Apologies for self-indulgent outpouring...
DH and I have been not getting on for the last 18 months or so. Nothing specific - i wondered if he was a bit depressed after his dad dying, or stressed about work - he says the only thing wrong is that he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with a woman who hates him.
Not sure where that has come from! Been together 25 years, two children, who will be leaving home within the next 3 years. I certainly don't hate him but he has become rather "old" in a way that I haven't and I wonder if we've just really grown apart?
Just been out for lunch to a naice restaurant with DC1 for his significant birthday and it was like being out with my grandparent (except they were fun!!). DH barely spoke, didn't initiate any conversation and looked disapproving at most things. Tried telling DC about a pub we used to go to (pre-DC) near the restaurant and spend long boozy afternoons in, and DH just grimaced as if it was awful. He barely cracked a smile for 2 hours.
I claimed I need to shop so they've gone home ahead and I'm now sitting in a pub wondering where on earth we go to now. I e been burying my head in the sand about this, hoping things will get better, but I don't think they will.
We're being civil housemates at the moment, still sharing a bed but as it's a super-king size we dont actually have to touch 😀 He has his own interests and I have mine and neither of us is making the effort any more to be interested in
He often "quotes" what I've said except that I didn't say it, he just assumes I think it...I believe that he has it firmly in his head that I have in fact said all those things. I am the more volatile person but I'm also pretty laidback and never insult people just because we're rowing. He almost never loses his temper but when he does he tells me exactly what he thinks of me and it's not nice. But then he "forgets" and all is calm.
I truly don't believe I am more at fault than him. We have grown apart and he has definitely become more intolerant (of lots of things, not just me!) whereas I have become more easy going but also more focussed about how I want the rest of my life to be.
I was a SAHM until 2 years ago (he worked abroad a lot so a regular job would have been impossible for me). He was very keen for me to work so I could pay for my own stuff, but now I think he's not that thrilled that I a) got a job really easily b) love my job and am very good at it c) have money to spend and am very generous with it in a way that he isn't. He disputes all of this but can't explain his churlishness about me buying stuff for the house or kids, or his looks of disapproval at clothes I have bought just because I like them.
I don't know how we'd sort it all out financially if we split. I can't afford our mortgage and really don't want to leave our home.
I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm suddenly just feeling really gut-punched that this is really happening to me, to us, and the sentimental me is utterly heartbroken. While the practical me is a bit relieved. I thought I still loved him, but maybe that's just habit? I certainly dont fancy him anymore - he's utterly destroyed that - and I don't think I even like him very much most of the time.
I don't suppose I'm the first person to think this wouldn't happen to me! But I don't know what to do next...