Crush on gay porn star

[Keepnamechanging]

I need help. The last few weeks I have developed an obsession with gay men. I have absolutely no idea why, other than my hormones are all over the place (perimenopausal). I am spending a ridiculous amount of time watching gay porn and thinking about men having sex. I have never watched porn of any type before. I have now developed a massive crush on an ex gay porn star, to the extent I have spent all day looking at his Facebook and Instagram pages etc. I am contemplating messaging him. Ffs what is wrong with me?

I think absolute filth about Harry Styles and AJ Pritchard, sometimes together.
It's fun

I know it seems funny and a bit of a laugh, but today I feel like life has no point and that I should give up. But I have a child to think about. I am so alone

@Keepnamechanging I worry that I use daydreaming to avoid issues in real life and I do it much more when I'm unhappy.

I've been doing since about 10 too, I was an odd, lonely kid, not good with people and friendships but read a lot.

In my teens is was an extensive vampire fantasy including a Brad Pitt type boyfriend. A couple of years ago I had a longish one with a sort of Jason Momoa as Riddick sci fi fantasy, that was fun. The current Misha one is a bit worse as it's him rather than as a character and Suoernatural

Sorry posted too soon, SPN is quite cultish, there's the conventions and fan fiction and then Misha and other cast on FB, Twitter and Instagram, the GISH scavenger hunt and charity work, very easy to get caught up in it.

I hate that I'm a stereotype of the middle aged, plump woman perving on the good looking cast. At least they're my age though, and I know that because I'm obsessed!

@Keepnamechanging is there anyone you can talk to in real life? Making real connections is hard but worthwhile. If it's bad, maybe the Samaritans for now and your GP for some help?

I don't think so, maybe bi. I'm not the OP.

I wondered if it was MC. I never understood the appeal from just seeing him on clips of SPN, but if you watch anything where he is himself, he's quirky, bright and very funny, and I can see the appeal.

AFAIK he's married to a woman (an academic expert on threesomes!), but he's spoken of having taken part in threesomes with her, and from what he's said (or not said) it's likely there were other men involved. He's at the very least a strong LGBT ally. I got bored and looked him up one day.

@Pollaidh that's how it starts! His wife is very interesting too, makes me feel guilty for my dirty thoughts.

I used to be a bit like this. I had a long and very hard wearing crush on a member of The Bill cast for a while.

Thankfully, since menopause, I can now appreciate a good looking man much as one would appreciate a work of art and have absolutely no desire to rip their clothes off and dip them in chocolate.... ahem.

@Zaphodsotherhead haha. Thanks for making me chuckle @CornedBeef451 I wouldn't dare talk to real people about it. It's so humiliating. I mean a gay porn chap ffs.

Hang on, Misha Collins is gay?

@slipperywhensparticus Jeremy Clarkson! That's quite disturbing. Although I once had a vaguely sexy dream about Terry Wogan that still haunts me.

@Keepnamechanging I meant whatever else is going on with you rather than the gay porn! I think you have to ride it out, pun intended.

I daren't mention my obsession in real life although DD likes to make fun of me if she catches me reading fan fiction.

@IHaveBrilloHair not gay, probably bi based on the threesome book his wife wrote.

I once watched my boyfriend have sex with another man. It was erotic as hell.

Oh right, CornedBeef
Dd is a huge fan of Supernatural so I'll have to tell her!

Slat3 I also went full on for the hot priest. Didn’t know he was gay though! He’s an excellent actor in that case, I was really feeling the heat between him and PBW.

PWB even.

Jonathan Groff is my current crush. I spend as much time as possible listening to him sing. He’s amazing and beautiful. And very gay. Sigh.

Avoid the porn though, if you’re struggling with your mental health it’s not the best idea.

Is gay porn better than straight porn ethically? I read something recently about lots of women liking gay porn as it lacks the violence against women which shows in straight porn.

The same reason so many women like/write gay fan fiction as it's a safe way to be erotic without the value judgements and dangers of straight encounters.

I have read far too much Destiel fan fiction in the last year, beautifully romantic sex between two male characters, sometimes including wing kink which I didn't even know was a thing. Not so keen on the BDSM stuff though.

Is gay porn better than straight porn ethically?

It tends to be less violent and more tender and erotic than male/female porn.

@EmptyOrchestra Have you seen the series looking? He plays the main character.

Sigh. He likes cats and dogs.