If you're parents worked full time when you were a child...

[Newyearnewme2020]

What do you wish they had done differently?

I'm worried that my dc will grow up to hate that I work full time. At the minute I have to work full time, I don't have a choice to cut down. I feel guilty and want to know what I can do to make it easier for them.

I am gone from 7am until 5pm Monday to Friday. I am there for them every morning when they wake up and have a few hours with them before bed every evening. I do their bed time routine.

I bring ds to all his training and scouts in the evenings and always go to his football, rugby blitzs etc at the weekend.

They are with my mother when I'm at work so they are well cared for and looked after.

Without being too hard on me, please tell me what you wish your parents had done for you when you were younger.

Both my parents worked full time. Mum was a teacher so free on school holidays. It was my normal. Mum was home after school and that was just the way it was. She went back to work when I was 6 months old and we had a full time nanny until I was 16 even though I went to boarding school at 8 and was only home for the holidays. Love both my parents, they are the absolute best. They made it for every school performance, play, choir concert, orchestra and sports day.

I will say the best time I had was when mum was on maternity leave and she was home when I came back from school but honestly being home at 1pm and home at 5pm not much different to a child. They get used to it.

I really didn't like going to the child minder whilst my mum and dad worked. But they chose one that was Convenient-over the road from home-but she didn't have any other kids there so I was utterly bored.
I also didn't really get time with them at weekends. My dad was always doing football stuff with my brother and my mum did shopping/cooking/gardening.
Things were quite different then though- there wasn't the drive to entertain kids all the time as there is now-and I guess it wasn't the done thing to arrange your weekends around the kids as it is now I suppose.

For my part I also work full time (and have always felt very guilty about it) but I made sure the childminder had plenty of kids there, and was active in playing with them etc. Mine were treated as part of her family and they loved her.
And I get all my housework done in the week where I can so I can spend better quality time with them at weekends.

I also work as flexibly as possible and pick them up from school as often as I can

My mum was not home in the evenings when I was little because she worked until 9 each night. I didn’t think it really effected me, but when I think back to one day I came home and she had the day off I remember feeling like I was so lucky as I could go straight to my room and do my homework and when I came down she’d made dinner. Soooo, if she’s have worked normal hours like you I think I would have been much happier.

Nothing. I loved going to my nan's after school with all of my cousins and siblings (there were 11 of us altogether; my nan had to feed us in shifts!), helping the younger ones read and watching TV together.

As I got older I used to go out with my friend from school and create havoc in our estate and I loved the freedom of going to the park or just playing in the garden for hours without being called in to do chores and homework.

My mum worked normal hours during the week so was home by 6 to take us home and put us to bed.

My children go to a childminder's house 2x a week and if I work any other days my mum picks them up. They get to play with each other, other kids at the childminder's and their cousins. I'm home usually by 4.30 and don't work school holidays which also helps.

I wish that my parents especially my DM had more time for me and not doing things like chores, rushing to and from places, being grumpy and expecting me to pick up the slack with cooking or my younger siblings.

Time was very precious and she sought ways to palm us off to others (thankfully safely without any repercussions), and made business a mode of life. As a result she was always tired. If we went somewhere like the cinema or she managed to come to school events, she would inevitably fall asleep.

But she put us through private school without my dad's help and all four of us are professionals. I am eternally grateful that no one can take that away from us. But she always brings it out against us if we disagree with something that she plans on doing

the world ain't level!

What you describe sounds totally normal to me OP! I think it’s quite rare nowadays for a family to survive on one salary. Both my parents worked FT from when I was three months old. Wouldn’t change a thing. I learnt a good work ethic from them and I’m very proud of what they both achieved. What they did right was to do nice things with me when they could - nice family holidays, birthdays, Christmas etc. You don’t need to do incredible things every day. Try to maintain bedtime stories as long as you can, it’s a good opportunity to spend some quiet time together and older DC often open up about their day when there aren’t any younger siblings about.

