Biting your tongue on social media

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

I mostly lurk on Mumsnet and other social media and probably only post on 1 in 10 threads I read. I think I'm fairly restrained in not firing off a scathing reply to stupid questions that irritate me . But tonight I had to sit on my hands after reading this post on my local FB forum "Hi, looking for recommendations for a cleaner please. I've had twins so am looking for someone really thorough". Honestly it took everything I had not to post "So anyone who hasn't had twins can make do with a slapdash cleaner eh?". Luckily I was the bigger person and walked away.

Have you seen a social media post today that you've had to talk yourself out of posting on?

LIGHT HEARTED ffs.

A friend from school who belongs to some dating site and nearly every month she is loved up and even engaged to some random bloke in the forces in America who is fit, muscled and tanned. A random search on google usually reveals her new fiancé is a stock photo of someone posing as a soldier yet she still insists its genuine and she's moving her and her kids out to America ASAP to be with the love of her life. I'm sure she sends money out to them too. Then a few weeks later, she's heartbroken as he's been killed in active duty. And then the whole cycle starts again. Nobody likes or comments on any of her posts but I can almost hear hundreds of pairs of eyes collectively roll when a new photo of her latest love pops up.

I came off Facebook in 1st Jan and its been liberating! I always found it hard to stay out of local parking/teenager/dog poo discussions on local groups.

It's a lot better for my blood pressure!

Fucking inspirational quotes.

Death obsessives who comment on every random person or pet passing away with 'fly high angel' etc.

Photos of children doing things that are clearly just for a boast post so you can recognise what great parents they are.

Pictures of piles of Christmas presents.

Parents (and I have to say it is always mums) posting pics of their Ill children and all the details of their illnesses including pictures of antibiotics etc. Fucking attention seekers!

Tagging themselves at hospitals.

Bragging posts of any kind.

Idiots who cant use Google.

Gym taggers (nobody cares)

I'm sure there is more. I am clearly a miserable cow who shouldn't be on FB!

People was repeatedly posting about my cat.
The bloody thing won’t wear a collar. Put one on and it’s gone in five mins. We’ve tried everyone on the market. We’ve nicknamed him Houdini.

He’s looks obviously well fed and well looked after. But sometimes not a week goes by without being tagged by a friend in a ‘missing’ post which is usually a photo of him looking smug as all fuck eating tuna of someone’s else’s kitchen floor.

Finding Facebook twats to part with tuna and ham is his hobby.

*are; not was

Yes!!! A girl I went to school with relocated to Bondi Beach and became the ultimate instagram mum- posted an article of whining Londoners (Oh which I’m one) complaining about their commute when the extinction rebellion was protesting. Took every fibre of my being to not point out : she married rich, never had to work, popped out 4 kids and counting oh and takes flights frequently- including to go to Ikea in Indonesia.

A beauty group I'm in where one woman posts weekly about being bored of her hair and asking whether to grow a fringe out, get a fringe cut, wear it up or down, be blonde or brown. Every week. Accompanied by at least 5 photos of her present hair all indentical taken from subtly different (by about 3 degrees) angles. I know I'm being a bitch by funding it irritating and she's just doing it for the 'gawjus' affirmations and has self-esteem issues, but I am clearly a bitch because it makes me irrationally cross.

I’m in a few mummy Facebook groups, mainly because I’m due soon with 2nd baby and I did find them really helpful last time for 24/7 advice. But oh my days. One woman posted on there recently “I am so mad at my nursery I told them not to give her milk chocolate only white and they gave her some” now I understand the very real concern with allergies, but that wasn’t the reason - it was because “white chocolate is healthier and has less sugar”. Best thing is she had only told them this informally about her preferring it, no official paperwork.

And all the comments were like “yeh hun that’s out of order ur right” and “sugar is so bad you’re right”.

I'm an admin on a freebies page and a couple of sales pages.

My faves are:
"WANTED. Free. Games console. Xbox One or PS4. No Xbox 360's, PS3's or earlier models. Must have two WORKING controllers. Must be able to deliver."

Or "WANTED. Does anyone have an old TV to give away for kids bedroom? Needs to be at least 45" flatscreen. And I don't drive so will need it delivered to X town."

No pleases or thank you in sight. And they always demand delivery. I have been known to remove my hands from under my butt though. Sometimes they just need a good bloody telling!

I do always keep quiet on a friends FB who is always asking for people to take little Bobby and Susie to school for a couple of days and when no one replies (because she has pissed off her whole friends list as we all know it's never just a couple of days), she'll post a bitchy "You know who your friends are then!" Type posts or better yet, has a dig at all the SAHMs who sit on their arses while she WORKS and they're being selfish and lazy not taking just half an hour to take Bobby and Susie while she WORKS and she's WORKING to pay for them to sit at home doing nothing all day.

