If you're parents worked full time when you were a child...

[Newyearnewme2020]

What do you wish they had done differently?

I'm worried that my dc will grow up to hate that I work full time. At the minute I have to work full time, I don't have a choice to cut down. I feel guilty and want to know what I can do to make it easier for them.

I am gone from 7am until 5pm Monday to Friday. I am there for them every morning when they wake up and have a few hours with them before bed every evening. I do their bed time routine.

I bring ds to all his training and scouts in the evenings and always go to his football, rugby blitzs etc at the weekend.

They are with my mother when I'm at work so they are well cared for and looked after.

Without being too hard on me, please tell me what you wish your parents had done for you when you were younger.

Both my parents worked long hours full time. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and am grateful for the strong relationship that has built.

I don't have any bad feelings for them working, they provided a great life for me, and set a good example that I think I have carried into my adult life.

I’m now 42 now and my mum worked all my childhood - up to the age of 9 she worked around school hours (nighttime etc) but once I was 9 she went back to full time work. I was able at that time to bring my younger sibling home on the bus afterschool and my younger sibling went to nursery.
The only thing we didn’t like was during the first summer she asked as friend to watch us and that was awful the lady was horrible!! But once that was sorted then all good. I don’t hold any issues have healthy relationships with parents!

I have worked full time with my children and my eldest is now 16 and sees it as a positive thing?

My parents had a very active social & leisure life. Which I was most often not involved with or invited to. They often criticised me for being (introverted) not being extremely sociable, which harmed my self-esteem.

They also worked FT & could be tired on weekends, disinterested in me to some extent, but those were not problems to me.

I don't remember even thinking about it enough to have any bad feelings about it, I just thought that's what people did. It was fine.

My mum was a single parent for most of my childhood and it didn't bother me that she had to work full time. She had to provide somehow. In the summer holidays we went to our grandparents which we loved and I'm so happy we got all that time with them now that one of them has since passed. Now I'm a mum I appreciate so much what my mum did to provide for us. The only thing I didn't like was the childminder we had cause she used to just sit us in front of the tv but your DC don't have that problem

Nothing. My mum went back full time though when I was about seven, but my brother would have been younger. Her and my dad juggled things, and our next door neighbour and grandparents looked after us after school. I have no bad memories whatsoever about them working full time in demanding jobs. I don’t think my siblings do either, it’s never come up in conversation. I have positive memories of seeing the example they both set by having full working lives as well as full social lives, which they had with us, and also without us.

I’ve worked full time since my wee one was eleven months. Never felt guilty, she’s had wonderful experiences with her childminder, who we are both close to, and now at the school club. I hope to show my daughter the positive example of working in a career that I care about that my mother especially showed me.

Both my parents worked FT. To this day I see a working mum as a norm rather than the exception

Both my parents worked full time. I have no resentment, we needed the money and I knew Mum (and Dad) had no choice.
But I was passed round relatives for child care and remember feeling guilty if I was ill and Mum had to come out if work. On the plus side I spent the entire summer with a relative in a different part of the country. It was worse really when I was at secondary, I had some problems with anxiety and depression, I hated coming home to an empty house.
I was lucky enough not to have to work when I had a child and I chose not to, I do appreciate how fortunate I am. I'm a bit 🙄 about people who say it's a good example to your girl children and instills a good work ethic, I found the exact opposite and a lot of parenting couples I know are horrendously stressed, juggling too many plates and would gladly have one person at home or both work part time, if they could afford it. Mumsnet feels do alien to my life sometimes.

Apologies, I should take the time to preview🤦‍♀️

Nothing.
In fact now she’s gone I realise how special my mum was in terms of a working woman.

She was born in 1928 . Trained as a teacher and continued to work full time after marrying dad. She covered his retraining costs into teaching and kept them going when they lost the tied house after he was injured at work ( forestry for national trust , mid 1950s). She was the biggest earner and he was the “ trailing spouse “.

My parents never took time off for anything. I was quite into drama when I was in school and usually got good parts and they never came to any of my shows or concerts, even when they where on a few times over different days. When I was sick I was sent to work with my dad, he was a truck driver so I’d be sitting in the cab wanting to die and wishing I was back home in bed. They where/are such good parents in other ways but I just wish they paid a big more attention to those sorts of things. The funny thing is now they have grandchildren they always make sure they’re at plays/concerts, and both offer to take time off to come to doc apps or when babies are going for injections. Not sure what’s changed in 20 years.

I know this isn't what you asked but I had a sahm till my teenage years. I was incredibly bonded to her, indeed far too much which made things really awful for me when she eventually went to work. Indeed, my first serious relationship failed because I was too scared to leave home, I genuinely couldn't bear to be away from her. Don't know if this helps or not!

My parents both worked full time, my dad had longer hours. I remember him reading to us every night, play time, board games etc. I know mum did more running around but not much actual time with us. I have literally no memories of her spending quality time with us. That's what counts.

*Why do you sound as though you think being a FT working parent is an unusual or odd thing, OP?(

It's not unusual but it's also not always very common. I'm 29 and work full time with a son, but all of my school friends with children work part-time, all of my colleagues with young children work part-time, and none of my uni friends have children yet.

So actually for me, I don't have a close relationship with any full-time working mother of a young child, so I'm nor surprised the OP has asked.

I wish my mum had worked more in all honesty. My dad worked full time but she didn't and we could never afford things. We were close in age and so no little ones to look after. If she'd have worked school hours even in a min wage job life would have been very different and I wouldn't have been forced to work long hours at the age of 16 to buy my own clothes, toiletries and support myself whilst trying to study.

