Childminder has contacted me to say she no longer wants to look after my baby

[Moonshine160]

I am due to go back to work (part time, 3 days a week) from maternity leave at the end of Feb and found a childminder for my little boy in July last year. She seemed a lovely lady and worked alongside her husband who was equally as nice, lots of qualifications, ofsted registered etc. I know it was a bit early but I wanted to be prepared and let DS get used to her. She has looked after DS four times over the last few weeks which I paid for, just an hour ‘taster sessions’ each time at her recommendation, and he was going to start going weekly as of next week, gradually increasing the hours until I go back to work to get him settled in. He was fine during his taster sessions, just played happily apart from the third session when he was teething and cried. The childminder phoned me 15 mins after dropping him off and asked me to collect him because he was upset. She said that she wouldn’t do that when I'm back at work but she didn’t want him having negative associations with being there and she was struggling to look after the other children with him crying. So I collected him and he had an hours taster session two weeks after and he was fine again. A baby girl the same age as DS had also been having taster sessions, and according to the childminder she cried throughout all of them and she described her to me as being ‘very high needs’. I directly asked her at this point (at least two months ago now) if having my little boy was going to be a problem and she said no. The little girl that cries started last week, and after being 3 days in the childminder phoned me to say that she was in bed with a migraine as she’d had a bad week and can no longer look after my DS because she won’t be able to give him enough care and attention and blamed it on the other baby crying all day.

I was understandably angry and upset and ended up hanging up on her when she said to me ‘can’t your mum help instead?’. The childminder only works mon-weds so I had picked these to be my working days for this reason, and my mum has altered her work days to look after DS on Mondays and the childminder was having him Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I had deliberately found a childminder as early as I did because there isn’t that much choice in my area. I have contacted all childminders in my town and surrounding towns and no one has any availability at such short notice. There are two nurseries, both of which are full at the moment but one has spaces coming up late May. At the moment it’s looking like I’m going to have to take time off work unpaid until DS can get a space at nursery. Luckily work have been understanding about it but I am so stressed and panicking now. I don’t want to just send him any old place and I really wanted him to have time to settle in somewhere.
Sorry for the long post, I’m not sure what advice I’m asking for really but I just wanted to have a rant about it to people who understand what a shit situation this is to be in. :(

She sounds crap. She can't help getting a migraine but she has failed to proove herself reliable. Making comments on other children like that would make me feel she has the potential to dislike certain ones. Ofcourse babies and toddlers will cry when teething, miserable, ill. Also they are bound to cry when they want mummy too. I do not judge anyone but I personally couldn't do it. I have toyed with the idea of a childminder for my son but overall things like this put me off. I'm sure most are nothing but proffesional and like kids but I wouldn't want to hear them grumbling about kids Infront of me. I'd expect 100% positive bubbly personality at all times. They look after several tots in one go. It shouldn't phase them if ones unhappy sometimes. I hope you get sorted!

That is really shit. I have very little advice unfortunately as it is an awful position to be in!
However I can tell you the same thing happened to me 6 weeks before I returned to work from maternity leave and although seriously stressful at the time it has worked out for the best. My DS is now at a lovely small nursery and really enjoys going there and I'm definitely seeing the advantages of the nursery setting now he's a bit older. Also as PP's have said it certainly says a lot about the CM's character!
I sent out lots of frantic emails and many childminders were really helpful even if they didn't have vacancies and a couple told me they had short term vacancies of a few months if I was really stuck so it might be worth asking that?

Thirty years ago, my DD's first childminder quit after 3 weeks! I ended up taking an unpaid career break which we could ill afford until a place at a nursery came up. It was hugely stressful at the time but we survived and looking back I'm pleased I got to spend that time with my baby. I'm sorry to hear childcare provision is still as patchy and precarious as it was all that time ago - and even more expensive, I gather!

That is a really stressful situation, and I feel for you.
Have you considered a nanny?

Sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet early.

I think you were lucky - you found out how unreliable she is before you started back at work. She shouldn't be looking after babies if she can't cope with crying or sort out how to comfort them. Hope you find something else soon.

Parents should realise that a childminder is unlikely to be as reliable as a nursery and therefore accept an element of risk. Yes, she probably made a commercial decision, around here a childminder is about £50 a day so by taking the other child she'll get an extra £200+ per month. At least she's admitted that she cannot cope 6 weeks before you go back to work rather than waiting and posing an even bigger problem. Not ideal, horrible situation to be in but she's not obliged to take your child.

I feel for you and can imagine how stressful it is: my dc went to a nursery from when they were 9 months right up to when they started school and we never had any issues with their care.

Since starting school however they've had to go to a childminder and it feels like it's been nothing but problems: CM n°1 after 2 years, just before dc2 was going to start, suddenly decided to quit; CM n°2 changed her mind the week before my dc were due to start so I had to make myself unavailable for work for 6 weeks (straight after the summer holidays when money is very tight for us anyway); CM n°3 was/is good and my dc like her but she had to take 2 terms off due to illness so again I couldn't work because we had no childcare.

I've got no advice apart from perhaps looking further afield or trying to work out with your child's father some sort of flexible, alternate shift pattern where you each take opposing days off to look after him.

We’ve been there, I was back to week just a few weeks when the childminder branded my completely chilled DD as “difficult”. Turns out she did us a massive favour as the replacement has, over 6 years on, become like a second family to both our girls.
Don’t panic, it will work out for the best!

