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Is my friend being a CF?

71 replies

Coffeeandco · 27/12/2019 18:05

Name change as I think the friend in question is on MN.
Will refer to her as K.

I’m a single mum working 30 hours a week, DD is 2 and I’m just about scraping by but I never have money left over for luxuries. Even things like a coffee with a friend need to be budgeted.

Anyway my Auntie met me today to give me my Xmas gift (she was in another country for Xmas day) she didn’t have a clue what to get me she said, but remembered how I’d said about wanting to meet my friends for a coffee but not really having enough money. She got me a £50 Starbucks voucher (my favourite place for coffee) so I can meet people and not have to worry about paying out of the little spare cash I have.

So tomorrow I’m meeting K at Starbucks, I spoke to her on the phone today and she said “shall we meet at Starbucks? Unless you’re too skint from Xmas?”(she knows how tight it is for me) I said well actually I’ve got a gift card from my Auntie so I’d definitely be up for that.

Just to add, K is single, has a decent job and doesn’t struggle financially.

K said “that’s nice, we can both have the expensive drinks and hot meals on that then!”

It wasn’t a joke either, I feel a bit mean and tight but that 50 quid is a nice little treat I can chip into without having to take money out of my actual bank account. It’ll last me a while and eases off the pressure when I meet people for a drink. She knows I’m pretty hard up and has no trouble buying her own drinks.

Am I being a tight friend? Is she being a CF? How do I explain that I’m intending on using the gift card for me and not both of us?

If I’m being the tight one then fair enough, just think it’s a little cheeky of her personally

OP posts:
Joopy · 27/12/2019 18:07

Don't buy her drink, unless she normally buys you one

Oldraver · 27/12/2019 18:08

She is being a cf. It's your present and not fot her to spend.

Obviously if you wantedto treat her that would be different but she is so out of order to say that.

MrsMozartMkII · 27/12/2019 18:09

Just laugh and say you thought she was seriously wanting to use your gift when she knows you're broke.

Lulualla · 27/12/2019 18:10

If you cant say it then get there a wee bit early and order your own drink. Sit down and wait for her.

Knittedfairies · 27/12/2019 18:12

Your mistake was to tell her about your Auntie's thoughtful gift! You're not tight, and she's cheeky.

QueenOfTheFae · 27/12/2019 18:13

Just laugh and say you thought she was seriously wanting to use your gift when she knows you're broke.

this - if she asks for anything, ask which of her Christmas presents she bought for you to share?

user1494055864 · 27/12/2019 18:13

Tell her what you've just put on here to explain, but if you don't feel up to that, I would just cancel. Friends don't say things like that ever!!

Coffeeandco · 27/12/2019 18:14

I like the idea of getting there early! Might use that one.

She’s not normally a CF but we do just always buy our own drinks. I’d like to treat her and perhaps I would feel more inclined to had she not said that haha. It was more the fact she just assumed that’s what was happening

OP posts:
Stayawayfromitsmouth · 27/12/2019 18:15

Yep. Cancel this time. Rearrange a few weeks later on and don't mention the gift card.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 27/12/2019 18:16

How did you reply to that?

Expressedways · 27/12/2019 18:17

“shall we meet at Starbucks? Unless you’re too skint from Xmas?”
This implies she would cancel rather than buy you a coffee if you were struggling to afford it. Her text about expensive drinks clearly isn’t a joke. Yes she’s a CF and no your not being tight because she’s made it very clear she wouldn’t do the same for you. I’d cancel get there early and buy your own coffee (extra hot so it lasts) so there is no awkwardness if she looks at you expectantly at the till. If she has the cheek to bring it up then say you forgot the gift card and then have a good think about whether you want to keep meeting up with her.

Starlight456 · 27/12/2019 18:18

Yes explain it like you have here. I have been in your position in the past.

I wouldn’t even buy myself an expensive drink . It’s a bit of freedom.

What a thoughtful Aunt btw

Claphands · 27/12/2019 18:20

She’s a CF, it’s not for her to tell you how to spend your gift card!

Coffeeandco · 27/12/2019 18:22

Yes my Auntie is awesome, she always puts a lot of thought into gifts and is an extremely generous person.

I think I’ll get there early like a few PPs have said and just not mention the card. If she does then I’ll say I forgot it.

I’m such a people pleaser and hate confrontation so I’m crap in these kinds of situations.

I just did a sort of half laugh back on the phone when she said it and she went on about something else

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 27/12/2019 18:22

I would just get there early and get yourself a large drink and wait when she gets there, she'll get her own drink. If she asks you to get it, just explain that it's a gift to enable me to afford a coffee when we meet up.

Shockers · 27/12/2019 18:22

That’s a lovely present.

I’m not sure how I’d react to that- I’d probably cancel because I’m rubbish at saying no 😬.

gamerchick · 27/12/2019 18:24

I'd use the laughing and ask her if she's serious as above ^^ seriously OP stand your ground.

Heismyopendoor · 27/12/2019 18:24

Your friend is a CF for sure.

Get there early and buy for yourself or cancel. Don’t spend your money on her!

WoollyMollyMonkey · 27/12/2019 18:31

I’m fuming for you! Definitely get your own only, if she says anything about buying hers just laugh in her face and say “Hahaha Good joke! I’m not sharing, it’s my present not yours! “

M0nstermunch · 27/12/2019 18:32

Yep definitely don't spend your money on her. It's only the same as if your aunt gave you £50 cash, you wouldn't be expected to give any away.

Elieza · 27/12/2019 18:33

Does your friend usually buy you drinks and food in there when you are skint? If so then she prob thinks you owe her. Up to you if you want to repay her kindness by using the card.

If you usually buy one round each then I’d do one round on the card as usual and she buys her round. I’d not buy food though. Too dear.

If you usually buy your own I’d buy my own this time in the card.

If she says anything about the card just say that “the card is going to really help me meet you regularly without struggling, as i really have no money and I look forward to our coffee days. If I spend it all today on food and drinks I’ll be screwed again for weeks as Christmas is dear. Please don’t think I’m being stingy, it’s just so nice to be able to afford to meet up”.

Yetanotherwinter · 27/12/2019 18:37

What a lovely Auntie. Enjoy your coffees. Your friend is cheeky. I would definitely get there early or when she’s at the till nip to the loo, telling her you’ll get your own. Although 50 quid is quite a lot to spend, it was meant for you to enjoy, not for you to buy brews for others.

Alecsis · 27/12/2019 18:38

Did you tell her how much is on the card? Just say its £5.

sayingno · 27/12/2019 18:40

I'd say it's £5 on the card too. Also, great idea to arrive early and buy your own stuff and just wait. What a thoughtless CF. Definitely not a friend.

Dawninglory · 27/12/2019 18:40

Agreed.... Get there early buy yourself a large one (on your gift card!) Then if she does ask say "oh no I forgot it, it's only for £15 anyway" 😁

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