I'm dying to reply, "How about XX childminder who all the other working parents use round here? She has great rates and is good with the kids"

But I won't. It's not worth WW3

I was in a saving money group but mostly they were pictures of people's yellow sticker buys,
I mean, who needs that much food in the freezer!
totally pointless

@53rdWay aaah the cat posts. There’s a cat group here and they “rescue” “stray” cats. What they actually do is take pity on cats who are outside you know, being cats, and then once they can they grab them and take them to local shelter. Who then scan the cats and call the owners and charge £50 for a pick up. Ffs.

I also hate the “woe is me posts” and the “what’s wrong?” Comments. You just know the response will be “I’ll pm you don’t want to say on fb”

DONT POST IT THEN!

Oh and unemployed people saying “yes it’s friday” how does that make any difference to you?

I thought of another one!
Dieters. No the diets don't work and yes you probably will pile all the weight plus more back on.
Just have bit of choc if you want, its probably the same calorie wise as eating a banana and fecking apple in one sitting!

I’m in a fb selling group for baby things. There’s a poster who is constantly selling things.

Turns out she buys them from people on the group and sells on. Or takes free stuff and sells on. Nothing wrong with buying things and selling on. But if it’s same day and selling on for a profit that’s a bit cheeky.

Otherwise intelligent people posting news items they don't fact check.

Recent example is the 'satellite image' of Australia, apparently smouldering all over. Shared and accompanied by crying faces. That picture is a digital mockup but is being shared as if its real.

Likewise, quotes about how you only get one life so eat the cake etc, attributed to everyone from Robin Williams to Billy Connolly to Christopher Walken.

Would you really not just check first that they actually said it?

Mostly I’m pretty zen, but the one that does make me eye roll is the constant sharing of ‘Some people will stab you in the back but I’ve got the measure of them’ type memes. Those passive-aggressive ones, the ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best’ ones - do you know the sort I mean?

There’s one person on there who shares nothing but those things - she just comes across as being so bitter and brittle. I don’t want to unfriend her as it might cause awkwardness if she noticed (although actually I hardly ever post so doubt it would be noticed) but I hide her regularly...

I saw a great one on a local forum over Christmas.

OP: Does anyone know anything about the elderly lady in the orange jumper who is always sitting on her own in XX cafe.
(post continued to indicate that the OP was wondering if she was going to be alone at Christmas)

First reply: No, sorry, don't know her.

Well, thanks for that. Why fucking bother to post?

The unemployed who post "yes! Made it to pay day!"

I sometimes share lost pets posts which are not in my area if I have FB friends in the area the pet went missing.

The missing people,
er, shouldnt they go through the police?

I don't want it if its not perfect. I need you to deliver

Yep-I see lots of these!

Or.

Wanted: expensive item, must be in excellent condition and be able to deliver.

I always want to reply...Try Argos, they deliver and their stuff is all new!

Or they ask for all those things and then say, ‘but am skint, so plz free or as cheap as poss!’

The dirty washing in public brigade, irresistible though

Ooh loads.

People with loads of selfies with exactly the same expression in each- usually duck face with the weird pursed lips. I have to exercise a lot of restraint to tell them they look fucking ridiculous and far better when they pose naturally.

Include in that people who post pictures of their kids- the female toddler also cats bum mouth in every picture where they’re obviously copying the duck face.

People who share giveaways- virgin flights, vw campervans etc. When 2 seconds on the page show 1 post and some stock images of a van/flight attendant. IT’s fake! Like farming. Takes me all my time not to post reverse image searches where the flight attendant with the magic giveaway envelope is actually sheila from luton airport who got employee of the day.

“Found” cats. People who’ve found a fat, glossy, obviously healthy and well cared for cat in their garden - often with a collar. It “looked hungry” so they fed it and now it comes back every day “obviously starving”. Accompanied by a picture of said cat with it’s head deep in a bowl of tuna. NO! It’s not lost or a stray, it’s a six dinner sid. It comes back because you keep feeding it.
Even worse the replies of aw hun it’s chosen you, well done for taking it in...and the professional cat rescuers offering to come down with their chip scanners.

I actually don't know why I on Facebook tbf cos most of it pisses me off! I've even unfollowed a close friend cos of the shit she posts!

Saw one recently on a Monday "Guys, I'm coming off social media for a while as my mental health is suffering at the moment and I feel like SM is not helping this "......blah, blah blah.
Tuesday "I'm back, did you miss me". No, fuck off.

Inspirational quotes and quotes that are obviously aimed at someone else

Hospital check in's and the "you ok hun" comments

Lost dogs/cats, dog shit, cat shit, crap parking, politics are all regular features on my local forum which generally descends into arguing.

Love SM me

A job i did for 3 months, quite often advertises, I really have to bite my tongue