Is my friend being a CF?

[Coffeeandco]

Name change as I think the friend in question is on MN.
Will refer to her as K.

I’m a single mum working 30 hours a week, DD is 2 and I’m just about scraping by but I never have money left over for luxuries. Even things like a coffee with a friend need to be budgeted.

Anyway my Auntie met me today to give me my Xmas gift (she was in another country for Xmas day) she didn’t have a clue what to get me she said, but remembered how I’d said about wanting to meet my friends for a coffee but not really having enough money. She got me a £50 Starbucks voucher (my favourite place for coffee) so I can meet people and not have to worry about paying out of the little spare cash I have.

So tomorrow I’m meeting K at Starbucks, I spoke to her on the phone today and she said “shall we meet at Starbucks? Unless you’re too skint from Xmas?”(she knows how tight it is for me) I said well actually I’ve got a gift card from my Auntie so I’d definitely be up for that.

Just to add, K is single, has a decent job and doesn’t struggle financially.

K said “that’s nice, we can both have the expensive drinks and hot meals on that then!”

It wasn’t a joke either, I feel a bit mean and tight but that 50 quid is a nice little treat I can chip into without having to take money out of my actual bank account. It’ll last me a while and eases off the pressure when I meet people for a drink. She knows I’m pretty hard up and has no trouble buying her own drinks.

Am I being a tight friend? Is she being a CF? How do I explain that I’m intending on using the gift card for me and not both of us?

If I’m being the tight one then fair enough, just think it’s a little cheeky of her personally

I wouldn't get there early or any other 'avoiding' action as you will constantly have this problem until the voucher is used up. You will constantly be in a state of stress whenever you''re meeting her.

I would just say it's a gift because you simply don't have the finances to pay for coffees very often and your Aunt meant it to be used over time. Your friend must be pretty thick to even suggest it to be honest. Are you sure she wasn't joking?

Oh and OP, if you don’t already have it then get the Starbucks app. You can load the balance of your gift card on to it and then every time you pay you’ll earn reward points which will equal more free drinks.
(Sorry if I’m stating the obvious!)

Definite cheeky fucker.

If you are there before her, get a drink and whatever you want straight away and sit down. I honestly can’t imagine her then asking for your gift card - or am I just naive?

If you are after her, or same time, queue for your drinks and make small talk etc away from the subject. When asked for your order (I know sometimes staff come back in the queue before you get to the till) ask for “Just a tea/hot choc/wahatever drink for me” Don’t then look to your friend or indicate any kind of invite IYSWIM.
Likewise at the till when the person either repeats back your order or whatever. Say “yes, just the ginger latte thank you”
Now if during this process your friend chips in before, you’ll know she is a CF, but tbh you know her best - is she likely to say to a till person (can’t think of precise English language at this point) “yes that’s the hot choc and the latte?”

Go in early, and get a BLANK Starbucks card. Then try to use it, claim innocence at it not working and let her pay.

Definitely do not use your Christmas present on her at all, not even a small drink!

Just tell her you want to stretch it out over as many visits as you can as it's not normally something you can afford!!!

Cancel.
Cheeky mare.

I doubt she was serious.

If you can afford to pay for your drink tomorrow I would do that (ie don't use the gift card) and tell your friend that you have forgotten it. Next time you meet her, tell her it is all used up.

Go along and pay cash, "forget" your card .

She is hopefully winding you up with the expensive drinks and hot meal comment

I wouldn’t bother saying you “forgot” I’d look her dead in the eye and say “you know my financial situation so you must know I’ve carefully budgeted how I can make this gift card last me for this year. I can’t believe you’re so selfish as to expect me to spend my present on you when you’ve never treated me.”

Or look at her like she’s grown horns and say it’s not free money - it’s my entire coffee budget for 2020. To treat myself

If your friend is on here she should know she's a twat of the highest order. Don't buy her a coffee, the cheeky fucker!

Seriously op do not buy anyone coffee except you... this is not what your aunt bought the card for! Are you going round to your friends to eat her chocolate, drink her wi e and use her Christmas smellies? Thought not!

Dont buy her a coffee.Shes probably at home looking up what she can get out of you.

If she bought you on,when you where skint i would buy one back.But the way she said it,seems like shes determined to spend it all tomorrow and give you a second thought.

I’d hope she was joking. Getting there early is a good plan.

Yeah, CF! Ask her which of her Xmas presents she is going to share with you. Are you sure she wasn't joking?

She is a CF. I would just turn up tomorrow as if she didn't say this. If she brings it up again tell her that it's your gift and only way you can afford to meet friends.

Turning up early won't help you because you're not able to stand up to her if she bamboozles you to stump up the card. She's a bullying CFer. She's not a friend, she was willing to drop you if you couldn't buy your own drink but expects you treat her to an expensive drink and a meal?!! FFS. Don't be sure a drip! Text her now. 'Unfortunately, the card isn't enough to push the boat out. We'll have to pay for our own drinks as usual. I'm sure you understand, my finances don't extend to treats. Look forward to seeing you.x' And her answer will tell you all you need to know.

Even if she was joking about the card, her initial message is a massive piss take. I could not conceive of initiating a suggestion to meet a friend for coffee and giving them an option to cancel if they can't buy their own coffee, ie they would rather not see you than buy you a coffee themselves, knowing she has more disposable income than you.

This is actually really sad, and yes she is a major CF! Its your gift and she knows you don't have much money, how could she be so mean? I agree with others, either cancel or get there early. Do not buy her a drink, she does not deserve one from you!

I read your post to DH. He's notoriously shit at understanding other people's financial situations (COD he was born lucky and doesn't spend much). Even his eyebrows raised up off his forehead!

Can you afford to not bring it when you meet abd just buy the cheapest drink? Tell her you don't have it. No more discussion needed.

Then go back alone sometime with a nice book, or your phone to scroll through Facebook or Mumsnet etc and enjoy some peace and treat yourself!

I could not conceive of initiating a suggestion to meet a friend for coffee and giving them an option to cancel if they can't buy their own coffee, ie they would rather not see you than buy you a coffee themselves, knowing she has more disposable income than you.
Me too. I would suggest going for a walk, or a coffee out of at mine, or something else and let my friend choose what option was best for her. I'd not make her disclose her financial situation and then not see her if it couldn't stretch to a specific activity, because seeing her would be the most important thing!

So if your auntie had bought you a box of chocs/pair of pjs would she expect you to bring and share them too? Of course not! Why should she expect you to share a gift?! Unless she brings some of her presents to share too