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Childminder has contacted me to say she no longer wants to look after my baby

82 replies

Moonshine160 · 13/01/2020 18:01

I am due to go back to work (part time, 3 days a week) from maternity leave at the end of Feb and found a childminder for my little boy in July last year. She seemed a lovely lady and worked alongside her husband who was equally as nice, lots of qualifications, ofsted registered etc. I know it was a bit early but I wanted to be prepared and let DS get used to her. She has looked after DS four times over the last few weeks which I paid for, just an hour ‘taster sessions’ each time at her recommendation, and he was going to start going weekly as of next week, gradually increasing the hours until I go back to work to get him settled in. He was fine during his taster sessions, just played happily apart from the third session when he was teething and cried. The childminder phoned me 15 mins after dropping him off and asked me to collect him because he was upset. She said that she wouldn’t do that when I'm back at work but she didn’t want him having negative associations with being there and she was struggling to look after the other children with him crying. So I collected him and he had an hours taster session two weeks after and he was fine again. A baby girl the same age as DS had also been having taster sessions, and according to the childminder she cried throughout all of them and she described her to me as being ‘very high needs’. I directly asked her at this point (at least two months ago now) if having my little boy was going to be a problem and she said no. The little girl that cries started last week, and after being 3 days in the childminder phoned me to say that she was in bed with a migraine as she’d had a bad week and can no longer look after my DS because she won’t be able to give him enough care and attention and blamed it on the other baby crying all day.

I was understandably angry and upset and ended up hanging up on her when she said to me ‘can’t your mum help instead?’. The childminder only works mon-weds so I had picked these to be my working days for this reason, and my mum has altered her work days to look after DS on Mondays and the childminder was having him Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I had deliberately found a childminder as early as I did because there isn’t that much choice in my area. I have contacted all childminders in my town and surrounding towns and no one has any availability at such short notice. There are two nurseries, both of which are full at the moment but one has spaces coming up late May. At the moment it’s looking like I’m going to have to take time off work unpaid until DS can get a space at nursery. Luckily work have been understanding about it but I am so stressed and panicking now. I don’t want to just send him any old place and I really wanted him to have time to settle in somewhere.
Sorry for the long post, I’m not sure what advice I’m asking for really but I just wanted to have a rant about it to people who understand what a shit situation this is to be in. :(

OP posts:
CherryPlum · 13/01/2020 18:09

Yes it's a crap situation for you to now sort out. However, the childminder has done the right thing - at least has realised her limitations and has owned up now that she cannot take your child on. It really could have been a nightmare if she'd tried desperately to muddle through, simply couldn't cope and it potentily resulting in poor care or an accident or some kind of mishap occuring while your child was in her care.

RB68 · 13/01/2020 18:12

Sheesh if I had been her I would have ditched the other baby, yours sounds much easier!!!

lostsoulsunited · 13/01/2020 18:12

It's odd that she didn't say she couldn't look after the baby girl if she's struggling with her.

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tappitytaptap · 13/01/2020 18:13

That is shit OP. To be honest one thing that put me off childminders was that a similar thing happened to a friend and put her in a really stressful situation. My experience of nurseries is that they are less likely to do something like this. Hope you can find somewhere soon.

WineAt4pm · 13/01/2020 18:19

Really shit situation to be in, you have my sympathy. I've avoided childminders as everyone I know who uses them seems to always end up taking more time off work for things like this.
If you can get him into a nursery from May then I'd stick with that going forward.

ISpeakJive · 13/01/2020 18:20

,Why did she let go of your son and not the other child seeing as he was there first?

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/01/2020 18:49

I can only think the baby girl’s parents wanted more hours and she chose her over your ds. That’s really annoying. And difficult to understand when the girl is more difficult to cope with.

Cohle · 13/01/2020 18:54

You have sympathies OP, childcare is such a headache.

Nannies/childminders tend to be more flexible and can be more accommodating of slightly ill kids, but nurseries tend to be more reliable.

There's not really much you can do at this stage- I'm glad your work are being decent about it!

It does sound like a lucky escape though. A childminder who can't cope with two babies despite her DH being their to help doesn't sound like she'd be much good.

