themselves.

TooGood2BeFalse · 15/01/2020 18:42

Absolutely not your parenting, kids are impulsive.

My eldest was a nightmare at walking until about aged 3, then we always held hands walking and he was a dream.At 4.5, I was walking him and our dog,I was 8.5 months pregnant and a wedding car drove by -covered in balloons.Quick as a whip, he slipped through my hands and dashed into the road.The driver had great reactions and pulled to an instant halt (before berating me massively).

Reins were the consequence from then on for a good month because he was inches away from being run over.It worked.

CormoranStrike · 15/01/2020 18:44

Reins or a buggy - you say your DH is reluctant, but what price safety?

Or let him do all the school runs for a month and see how he feels.

Original poster

Horsesforcourses38 · 15/01/2020 18:51

@mencken the scooter is gone and not coming back! I'm annoyed we ever allowed it and we won't be making that mistake with child #2.

OP posts:

inwood · 15/01/2020 19:11

Buggy or reins. Non negotiable.

Southmouth · 15/01/2020 19:22

We have both the wrist strap and little backpack with the reins clipped on the handle. DC always preferred that to the wrist strap as they like putting something in the bag and then being able to carry it about, without ever really realising the real reason to wearing it. DS never really needed it but I just liked the extra safety of it, DD is made to wear it as she likes to suddenly try to escape and makes me very nervous to take out when she’s not in a pushchair!

SeperatedSwans · 15/01/2020 19:24

I think I parented the fucking flash.....

one word. REINS.

They literally saved my sanity. We had one that did up at the middle of the back not at the front on the chest, because DS would undo any strap and bolt.

At 3.5 I'd try the backpack with the rein handle, we progressed to that once "unstrapping" stopped 🤣

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 15/01/2020 19:34

I've got two of these. Dc1 became more sensible and developed a sense of self preservation at about 4.7yo.
Ds2 is 3.9yo and still likes to walk himself, then runs faster if I shout stop at him. He has to hold my hand for the rest of the week, or I grasp his wrist.
No sense of danger really.
I doubt your dd will comprehend the link between running off and the no tv/ biscuit punishment tbh. It has to be an immediate linked consequence. So before setting off remind her of the rules and reasons and the consequence is then having to hold hands and walk nicely.

Liverpoolgirl52 · 15/01/2020 19:40

Could you try a mini scavenger hunt? So say to your DD that you want her to help you find 5 birds and 4 trees or something similar. Or count cars/trees/steps, anything to keep them distracted. Make the walk home into a game but you can only play if you’re walking sensibly. If she likes to run, then can you say you can run but you must stop and wait for me at each lamppost (Or whatever is in a safe distance from you), if you run past the lamppost then you cannot run anymore?

HaggardMumofToddler · 15/01/2020 19:41

I see kids that age with backpack reins around here all the time. Don’t compare yourself to others! You are not parenting the same child.

MrsGrindah · 15/01/2020 19:42

I like the idea of reins but I think my husband would be against them because we don't see any other parents using them.

Well that’s just silly and he needs to get over himself. This is about your child’s safety not how things look.

feliciabirthgiver · 15/01/2020 19:43

Little life back pack or trike with a handle here - good luck and don't beat yourself up this is perfectly common.

NameChange30 · 15/01/2020 19:50

DS (2) is similar. DH was always very against getting reins or a backpack with reins. But recently DS started running off in a car park, when I called out to him to stop, he paused and looked at me, so I told him sternly to come back NOW, he looked me right in the eye and sprinted off behind some (parked) cars and then fell flat on his face, grazing it badly. I dread to think how much worse it could have been if he'd run into the path of a moving car. That night I bought a wrist strap. I don't have to use it much, it's just useful to have if he starts playing up. The times I've used it he hasn't minded too much, probably the novelty factor.

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