Awkward Facebook Situation

[Noducks]

I am FB friends with my friend's husband, but not with her as she is not on FB.
I rarely comment on his threads but I do read them. And the comments.

He is currently on holiday without my friend. She is used to this and I don't think it bothers her too much. Various reasons as to why not but not relevant to this post.

FB husband never mentions anything personal. It's all general stuff and he never refers to my friend at all. She is a very private person, so I think that makes sense.

My problem is that another FB friend of his - whom I dont know- has made a couple of personal comments in threads that didn't warrant that kind of response.

1. She has dropped in that my friend is not with him. I know he keeps it quiet when he holidays alone and most people think she is with him. So, she has let the cat out of bag there. He subsequently deleted the whole thread.

1. She made a very strange comment, totally out the blue and wasnt connected to anything he had said that he should 'enjoy his surroundings whilst it lasts!!!xxxx'.

I couldn't help but think that was a very loaded comment, but I'm not sure if Im reading too much into it. It sounded like- enjoy your time away until you return to your unhappy marriage.
I thought maybe I was reading too much into it, but then noticed it had been deleted a few hours later.

The comments have made me feel suspicious about what is going on. I've never noticed any inappropriate comments in the past, but these comments have stood out as being very personal and detrimental to my friend.

Do I tell my friend about them? I'm torn between thinking she should be aware, but not wanting to stir things up needlessly.

Am I reading too much into it? The deletions have made me even more concerned.

Anyone got any advice?

@SusieMyerson i think you should wind your neck in

Why be so fucking rude?

Only a few have made lazy belittling comments. Perhaps I should have been more specific. Apologies to anyone who thought I was referring to them. I just didn't have time to quote the relevant posts.

As I said, I wanted objective viewpoints that were not coloured by friendship/knowlege.

I'm sorry if I have come over snippy in general. Some of you have been very helpful.

Im going to leave well alone, but keep an eye out in case there is anything else. I hope not.

OP is worried about her friend. Why be so rude about it?

It's absolutely none of your business. Keep well out of it.

He might not want to advertise the fact that his wife is home alone or he might not want to say if she is or isn't with him as he doesn't want people to know the house is unoccupied. I wouldn't read anything into it.

To be honest , I cant really see the why you are getting so stressed.
You have heard snippets of a conversation, between one person you don't know and another you barely know, have jumped to some ludicrous assumptions and are are now stalking his FB.
think you may need to find some other interests to occupy your mind.

Oh just to add, I only tell a select few when I am on holiday ( whether its on my own or with DH- and my DH does the same.
For us its a safety and information issue. Ppl may not do the same and that's up to them, but I think you will find a good number of people who follow this practice.

I would leave things alone, but keep an eye on your friend.

Unfortunately something similar in my situation was a prelude - OW was commenting on ex'es posts on facebook, putting up hearts in response to her profile pics etc in a bid to force the situation - these pics, hearts and threads were deleted promptly by my ex at the time. (Now they're all over the place haha)

If I was your friend I'd be just as alarmed by how closely you were monitoring my husband's Facebook than these comments that you think are so suspicious.

Not sure why some people are being so rude, this is CHAT after all not AIBU.

I knew of a similar situation to what suggestionsplease1 has said so,
it may be nothing other than not wanting all and sundry to know the wife is home alone or another reason, but i wouldn't interfere.

2. She made a very strange comment, totally out the blue and wasnt connected to anything he had said that he should 'enjoy his surroundings whilst it lasts!!!xxxx'.

Like PP I suspect this could just mean 'enjoy the holiday before you have to get back to work'. As for the other stuff, who knows? I've deleted stuff on FB before because people who should know better have kicked off in odd ways. Or it could be that he knows people can be weird about him holidaying alone so wants to keep that info away from FB.

I wouldn't tell your friend about it, OP. It could worry her for no good reason. As you say, keep an eye out just in case, but otherwise don't do anything.

If not a "friend in disguise" i would think maybe husband and wife have had words about him getting an extra holiday to himself and the remarks from "friend" could have triggered another dispute hence them being deleted. As for "friend", id say shes just a bitter upstart. I would say nothing, you could inadvertently cause upset by meaning well...

You should not be facebook friends, mute his notifications

Maybe she doesn't have FB because she doesn't feel the need to get sucked into the toxicity of it. So don't suck her in and maybe consider trying it yourself too.

I agree that it looks a bit dodgy - what exactly was the first comment that gave away her not being there? Weird to delete the comments too, but you don't really have enough to go on to mention it.
I'd probably be perusing his whole account and hers as well.... See if you can find anything more obvious? (But I am a bit nosy!)

Burglary is rarer in my rural neck of the woods than elsewhere, yes @youkiddingme. However, I've lived in dodgy areas too, & don't see how having 'a man about the house' would deter burglary.

Interestly, the only time I've been burgled is when I was cohabiting with an althletic 6'3" bloke. Didn't seem to deter the burglars. Could that possibly be because don't select their targets by rigorously selecting onlysingle females?

As to FB - any burglar who wanted to devote their efforts to robbing females exclusively only needs to look at relationship status to get a clue as to which women might be living alone. That's not 'advertising' my single status, but I don't look to hide it either. Why would I?

I dislike the implication that a woman living on her own has more to fear, because it plays into the narrative that women need male protection, that women cannot look after their own security, & that it's dangerous being a lone female. I find that narrative toxic: it's used to instill fear & create the notion of women somehow being 'other' & in need of special measures - just for living in their own house.

Interesting set of comments.

And yes, it did feel like I was on AIBU .

It strikes me as rather odd that when so often we are told to listen to our gut instincts, or be alert to our ' spidey senses', I'm told to ignore. A few exceptions, I admit.

And there seems a lot of suggestions that I shouldn't be his FB friend, Stop stalking him and so on.

1. We have been FB friends for years and I read his posts as they come up on my feed.

I don't think that is inappropriate or stalking. I think most use FB that way?

1. I dont think i need to be called a nosey bastard, told to wind my neck in and so on. I'm on FB as his friend. But my own friend comes first.

1. I dont post my own threads very often unless related to a particular area, but I do comment on other threads.

Not his, though, as I just speak to my friend and anything of particular interest gets mentioned there.

1. I think safety is a concern, not because she is a woman, but it just seems security conscious not to flag up changes. There have been burglaries around her in last year and I know that concerned her as a couple happened when occupiers in the house.

1. I agree second comment was ambiguous, but it seemed oddly phrased.

And final bit - for a question that was asked.
The first comment was similar to.....you seem to be having a great time. And of course I assume your wife isnt there!!!xxxx.

That's what made me do a double take.

You are way too over invested and interested in this man and his social media.

Did you not read my first point?

I give up.

Your friend may not have her own account but for all you know your friend might use her husband’s FB to catch up on what’s going on with all their joint friends but never comments.

This is what my sister does. It’s effectively a joint account with only one person named and visible. Your friend could be logged in and reading for herself.

Stay out of it.

After years of nothing I get an uneasy feeling. That's all I was conveying.

No. She definitely does not have a joint account.

None of your business.