Do you have friends?

[Horcrux]

Particularly if you have a husband and children?
I have a few friends that I do sport with, who I have met through the sport. We don’t socialise at any other time and meet up maybe once a month together. My dh has no friends, he used to have loads when we met but since the dc have been born he’s not been interested in keeping up friendships.
We have a few ‘parent’ friends who we meet up with occasionally on weekends/holidays for walks/activities with the kids.

He seems to think that I shouldn’t be spending weekends with the non parent friends at all, even if it’s only once a month because this time is family time. If I want to meet up with friends then I should do it in the evenings.

I don’t think this is right.

What is your dynamic?

Well I'm divorced, but yes I have friends, and yes I saw them at weekends when I was married, as did my ex husband.

I don't see life as just revolving around my (ex) husband and children, I like to spend time with other people too.

No I don't have friends. I like my own company.
But I encourage dp to keep his friendships and sport that he plays.
We had 2 dc's.
You shouldn't have to give it up.

That was my thinking @Waxonwaxoff0 My dh works away offshore on a 3week on/off rota, so when he isn’t here I am with dc on my own for at least 2 weekends, we sometimes do stuff just the 3 of us or sometimes meet up with other parents/children.

So when he’s here he naturally wants to spend his weekends with me and dc, but it’s also the only chance bar evenings I get to do something for myself.

Whatever you do dont give up your friendships. I think it's a bit of a red flag that your H is asking you to. Seems a bit controlling.

My ExH and I had our own friends that we spent time with, and now he isnt here anymore, I still spend time with them. My best friend and I meet up once a week at our local pub quiz, and my other very good friend and I meet up once a month or so for dinner, and go away for a weekend every year ( though that may change now as she is PG with her first).

Its healthy to have your own time.

Of course you should have friends!

As the old adage says - they are the family we choose for ourselves, my friends make my life richer.

What is DHs plan when the kids grow up and move out? Will he suddenly be interested in his pre DC friends then?

We’ve been together 16yrs and he had a few friends to start with as he used to be in to a sport, but then he got injured and then we had dc so he drifted away from the sport and his friends.

If I'm honest I dont really have any close friends. I have a few who I would loosely call friends but have mostly drifted apart from my friendship group over the years, mostly due to different life choices and circumstances. I have however decided this year I'm going to try harder to make more time to socialise with the ones I do have and try to make more friends. DH is the same as me really. I wouldn't give up the friends you do have.

I think it is very, very strange for an adult to have no friends.

I don’t know @Allmyarseandpeggymartin, I think he’ll just get another dog and wander the hills alone or with me.

Why @DickDewy?

I think it’s rather odd not to have friends - I have a number of friendship groups, from school, university, sports groups, old workplaces, NCT etc.

I find MN’s attitude quite odd sometimes, almost a competitive “I don’t have any friends” feeling on threads like this

I don’t have any friends literally none.
The only people on my phone are my children and their husbands/wives.
My only social life is with them.
I don’t go any where unless to see them or to go grocery shopping.
I often think I would like some but I’m not very good at friendships.

I have a small group of close friends. None of them school mums or anything like that. Some are from childhood and some are from people I met when I was in my teens.

For me, it's the quality and not the quantity.

I have a DP (fiancè) and we plan to have kids sooner rather than later. We live together.

I have around 8 close friends. Some are in the same group, some aren't. For various reasons my DP didn't have many good friends when we first met (his best friend lives abroad) and I think he was a bit surprised by how much I valued my friends. He didn't have a problem with it, just was surprised. Fast forward 10 years and he now has a similar sized group of friends.

We both value friends a lot. Although we love each other, generally I prefer socialising with my friends (as does he) because we live together! We probably split our time 45/45 socialising with friends on our own and with friends and each other. 10% is just us and that's the way we both like it!

I’ve actually just looked at my phone forgot my sister and niece are on there too.

Yes, I have friends. I would hate to be completely dependent on only one person for all company, support etc. My friends are very important to me.

The very phrase "family time" gives me the creeps. It's so claustrophobic. A family should look outwards, as well as inwards. In a blink of an eye, your DC will be doing their own thing at weekends, and you'll be stuck indoors with a miserable git husband with no friends.

Why @DickDewy?

Because to restrict yourself to your partner and children is very peculiar, imo.

We are a close family, but we have a huge circle of friends too. This includes really close friends and more peripheral ones. Some we see every week and some only once or twice a year. We don't go through a week where we don't see some of our friends. My husband had a close group when I met him and I did too. Then we have gone on to make a large amount of very dear friends since becoming parents. I think our lives are massively enhanced by friendships and we have always fostered the importance of having friends with our children.

Family alone just isn't enough in life and great friends add so much.

For me, post-DC friends have either become family friends or fallen by the wayside/have a lot less contact with them than before. Also have made a lot of new parent friends and acquaintances locally.

I wouldn't like DH to regularly spend weekends doing solo socialising and vice versa. I'm happy with this arrangement and feel it's a natural maturation process. I do think it's healthy to try to maintain some sense of yourself as a separate person, for now work and evening classes/socialising are enough for us. I'm content to put this aspect of life on the back boiler while DC young.

This approach might not be right for everyone however, I think the important thing is that both partners are in agreement.

No.

I’m very friendly so I pick up acquaintances very easily but I’m happier not having any close friends.

I was like this from when I was a child, long before I had children.

My best friend is DP. I've never told him this but mostly he is thoroughly enjoyable to be around.

I have two friends who I see rarely due to logistics. I have many acquaintances but have recently cut most of my friends out. Their choice or mine. I feel very lonely and it's odd. DP is thick as thieves with his friends. Even after moving away 15 years ago when we met.

I don't know if it's a female thing but that feels unreasonable to say.

I lost my close friends recently after a falling out and it breaks my heart but I'm glad to be free of the hassle. I find people are difficult and rarely worth it.

I have a couple

I’m not really into people.

I have maybe 4 close friends but due to distance I see them twice a year.

P.s no partner should dictate to the other who they spend time with.

I really enjoy our weekends together but understand that we each want to be away from each other sometimes. It's not your fault he has stopped socialising.