“ Feed the man first...”

[Weenurse]

Christmas Day, DH, DM and me.
Salads made, I carved the turkey and offered the platter to DM first to help herself.
Her response was “feed the man first...”
I grew up youngest of 4 and only girl, this was my life until I left home.
Anyone else?

I hope you served yourself first after she said that, what a ridiculous woman.

P.s. salad with christmas dinner?

I live in Australia, too hot for anything else!
DH played along and said “yeah, feed me first” with s big grin on his face.
I insisted that she go first.
I would have hoped I had dragged her into the modern era by now, but no luck yet🤷‍♂️

YABVVVVU. The man goes first and gets the choice meat. You sit on the floor washing his feet. If there are any leftovers, you may eat them discreetly in the kitchen, but be wary of meat because it'll set your uterus off.

Nooo, other way around here - oh is french and there’s a very definite order to serving - women guests firsts, other women then male guests then male host. Not sure if it’s a French thing or just a his family thing. He gets a strange twitch when I forget and serve in some random order!

Men first for dinner? Never heard that one before, always ladies first. Or children

Funny thing is, older brothers always go last when we share big family meals and help ourselves.
Their wives taught them right!
DM is very old fashioned about other thing as well.
Thinks being gay is a choice, does not know DGD is gay.
@Obligatorync do I need to dry his feet with my hair as well?

@Weffiepops, she grew up in the depression in a farming family. 2 boys and 6 girls. Men got fed first so they could work.
Apparently looking after 8 children in a 2 roomed shack with a dirt floor did not entitle my GM to be fed first!
Go figure

My mother remembers this from her childhood - ‘have the men had enough?’. I think it was because of the work they did, hard physical labour in steel and shipbuilding, long shifts.

Surely if you’re going to do a specific serving order that isn’t based on where people are sat you go children first as they takes ages to eat.

It’s especially galling when it comes from your mil who comes from a farming family where both men and women worked hard on the fields (but the women also then had to work hard at home too). She’s also a feeder and during family get togethers often ends up giving ALL the food to the men, thus leaving women with just pickles and roti to eat.

Based on what you've posted about her upbringing why are you surprised that she says it?

I'm not sure what the issue is, older people with different life experiences have views based on them. You don't agree with her butt worth falling out about imo

old habits die hard
i remember an episode of Back in time for dinner,
the man had the bacon the rest of the family had bread with a smattering of bacon juice

Well, tradition, innit.

Meanwhile, back in 21st century urban life where I am lucky enough to be able to afford to adequately feed everyone, I plate up hot food for young children first, so that those plates have cooled down more than anyone else's plate by the time it gets to the table! Whichever adult I like best that week has their plate done last, so that they have the hottest food.

Bonus points when she gives you MINIATURE portions (of mostly veg and a tiny silver of turkey breast) because 'women don't need to eat as much' despite you being on the lower end of a healthy BMI. Meanwhile, all the men around the table have got whole drumsticks, Yorkshire puddings etc.

Does it matter who goes first?

I think it is just deeply ingrained in her now. We have tried to change her views on other things and been slightly successful.
Just no luck with this.
Since we have been home ( DM lives in a different state) DH has been constantly saying “ feed the man first” with a big stupid grin on his face.

@holoholic this is why I am a fan of serve yourself.
We have a lazy sussan in the middle of the table and people help themselves.
Does she get shitty if you ask for more food?

This is a generational thing, it’s not about ‘sexism’ my gran does exactly the same thing because the men used to go out and work physical labour all day whilst the women stayed home.

No we don’t live like that anymore, no I would never ‘serve the men first’ now but equally I’d never be rude enough to mock and laugh at someone of a different generation. It’s not their fault they were raised differently.

Honestly in 40 years my kids will probably think I’m a laughable artefact and totally embarrassing because I ‘still use gender pronouns’ or some shit like that 😬

Fraid so re the hair. I'm a bit worried you had to ask. Have you considered remedial classes?

@Weenurse I rarely contact her these days, let alone have a sit-down meal with her. Growing up though, I distinctively remember being told that my boyfriend at the time would leave me if I became fat or that the leftovers were for DF in case he got hungry later that night! That being said, this was also the woman who kicked up a fuss whenever I mentioned doing sports at school (because she thinks it's unfeminine) so it all makes sense.

Yep this was my life too OP. Youngest and only girl with three older brothers. I was served last even as an adult. My oldest brothers got the best food ;the steaks etc, while I got Spam. My mum was a traditional working class mum married and with her first child in the late 50's..

@Obligatorync do I need to dry his feet with my hair as well?

You mean you haven't been? The poor man, how he must be suffering!

Also although it is a generational thing, all the women on my family were out working as well as the men too. Working class women have always had to work. And then came home and worked some more!

Honestly in 40 years my kids will probably think I’m a laughable artefact and totally embarrassing because I ‘still use gender pronouns’ or some shit like that 😬

This is a very good point.

@WorldsOnFire I see your point. My nan would always feed my grandad first because he'd normally just come in from god knows how many hours on their farm. And so it becomes habit and certainly not done with the intention of being unkind. These kind of things will just die out as generations do.

Is the OP saying 'their wives taught them right' about her brothers going last, any better? I don't know.