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Is my friend being a CF?

71 replies

Coffeeandco · 27/12/2019 18:05

Name change as I think the friend in question is on MN.
Will refer to her as K.

I’m a single mum working 30 hours a week, DD is 2 and I’m just about scraping by but I never have money left over for luxuries. Even things like a coffee with a friend need to be budgeted.

Anyway my Auntie met me today to give me my Xmas gift (she was in another country for Xmas day) she didn’t have a clue what to get me she said, but remembered how I’d said about wanting to meet my friends for a coffee but not really having enough money. She got me a £50 Starbucks voucher (my favourite place for coffee) so I can meet people and not have to worry about paying out of the little spare cash I have.

So tomorrow I’m meeting K at Starbucks, I spoke to her on the phone today and she said “shall we meet at Starbucks? Unless you’re too skint from Xmas?”(she knows how tight it is for me) I said well actually I’ve got a gift card from my Auntie so I’d definitely be up for that.

Just to add, K is single, has a decent job and doesn’t struggle financially.

K said “that’s nice, we can both have the expensive drinks and hot meals on that then!”

It wasn’t a joke either, I feel a bit mean and tight but that 50 quid is a nice little treat I can chip into without having to take money out of my actual bank account. It’ll last me a while and eases off the pressure when I meet people for a drink. She knows I’m pretty hard up and has no trouble buying her own drinks.

Am I being a tight friend? Is she being a CF? How do I explain that I’m intending on using the gift card for me and not both of us?

If I’m being the tight one then fair enough, just think it’s a little cheeky of her personally

OP posts:
FruitcakeOfHate · 27/12/2019 21:20

What's sad is that you actually believe this person is a friend. She was going to dump you like a hot brick over a cup of coffee, but expects you to spend your gift treating her? And you even question if you're being tight? She's ripping the piss out of you, and you seem to be letting her.

Spacebowlisback · 27/12/2019 21:23

Just say, “Yeah it’s really kind of her. She got it me so I don’t have to pay for coffee for a few months because she knows I don’t always have the cash.” That should stop it.

DeRigueurMortis · 27/12/2019 21:29

Go for coffee and if she asks to put her purchases on your card, simply ask her which of her Xmas presents she's brought to share with you....

She's being a CF - if you'd been bought an M&S voucher for example she wouldn't be expecting you to pay for her undies if you went shopping....

This is no different.

billy1966 · 27/12/2019 21:36

Yes she is a right CF.
She certainly didn't intend to meet you and treat you with a coffee, knowing that you might be short.

Is she really a friend?
She certainly doesn't sound like it.

What a wonderful Aunt you have.
Mind yourself OP💐

Quirrelsotherface · 27/12/2019 21:37

Oh God please don't treat her. What a cheeky fucking cow. How is she as a friend the rest of the time? Of my really good mates, I can't think of one who would say something like that.

FruitcakeOfHate · 27/12/2019 21:40

The thing is, the OP will not stand up to her if she tells her to use the card because she's a 'people pleaser' and 'doesn't like confrontation' so any strategy of refusing to use the card won't work. She'll just turn it over to this bitch.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2019 21:41

No way should you share your present with a person, who’d rather not see you if you can’t afford to buy yourself a coffee.

Duck90 · 27/12/2019 21:44

You have name changed because you think she is on MN! If she does read this, I think the issue of who pays for coffee will be gone by tomorrow.

sonjadog · 27/12/2019 21:45

It sounds like a thoughtless comment meant as a joke. I would imagine she will pay for herself happily tomorrow. In any case, there is no need for you to buy her anything.

Cherrysoup · 27/12/2019 21:46

Don’t be a doormat, @Coffeeandco, your ‘friend’ is disgraceful for suggesting that, tbh, absolutely disgraceful. If you’re brave, do the ‘this enables me to meet up with friends’ option. If you’re not, get there early so you only have to buy your own. If you do option 2 and she asks for the card, then say ‘I don’t have it, forgot it, but over the next few weeks, it’ll enable me to....’ so she won’t ask again.

I hope she isn’t a cheeky fucker, as per pp, you wouldn’t share another gift, would you? It’s yours, not hers.

GirlsInGreen · 27/12/2019 21:48

Find a new friend - meaness is a horrible trait. She'd rather not see you than spend a few quid on you? Get shot!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/12/2019 22:03

Cancel and meet up with another actual friend? Obviously not on the same day (anyone remember that thread? Xmas Grin)

As an aside, have you checked out the money/budget boards on here? Doing surveys can bring a bit extra in tax free if it's less than a certain amount per financial year (£1k?)

Shockers · 27/12/2019 22:07

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter- I’ve tried that- it was time consuming and actually didn’t make me any money. Have you done it successfully?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/12/2019 22:24

Hi Shockers, they're not money spinners for me but I do them rather infrequently. I've made £10 from crowdology over about 6 weeks only do those surveys infrequently now as they tend to be long - 20 minutes. And I'm waiting for my £5 Amazon code from ipsos/i-say which I much prefer but I tend to miss their surveys (I'm assuming they're quite popular) which tend to be shorter/more fun but at least I still get the 5/10 points for trying! I've not tried the other ones populus etc which do look like they pay better but require you to commit to a project and I right now I can't do that with certainty sadly. I tend to do surveys when I wait fir my DC when the do sports classes so I'm just hanging around not doung much anyway.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/12/2019 22:26

Sorry for typos and hijacking your thread Coffeeandco Xmas Grin

ElGuardiandenoche · 28/12/2019 03:03

Check out the earn £10 a Day threads
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3775103-t-s-the-season-for-some-extra-cash-earn-10-a-day-december-part-2

And yes your friend is definitely a CF.

Coffeeandco · 28/12/2019 19:03

Thank you for all your suggestions, I got there on time and she was already on the queue. I said I wasn’t eating as not hungry and let her go first. She ordered a drink then just paid for her own. She did hesitate a bit and look at me but I avoided her gaze and looked over the menu so she had to pay herself in the end. I did use my gift card next as well.
Thanks for everyone who took the time to suggest things Smile

OP posts:
BBBear · 28/12/2019 19:19

Well done! You’re friend was a CF to expect you to use your Christmas present to fund her coffee.

Beautiful3 · 28/12/2019 19:59

Well done op.

MrsMozartMkII · 28/12/2019 21:20

Well done lass! I hope you enjoyed it and had a nice time.

Lulualla · 28/12/2019 21:27

Whose waiting for a thread to pop up titled "Is my friend a CF. She had a gift card but wouldn't let me use it".

She was really mean to assume you would pay but at least she didn't demand it in person.

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