I remember having a huge amount of respect for my best friends mum who was an architect and worked long hours but they had the most amazing time every weekend, she would never take the time for granted, an absolutely wonderful mother.

I wished my parents had worked! I grew up on benefits, my parents never worked. It was a horrible existence. I was jealous of other children who went on day trips, holidays, clubs etc.

I am now going in my 20th year of teaching and have always worked full time (except for my two years mat leave). My children have never known any different. I sometimes have mum guilt especially around DS who is under assessment and I often wonder if his life would be easier if I was around more during term time but then I think back to my childhood and I realise my children have so many more opportunities open to them that I never did and their lives are so much more enriched than if I didn’t work.

My parents both worked FT out of necessity. My mum ran a business from home but never made time to play with us. My dad did and I have many fond memories of playing with my dad although he was so rarely at home as worked very long hours. It instilled in my sibling and me a strong work ethic which others often comment on and showed us if you work hard you can achieve. My parents now have a very comfortable retirement which they earned through hard work and determination. I have always worked FT but ensure when I am with the kids we cook or play games or do things together. Slightly off topic but my friends/family who reduced hours or stayed at home when kids small have never recovered when returning to FT work career-wise and none have been promoted or increased earnings significantly. The FT mums I know like me have all progressed and are much more financially secure than our PT or SAHM peers.

It sounds like you are doing your very best!

I wished that my Mum or Dad would have come to my sports days, it always felt like I was the only child without their mum or dad there.

I also would have wanted my Mum to have come straight from work to get me from my Grandma's but instead she went to the gym for an hour 3 nights a week which looking back I think was a little selfish of her. I know if I was in her shoes now I wouldn't do that. Bare in mind I didn't see my Mum at the weekend much either because I would always go to my Dads. She would be in bed by 8pm every night whereas me and my sister were allowed to stay up until 9 when we were passed a certain age. I barely saw her!

Both parents worked FT- when we were very young my mum did shifts and then later more of a 9-5. My dad worked very locally in his own business, so was around more after school etc as he finished at 4.30, but my gran would also keep an eye on us. We walked ourselves to school from quite young and grew up in a village where all the kids just roamed around together anyway.

I was proud of my mum- not many women had career jobs where I grew up and she also did a degree while working FT. She tells me I used to complain she wasn't around for playdates and didn't make cakes, which i don't remember at all. We did hate holiday clubs, which they gave up on while we were still young and patched together care.

My dad was a bit crap though- even though he was his own boss he never ducked out for assemblies etc even though it was 1000x easier for him and he earned less too. I definitely felt how stressful that was, so do share that load.

It also made me self sufficient- I'd come home, light the fire, get dinner on etc. This did not work quite as well for my brother.

Both my parents worked full time and I hated it. I was an only child too so very lonely. Parents wouldn't be home till gone 6pm. I was in after school clubs till 12 and then at 14 I was left to my own devices.

I'm a SAHM now. Can't imagine not being at the school gates for my kids.

My father worked 6 days a week until 7pm so I remember him not being around much. My mother stayed at home when we were small and then worked full time when we were all in secondary school.

I do remember she would rush home and make tea for everyone and everything was a bit fractious as she was obviously stressed trying to get everything done.

My parents were not professional people and they did not have many opportunities when they were young eg family support/education.

They are both intelligent people and I do think in another life they could have been university educated in a profession they enjoyed and in that sense I feel like they missed out. They both worked hard for not a lot of pay and I would have liked to have seen them with a higher standard of living.

To sum up I think both parents working full time (maybe one parent part-time in their children’s early years) in a career they enjoy on a decent salary is the ideal.

My dad worked full-time but used to get the college holidays off. My mum was a SAHM when I was younger, then part-time from when I was about 7, then full-time from when I was about 11. The only thing I remember not liking was having to go to my sister's friend's house after school some days during primary. I found it boring and would have much rather been at home. On a few occasions my grandparents came to stay with us (for example if my mum was away on a residential course) which I loved.

At high school I used to let myself in with a key after school and then be home alone until about 5:45, which was fine, and then as I got older was sometimes home alone all day during the holidays (parents were divorced by then).

Different perspective. My mum did not work outside the home. She had worked in quite a high level role that was hard for women to break into in the 60s and 70s before she had me. She loved me and we had lots of quality time together but as I grew up I could see that she was bored and lonely and that she missed work (she looked after one of her parents). I also wondered why she didn't work like many of my friends' parents did.

I have a 2 year old and work full time, sometimes very long hours - it makes sense for us financially, I didn't want to stop work and my job can't easily be done part time. Like you I make sure my time with her is good time. It's because I promised myself I wouldn't stop working unless I wanted to specifically because of seeing my mum spend her life unfulfilled. (NB I think that being an SAHM is great, and hugely worthwhile, like any other job is if it is what you want to do.)

PS I didn't understand how much care my grandparent needed until I was older but my point is that even in the 80s and 90s it was relatively unusual that she did not work at all, esp once I was in secondary school.

I've always worked full time since my children were babies. I've been glad to, so I can provide them with a decent lifestyle.
My parents didn't have careers, my mum didn't work. We were very poor and life was a struggle. I always knew I wanted it to be different if I had children. I also want my children to be proud that I have a good job and hopefully have set a good example as I didn't feel like this about my mother.