I kno was as childminder who had 2 helpers and 9-11 babies day dependent - it’s a nightmare in her flat sometimes with all these under stimulated babies screaming - go with a nursery or a nanny share?

Wow, so many stories of unreliable childminders I must be such a unique one In 13 years of minding I haven’t taken any single day off sick. Just none. Zero. And 2-3 weeks a year as a holiday. Thinking of that, I must be just greedy, as don’t like not being paid ( and I am not paid when I am off) lol
I also can not dream of working only 3 days a week as it would be difficult to fill up just these days, usually parents come for full or part time, but then they like to increase their days and hours

Hope you can review the child minder somewhere, warn other parents not to rely on her word that it won't be a problem and two months later decide it is.

On the bright side, it could have been worse if you'd actually started back at work and she said this the second week....

Very unprofessional and I would be asking for the money for the settling in sessions back on the basis that you only paid for them to facilitate a service she is no longer willing to provide.

How bloody unprofessional to tell you anything about another child! I’d be gutted if I heard a CM telling anyone my baby was hard work and the reason for her migraine! I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with someone who can’t cope with a crying baby and bitches about it to other parents.

Same thing happened to me after settling in session number 2, which was a few weeks before I was due to go back to work. She said DS was too much hard work. Luckily for me family stepped in short term but it was unbelievably stressful at the time.

It's also quite upsetting to think someone doesn't like your perfect little baby! I still hold a grudge now but it did all work out in the end.

Have you tried childcare.co.uk? Childminders, Nannies and baby sitters use it to advertise.

Also try your council website and look for childcare under that. I found my childminder this way! Little did I know, she was also on childcare.co.uk website but she advertised that she was full up on there... when she actually wasn't! She forgot to update it. So worth looking on your councils website as well.. you'll find loads of them and they will all be regulated too. you'll also get access to their number and email address for free whereas on childcare website there's only so many messages you can send before they tell you to upgrade and pay a premium for it.

How horrendous for you, I’m so sorry. Great your work are being understanding. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the extra time off with baby- try not to stress too much my dear.

How stressful for you op. I dont have any advice that helps with your immediate problem but wanted to say that, like others, i found a nursery was much more reliable than a childminder. I did the same as you and found a childminder for my dd well before I returned to work. Unfortunately in the taster period (but not on a day she was caring for any children) she had a stroke. I am pleased to say she recovered but sadly for her could not be a childminder anymore. In my panic to make alternative arrangements i found another child minder who seemed great but after a couple of months started taking sickies. She would refuse to answer the door at drop off time and just say she couldnt do it. It was incredibly stressful and with no notice I couldnt make alternative arrangements other than to take the day off (DH was a teacher so couldnt cover it at no notice). After a couple of.months my boss had to tell me that any more occurrences i would be in a ormal disciplinary process. I managed to find a nursery place which was much better - lovely care and very reliable. I am not saying childminders are unreliable - my experience with my ds childminder a few years before was fantastic but we had moved away and couldn't use her for dd. But don't worry about the nursery - it could turn out to be even better than your original plans.

What @bonkerz said. It sounds like she is using her husband to get away with having more children to care for, but trying to give all the care herself. Someone's child will be shortchanged in that arrangement, and you don't want it to be yours. I'm sorry you have this hassle to deal with. Going back to work is stressful enough!

That's a really awkward situation. I used a CM with dd and my original one also advised me right before I went back to work that she could no longer look after dd due to personal reasons, but did refer me to her friend. It was fine for arou d a year but then CM decided she wsnted a change of career and started going to interviews, unbeknownst to me, which involved her texting me in the morning on several different days over a period of several weeks to say she couldn't look after dd that day. It was awkward and stressful and I went for a nursery in the end to avoid the single carer issues. Definitely can have it's positives but absolutely the negatives too

I'm sorry you've been let down by this childminder and it does sound as if she has made this decision for financial reasons, which is her right, but she should have been honest about it. Please don't let this put you off all childminders. Most of us are professional, highly qualified and passionate about our chosen career. I've been minding for 21 years and in all that time, I've had 3 weeks off sick, give parents my holiday dates for the whole year at the beginning of January so they can plan. I understand that some children can take weeks or even months to settle fully. I would dream of calling a parent to pick up after only 15 minutes. When you find the right one, it will be worth it. Good luck

• wouldn't dream of

Thanks everyone for your comments. Worst case scenario is that I have time off work unpaid until we sort childcare. DH is going to help where he can by using annual leave but he can’t really have time off unpaid as he earns considerably more than I do and we would struggle otherwise. Today I have managed to speak with two childminders that are a little further away than I would have liked but it’s doable and they have spaces coming up in late March. I am going to visit one tomorrow and the other on Friday with DS so hopefully we will find someone suitable. After reading all your comments though nursery is starting to sound more appealing. The prices are considerably higher but it sounds like it might be worth it? Both nurseries in our area are fully booked at the moment but one has spaces coming up in May so I might have a look around.

@moonshine that's really poor of your childminder. I'm a childminder and we're not all like that! I work with my daughter but I know we wouldn't take on 2 babies of similar age at same time. It's a lot of adjustment for everyone.
We have space just now but the likelihood of you being local to me is slim 😂.
Hope you get sorted x