“ Feed the man first...”

[Weenurse]

Christmas Day, DH, DM and me.
Salads made, I carved the turkey and offered the platter to DM first to help herself.
Her response was “feed the man first...”
I grew up youngest of 4 and only girl, this was my life until I left home.
Anyone else?

My mum nearly had a meltdown that OH cooked Christmas dinner. Then we got fed first. The amount of hand wringing she does in general because I "don't take care of him" is hilarious.

Working class women have always had to work.

I'm not sure @bogginmacaroni, maybe that would vary from family to family depending on options of childcare When my mum was young women were expected to give up work, sometimes on marriage but definitely when they had children. The men went out to work and the women raised the children and 'kept' the house.

I was always taught guests, women then everyone else. So if you were female AND a guest you were served first.

There is a huge assumption that women didn't work as a justification. Grandma got up at 4 every morning, fed the animals, baked bread and so on. By 6 they both went to the fields and worked side by side. She'd walk home at lunch to feed the animals,walk back work some more. Then come home and make dinner, laundry,clean etc.

If she stayed home there were land and crops to look after there as well and the animals. Water from a well only , made her own soap, patched the walls and painted them.

When I worked in a fancy restaurant we always served the oldest woman first, then the rest of the women, then the oldest man, then the rest of the men. Not sure where in the order DC came - didn't get that many. Maybe first?

We tend to do guests first and then whats more convenient tablewise. DS is usually last so the food's a bit cooler for him.

I remember my dad slating me because I didn't have dinner on the table for DP when he came home from work one evening. He said it was cruel and I should "look after my man." He seemed to have forgotten I'd been looking after 2 DC under 3 and hadn't had time to prepare dinner for the moment DP returned home from work. Even DP was appalled by this. Didn't speak to my dad for a few weeks afterwards and he never bought it up again either.

@obligatorync @DeathraystareI need to sign up for the classes again, I think I failed first time around

It's always been guests, children first in our house, then whatever way it comes. In my DH household, men first esp the major earner. In my parents, children, mother, father.

Interesting topic.

My PILs have some eye rolling habits where FIL's food is concerned:

Feeding him first before herself
Getting him a plate from the buffet (family buffet) choosing items for him and bringing this to him

Getting a smaller plate/portions for herself. This applies to any women visiting hers too.

When we go to a carvery restaurant FIL comments on and has even pointed at women who dare to have larger portions on their plates (MIL eats like a sparrow as a result). I make sure my plate is full when we go to such places and when FIL comments I point out that his plate is pretty stacked too.

He's only 5ft 5 so not buying the "but he needs more food" argument washes.

@Camomila not that you’ll ever need to know again, but girl children come after the rest of the women and boy children last of all (I worked in a fancy restaurant too ).

I grew up in a working class household (northern mining family) and now I think about it, the men were fed first and the biggest portions. It didn’t make the blindest bit of difference though, as a) no one made a big song and dance about it or drew attention to it and b) no one started eating until everyone had their food so it didn’t matter who got it first.

My grandad was born in 1918 and he was the most enlightened man of his generation I’ve ever known. I think if he’d known what a feminist was he’d probably have been one. My earliest memories of him are him peeling veg in the sink for dinner (having dug it up from his garden) and teaching me to use tools in his shed (because girls, even 3 year old ones, needed to be able to hammer a nail in straight).

i Agree it is a generational thing.
DM did laugh when I pulled her up on it and served her first, so eldest female like @Camomila said.
Mine are used to a lazy sussan so multiple people can serve themselves at once.
@WorldsOnFire mine already pull me up on gender pro nouns

This is what I've been told about Australia (I have been but on holiday so not with eg a local family). It has a reputation for chauvinism.

A good friend of mine married a (lovely) Aussie but says when she is with his family, the men sit down drinking beer and all the women wait on them hand and foot.

In our family (in Britain) we always serve the women first, starting with the oldest ones.

I recognise this in my own family too. Always feed the men first, I can remember my DGM saying you have to look after the men, it goes back to the war I think. Very much a generational thing.

Thanks gingersausage I like knowing random trivia like that! :)

The correct etiquette, for those who care about these things is:

The senior female guest, sitting to the right of the male host, gets served first. Then the other female guests in order of seniority. Then the male guests, then family.

I have a friend who told me that on Saturday mornings in her house growing up, she and her sister were expected to help clean the house from top to bottom with their mum, while their two brothers were left to watch cartoons and ‘rest’.

Ehh aye ok then. I did look at her mum in a different way after that.

weenurse, I am slso in aus, did the same, roast chicken and salads. But I was always taught FHB, family hold back, guests served first. Truly, if I was told serve the men first, I would ensure they were served last, but that is just me, ha ha ha. Nothing so outdated, because the men supposedly worked hard physically, and the women were no doubt considered to be ladies. Yea right! I thought we had seen the end of this crap.!!!

It’s funny because in my family, women are always served first ‘chivalry you know’ (just like men should open doors to women etc...). Which then can start issues about not treating women as the weakest people that needs looking after’ lol.

I think we need new rules. Maybe start with the children?

Actually, you are right, it’s always guests first too!!

This reminds me of Christmas Day when I was a child in London .My Nan would always say give the men the Turkey Legs! As I wasnt fond of said legs this suited me fine ! Cant believe this is still a thing today though!

Can I suggest that the youngest child is fed first as well?

The memories of seeing my older brothers and mother have all the breast and leg meat on their plates whilst I got a scraggy chicken wing, the sloppy skin and whatever veg was left over after they had what they wanted was quite annoying after the age of about four.

At big family get togethers at mine, it’s usually ‘help yourself’ and out of good manners, whoever is sat next to DF, who is elderly and needs help, will take his plate and ask him what he wants whilst filling his plate and whoever is sat next to small children will help them fill theirs. Then we fill our own plates.

I was brought up to help in the house and boys in the garden. DB up from me and I swapped jobs one day, so I mowed the lawns while he cleaned bathroom and toilet 😎 DM was surprised.
I was always called to help in the kitchen as well.
Did me no good as DB2 and DB3 much better cooks than me.

Wee nurse, you have made me think of all the times I was questioned by my aunt, for eg, my elder brother would come home from a physical labouring job during his uni holidays, Why did I not jump immediately to make him a cup of tea, as he walked in the house.
To be honest, he never offered to make me a cup of tea when I came home from work, but then he was a man wasn't he, so entitled I guess.

Ha Ha

My DH and I just had dinner, he joked “feed the man first”. He thinks it’s a huge joke.
He had heard me talk about my childhood, but had never experienced it first hand in such an obvious way.
I don’t think he can quite believe that it happened, even though he was there🤨