Crush on gay porn star

[Keepnamechanging]

I need help. The last few weeks I have developed an obsession with gay men. I have absolutely no idea why, other than my hormones are all over the place (perimenopausal). I am spending a ridiculous amount of time watching gay porn and thinking about men having sex. I have never watched porn of any type before. I have now developed a massive crush on an ex gay porn star, to the extent I have spent all day looking at his Facebook and Instagram pages etc. I am contemplating messaging him. Ffs what is wrong with me?

There is something strangely comforting watching a couple of beefy bearded blokes snogging and moaning.
Still I am going to try and not watch anymore. Also started a course of ADs today which will hopefully control my erratic feelings..

I was once talking to my gay friend about porn and I said I really didn’t like it for a few reasons but one was that the women always looked dead-eyed and not into it, and he said “ah well the thing about gay porn is that everyone is really into it”, so maybe that’s the appeal?

ah well the thing about gay porn is that everyone is really into it

I highly doubt that - did you ever see that Louis Theroux porn episode with the straight guy doing gay scenes to make extra cash? He didn’t seem to be really into it and from what he said it’s not uncommon.

I think porn where everyone was having a good time would be revolutionary, I might have to check some out. Any recommendations @Keepnamechanging?

DH seems to watch very tame stuff from what I can pick up on but even he thinks the screaming dead eyed women are having a good time.

This might also explain our lack of sex and my obsessive fantasy life.

@EmptyOrchestra ah you've already disproved the possible ideal!

Back to the fanfic.

Yeah, they are doing it to each other rather than the woman being pounded, usually in a way any gay man or woman who's had a good experience of wanted anal sex can tell you is hurting her, to get the man off.

Obsessive crushes I’ve had absolutely a way to avoid thinking about reality - you’re probably someone who is a bit mentally hyperactive anyway, always thinking. I remember getting obsessed with True blood vampires - you do have to maintain fantasy/reality boundaries though - contacting your crush instantly turns you into creepy stalker territory.

Sometimes I try and distract myself mentally onto better paths, you can do that, get more involved in something else you enjoy.

Yes. I do it to stop thinking about reality. I won't contact him, cos that would be crazy. Judging by his social media he gets many people offering themselves to him on a plate. And unless I grow a beard and an 8 incher, I don't stand a chance😯
Strangely people I have had crushes on in the past even relatively recently don't mean anything now. It's crazy. So I'm hoping my obsession with Mr Sexy Beard will disappear as quickly as it started. Roll on menopause

Oh it will burn out eventually - I’ve had things about Eric Northman (the actor playing him), Robert Pattinson, Sherlock (yes, I know)and lots of others, it’s all idealising. And once it’s gone it is gone. Do you think we have a type? Also a reader of schlocky fiction that I wouldn’t want anyone to ever see.

I find setting myself routine limits for trashy reading etc helps, e.g. no more than one book a week or fortnight etc, as the books exacerbate the thoughts. I’m always trying to counteract a generally obsessive personality.

The danger of active large scale fantasy lives is you under invest in real life relationships and then it becomes a spiralling thing, you under invest, real life gets even worse and less connected so you’ve got to try and fight that.

I couldn’t completely give up the trashy reading though as when it’s not over the top it’s enjoyable.

If you make up these fantasies as an avoidance to thinking about your actual circumstances then a gay porn star isn't that weird really. A gay pornstar is quite safe and will remain a fantasy. I mean the chances of you meeting and having sex him is quite low really. His being gay and you not being a man makes the sex even less likely.

Also do note having a whole other life in your head isn't that unusual. You should see the house I live in in my head!! It's amazing. Also my husband is a very fit ballet dancer (principal dancer too) so my real-life husband also has a whole different life in my head (the real-life ones dancing ability is 'interesting'.

On a serious note if you're unhappy with your life there's resources out there. You can make it difference. First step is the toughest.

Oh yes plenty of threads on mumsnet on people with crushes on stars and fantasy lives. Who hasn’t spent time in lottery winning land?

You know when it’s out of hand though and needs managing

I’m sure I read some research about readers of romantic novels (and this sort of romanticising of people you don’t know is the same sort of thing) and as a category we are more likely to report worse real life relationships.

@bakewreck99 I have read a bit of fanfic recently, but I seem to get hooked on internet scrolling mostly. I want to know everything about them. And it's scary how much you can actually find out about someone these days to the point you start to convince yourself you actually know them. Totally agree with the underinvesting in my own life.

In a way novels are at least easier as there is no crossover, I agree I’ve also created fantasy relations and conversations in my head with people I barely know in real life but are real people...

You’re not alone, I do think routine and distracting yourself from doing these things are good tools though. I definitely find that having unhappy thoughts I can’t deal wit is a trigger for disappearing down the fantasy rabbit hole.

Gay pornstars have loads of female fans. You're not alone.

@EmptyOrchestra I've met Jonathan Groff a few times and he's utterly adorable.

bakewreck romance novels are the biggest selling genre overall. HUGE reader base, a fair few of whom are male, and they can't ALL have unfulfilling personal lives.

So I think that report might not be right.

@Zaphodsotherhead

Agree it can’t be true of all or most, it’s really to illustrate the point that from time to time us bookworms pay enough attention to our non virtual relationships!

I’m glad to hear they are the biggest selling genre - I almost never meet anyone IRL that admits to reading romance novels

@bakewreck - people won't 'admit' to reading them as long as they have the reputation of being 'trashy fluff' (that even MN seems to perpetuate). When we start calling them 'books about relationships' suddenly they sound more respectable! But no, everyone wants to be seen as erudite and learned, so nobody wants to say they read anything other than literary fiction and Booker prize winners...

I love a trashy gay filth romance book

People are so duplicitous about books - you’re right, just another area where people like to virtue signal and then do the opposite but I’ve learned a lot of things from romantic novels, many of the historical ones (not all) have been painstakingly researched.

Women watching gay porn? I just don't believe it

When I was uni I took a few medieval history classes and two of the pupils were in there, and studying history, as their goal in life was to make a living off writing romance novels. They have already sold their work well and were churning them out.

Gay porn is hot. Much better than straight porn. Also, I've got a massive thing for Daniel Levy, but alas, gay.

Before this it was Jason Momoa, also dabbled with Patrick Dempsey and Keanu Reeves. Just watched French Kiss and found a french Kevin Kline ridiculously sexy. It must be the peri menopause, or I'm suddenly a raging hornbag!

Kevin Kline is just as sexy as hell whatever accent. Good actor too; which is more than you can say for Jason Momoa - who does such a good line in Joey Tribianiesque "How are YOU doin'?' straight to camera I KNOW I'm sexy Blue Steel that we forgive him. Though I want the time I spent watching Debug back.