My mum worked full time in the 90s and I don’t remember any of my friends mum’s working FT. There were times I did resent it as I’d have given anything for her to pick me up from school and cook me a decent dinner like my friends. Her job was, and still is, very stressful and she wasn’t always good at hiding that from us in the evenings and our dinners were often late and crap. She did however always prioritise our school events and she would be there wherever she could. Likewise , she made sure we never missed out on clubs and experiences. The childminder I had in my early years pretty much became another grandmother figure to me. She adored me and I her.

As an adult, I can appreciate how bloody hard my mum worked to keep a roof over our heads after my parents split. She had very little spare cash despite working all hours. My brother and I are fiercely independent and were even as teenagers and we have always striven to excel academically and professionally which I think came from watching her for all those years. Watching her struggle financially, despite working so hard, also instilled in me the importance of being financially independent.

Now I’m a mother to a toddler, and I have chosen to work part-time l as I can afford to and because I chose to. I know my mum would have loved to have worked part-time and have been present more. I appreciate how lucky I am to have that choice. I may return to work FT once my DC, and any future ones, are school age though as I would like to progress my career in the future which I can’t do as while I’m PT.

I had lovely, working full-time parents. They shared fun times with me. I was also asked to help with “chores” buying milk on my way past, paying the newspaper bill on my way to meet friends. I loved this and I was better prepared for leaving home for university., including budgeting.

My parents both worked full time from when I was 6 weeks old. Apparently they did shift work so juggled childcare between them, childminder and my Nan (at least initially, I remember weekends all spent together so they must have got sick of never seeing each other!). Tbh I don't really remember and never felt resentful. I do remember my childminder and Nan though,I absolutely loved them. They were both v crafty/arty unlike my parents!

Thanks everyone for your responses.
I can attend most of ds activities as they are evenings and weekends. Important things in school that ds has a part in like plays, I take time off/move work hours to be there. Things like mass in school I don't attend, but my mother goes in my place so ds always has someone there.
I always take his birthday day off work and I'm home for Christmas.
I try my best to put on a happy face in front of the kids and not show any stress.
A lot of you have said you would have liked if your parents were more present when they were with you, and mind not drifting to chores. This is somewhere that I can definitely improve on, even as one person suggested I am at home now with the kids waiting for my food shopping delivery, whereas before it would have been a stressful trip to the supermarket for the 3 of us.

Some of you have also reminded me of the relationship me I had with my nan, who I spent a lot of time with when I was younger. We were very close and I'm glad ds is also that close to his grandparents.

@Theducksarenotmyfriends agree here about the crafts! He gets to do lots more painting and glitter etc with his nan, it's not my strong point

Ill give you the other side of being a sahp and not working.

My mother didn't stopped working when she had my brother- I'm 5 years younger, and she hasn't worked since.

She's dirt poor and flies on us financially for food. State pension just doesn't pay.

She was never there for us emotionally and never protected some of us (5 in total) from abuse.

We never went abroad and frequently starved, had holes in our clothes and the were 4 of us in 1 room as teenagers.

I hated that she never worked, even if the job was a crap one. She is still toxic to this day and I keep my DD away from her as much as possible as she's a bad influence.

Why do you sound as though you think being a FT working parent is an unusual or odd thing, OP?

I think it is quite unusual, I know less than 4 or 5 women who went back to work full time after they had children. Most of my friends went back part time (only 10-15 years ago)

@ElefanteIntheroom I'm sorry to hear your story and what you have been through.

Only that my mum would do what she said she’d do; I didn’t mind the working it was the promises to finish early (meaning on time rather than working late really) on a particular day that then excuses were always made for that hurt. But then my mum is retired and still doesn’t follow through on promises so that could have happened if she didn’t work.

My parents both worked FT and my grandparents collected us from school every day.

I never felt I missed out and think my Mum has given me a strong work ethic. Don't feel guilty.