Is this rude? Turning off light leaving me standing in the dark

[weemouse]

Let me explain; We have a big ceiling light and then a tall floor lamp behind the couch, due to position of the floor standard lamp, when entering the livingroom, you would need to put the big light on first, then walk over to put the standard light on (which is a better light as its a dimmer and just the angle into the Room), then pop the big light off - and then vice versa for leaving the room. (sounds a hassle it takes seconds to do it)

Last night after finishing watching TV, I get up and turn the TV off, start walking over to the wall switch for the big light, and before I can get there, my husband, who is on the couch, leans back and turns off the standard lamp completely, leaving me flailing in the complete dark to find my way to the wall switch, I mean its only a couple of feet, but really dis-orientating.

My husband has done this a couple of times historically, I've told him it's rude, we've had words, and he's just done it again last night!

It pisses me off no end that he does this.

Would this annoy you to be left standing in the dark like this trying to find the wall light? Or do I need to get a grip?

Alternatively, LTB...

A third alternative could be to get light up trainers?

I see by your update it's part of a pattern - care to share other dick moves from him to make your life uncomfortable?

I think that it's really rude tbh.

Why not just go up to bed & leave him to turn the lamp out & walk out of the room in the dark?

My DH would do it to make me laugh or wind me up!

My dad used to come in and switch the kitchen lights off when I was chopping veg - it's a bit dull in there in the daytime if the sun isn't shining on it and I can't see the chopping board very well without the downlighter directly over it being well. I used to shout "Oi!"

I doubt you'd be posting unless you were questioning his attitude in general tbh. In a happy relationship this incident would be totally trivial, but it's certainly the kind of thing a controlling, abusive twat might do on purpose as part of his m.o.

TwentyViginti it's like he is a subtle gas lighter, and everything is always my fault, and I'm taking it the wrong way.

He is controlling over food, due to his own diabetes issues, I am actually very thin and healthy and he makes constant statements when we're in company about my supposedly terrible eating habits which leave me like

He makes comments to my child too about everything he eats, it's so bad.

My mother thinks he's up his own arse also.

Other issues aside, I'm genuinely interested if your house is really that dark without the lights on? Like, I can still navigate my house easily without the lights on, it's not pitch black.

Peanutbutteryoghurt. Yes it's pitch black, we have shutters and when they're closed you can't see your hand in front of your face

DobbinOnTheLA what you're saying about it never being resolved, that's the point completely, I've asked him quite a few times not to do it, can he not just wait till I get to the light, and yet, no, he has to do it again.

DogInaTent. I read bits here and there from The Pattern, I don't use it to follow my relationship.

I've just read a few enlightening phrases and situations that were a wake up moment and rung very similar. I'm not that woo, don't panic.

Anyone that makes a habit of doing little aggressive gestures toward their partner is trouble. If this happened, you said Oi, can't see, don't do that! And it didn't happen again, that's a minor thing not worth mentioning. You're posting because this is a tiny symptom of a much bigger issue. You know otbisbt an accidental mistake.

If this is all he does then I think you’re being overdramatic. But something tells me he’s doing more than this ?

Not rude, just thoughtless and trying to be helpful.

We have a similar setup too - all the women in the house coordinate, dh just flips it off. Doesn't mean anything by it.

My husband has very poor night vision and spacial awareness and I've watched him flailing around in dim light when I can see perfectly well.

He asked me to leave the front porch light on so he has something to aim for in the down stairs hallway before the indoor table lamp with a motion detector comes on. The lamp takes about 2 seconds to come on. He can't even walk in a straight line for 2 seconds!?!

weemouse My husband would say he'll always turn it back on, but he won't just leave it in the first place. He admits nothing will convince him that switching it off makes any difference to what I'm doing. I've told him I don't care if he believes me or not, just leave the light alone if I'm already there. And around it goes.

In your first post, I thought you were making something out of nothing but seeing your update about your partner making comments about your eating and your child's eating makes me think he's got a nasty side to him.

I wouldn't stand for a partner making comments about what I ate and definitely not about what my child ate.

He’s a duck and he’s doing it to control you.

He’s also a dick. (Thanks autocorrect.)

I would take this very seriously - especially his issues with food around your child which could easily lead to a lifetime of eating disorders for said child.

Is it type two diabetes caused by his unhealthy lifestyle? He may be projecting.

Is the Big Light switch by the door you need to go out to bed? Can you just keep in going and leave him in the dark?

He really can be a twat. He also has a tendency to make decisions to please others at the expense of our child and I.

He's never content when it's just the 3 of us, always seeking other company, and we're just not good enough.

He is Type1 diabetes, but he has serious food snob issues and is always projecting them. I tear a strip of him for commenting on what I'm eating, I cannot stand it.

My husband does this kind of thing as well. A few years ago he started turning off the light when he was ready to go to sleep when we had been reading in bed, he has no idea if I am ready or not.

My (adult) DH finds doing this hilarious. When we finish watching TV in the evening he'll jump up and run round turning all the downstairs lights off, cackling like a goose, leaving me in the dark. We've had words about it not being funny EVERY night. Apparently it still is. It's related to still thinking it's funny to jump out and scare me and to trap me under the duvet with a roasting fart. He's middle aged, very intelligent and has a dour, responsible, senior job.

I blame Public school.

Seems the light is the last straw, so understandable why it is irritating.

My Dad does things like that when we stop. I will be sat in the room having a drink and he will reach his hand in and switch the light off.

"I blame Public school."

Yeah, that'll be what it is.