Moonshine160 · 13/01/2020 18:56

@ISpeakJive exactly, I asked her this. She said it’s because the little girl’s mum returned to work before I did. But as @Mummyoflittledragon said, she was having DS two days a week and the little girl for three days so she wouldn’t have made as much money from me!

OP posts:
MrsBricks · 13/01/2020 18:58

It's a horrible situation, but if she realised she wasn't going to be able to cope with both children then best she's upfront about it now.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 13/01/2020 19:01

That's a real pain.

She's made a commercial decision, I think but, like pp said, I think I'd rather know than leave DS with a CM that flappy and struggling.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 13/01/2020 19:01

Hugely irritating for you! What a flakey, unreliable childminder. You dodged a bullet there and hopefully you will find someone with a professional attitude to the job rather than someone who thinks they can just switch arrangements on a whim.

doadeer · 13/01/2020 19:02

That's so so annoying for you! How stressful

Lots of nurseries near me said they were full bit then a space opened up so it might be similar.

All you can do is keep looking. Do you have a local Facebook group you can get more recommendations from?

PaulGalico · 13/01/2020 19:02

I used a nursery when my children were little. I have always found nurseries to be much more reliable. I had to use a childminder for after school pick-up. I think I must have been unlucky as I felt to be paying quite a lot of money each week to be constantly let down. Sure there are lots of brilliant childminders - I just didn't find one.

Bonkerz · 13/01/2020 19:04

If her husband works with her then it shouldn't have been a problem. If she works alone she may have realised she would be breaking her ratios by having two under 1s!

ISpeakJive · 13/01/2020 19:04

@Moonshine160 yes it does sound like it's all down to money. Also if she's a high needs child, she may have charged her even more on top and not just the extra she day she has her.

Sorry OP, I hope something comes up for you and your little boy soon.

Butterymuffin · 13/01/2020 19:05

She'll come to regret that if the other baby continues in this vein. Not that it helps you.

She and her husband work jointly as childminders yet can't cope with one difficult child? As well you found out now.

gamerwidow · 13/01/2020 19:06

That's really bad luck but as others have said it is much better you find out now rather than later if she can't cope. It wouldn't have been the right setting and although it's a struggle now it's for the best in the long run.

Mimishimi · 13/01/2020 19:06

She doesn't sound very professional. Being able to soothe crying babies is her job!

Mararunner · 13/01/2020 19:07

Nurseries can be just as bad! My sister booked her daughter in to a local nursery, two weeks before she was due to start the nursery told her she'd been double booked! Luckily she found somewhere else. I hope you find somewhere soon though, and please don't write childminders off just yet, we're not all bad!

gamerwidow · 13/01/2020 19:08

Yes I second not writing CMs off. My DD has been with her fantastic CM for over 8 years, they're not all like this flaky one.

housinghelp101 · 13/01/2020 19:09

Hugely annoying, I would assume the high needs child is booked in Mon-Wed so it makes more financial sense for her to keep her rather than your son. As awful as it is for you, she did the right thing letting you know now. It is also better for your ds not to have to spend all day with a crying baby.

neverornow · 13/01/2020 19:10

If heard a few stories like this regarding childminders. I expect she will make more money by taking the little girl instead of your DS. Very unprofessional and disappointing. You would think she'd know better than to leave you high and dry like this.

Louise91417 · 13/01/2020 19:15

Id say childminder has went with the other parent for the extra days money...if it really is to do with stress of "crying babies she needs to look at a new career..i wouldnt want to leave my child with someone who couldnt cope with the odd off dayHmm

Graphista · 13/01/2020 19:20

Well, former childminder here gotta say she’s in the wrong bloody job isn’t she?

Can come with crying babies but sets up as a childminder?! Wtf!

Hope you find alternative childcare ASAP, have you considered a nanny? Might not be as expensive as you might think considering you’ve 2 to consider, worth a look at least, plus if you’re not needing full week coverage you could perhaps share with another family?

A teething crying baby is not “high needs” or “difficult” fgs! That’s bloody normal! As is a baby crying most of the day for any number of reasons including overtiredness, coming down with a bug, frustration eg just prior to hitting a milestone they can get frustrated at not quite managing to walk/talk etc

As pp said soothing a crying baby is pretty much the definition of her job!!

I despair I really do.