Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Daughter sharing bed with father temporarily- thoughts

100 replies

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 13:10

I broke my ankle a couple of months ago, when I first did it and was in pain and had to keep still I asked my 15 y.o DD if she minded sleeping in my king sized bed with her father and I would sleep in her bed as I was worried my leg would get hurt accidentally if I shared a bed.

We have a 2 bed house and the sofa is not comfortable at all for sleeping on.

I was in her bed for about 3 weeks (I had to have ankle operated on too, so was in pain). DD and DH had no problem sharing the bed- we have tv in our room, so Dd loved it actually!! They slept normally - no hugging or anything like that.
My mother and sister think it was inappropriate and a bit weird - my DH, DD or I don’t see a problem with it. They are very close and she is a daddy’s girl anyway.
I think suggesting it is weird could have undertones that there is something untoward going on and that is disgusting to think and in no way true - to be crystal clear no one in my family thinks my dh is a paedo and have zero reason for thinking that, they just think she is 15 and sharing a bed is odd.

Just interested to get General opinion on this.

My DH is Latin American and in his culture families are extremely close and warm and children are everything - a bit spoilt too as a way of parents showing love - so this is not weird at all for him.

Thoughts??
What if it was a mother and daughter or father and son sharing a bed - would that be weird??

OP posts:

Goatinthegarden · 27/12/2019 14:28

If you’re all happy with the arrangement, then it’s fine.

I really wouldn’t have wanted to share with either parent at 10, 15, or now.

It’s unfortunate that people do jump to conclusions, but sadly abuse does happen, often in plain sight.

Beansandcoffee · 27/12/2019 14:29

Last summer my 15 year old DS and I shared double beds when we were travelling through Italy. As long as they are comfortable with it I think it is ok. I had a full set of pyjamas on and made sure I respected his privacy,

Letthemysterybe · 27/12/2019 14:30

I think it’s ok if they are both ok with it. But I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to share a bed with my parent for THREE weeks at 15. Though I reckon my 3 and 6 year olds would think they had died and gone to heaven if they were allowed to shared my bed for that long!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

ElbasAbsentPenis · 27/12/2019 14:31

Once in my early 20s I shared a bed with a female relative and woke up from a dream about my boyfriend and realised I was groping her bum It was awful. She pretended she was asleep and we never spoke about it. Bad enough with an aunt, but Imagine if I had done that while sharing a bed with my own teenage child. Doesn’t bear thinking about. That’s why I wouldn’t go for that sort of sleeping arrangement.

Drum2018 · 27/12/2019 14:33

I have a 15 yr old dd. There is no way she would share a bed with Dh and I'd never expect her to. And just for the record @IncrediblySadToo we are a normal, loving family

XXcstatic · 27/12/2019 14:33

100% depends on whether the DD is comfortable with the arrangement. I am sure that loads of fathers and daughters of this age have shared tents that are smaller than a king-sized bed, without anyone feeling it was inappropriate. If your DD is happy, no problem.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 27/12/2019 14:34

Oh Elba that made me snort . You poor thing and poor aunt! I think that just about sums up why this arrangement is not a good idea OP.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 27/12/2019 14:36

My DD (14) wouldn't want to share a bed with her Dad, she'd prefer to sleep on a camp bed or some alternative. But if it worked for your family while you were in pain, there's not a problem.

DS (11) still likes to come in our bed sometimes, including when DH is away. Doesn't bother either of us.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 27/12/2019 14:37

I am sure that loads of fathers and daughters of this age have shared tents that are smaller than a king-sized bed

Unless they've been zipped up together in a sleeping bag, this is not the same.

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 14:37

Vanhi - that is awful about your dad, I’m so sorry.
I am so lucky that my dh is such a great dad and my daughter idolises him and vice versa. I clashed a lot with my father as a teenager but I realise now that is because we were very similar!
He passed away a few years ago and it was just awful for the whole family. It hit my dd very hard as she was very close to him too.
My dh’s father passed away when my dh was very young so I think that is why he tries to be so close to my dd and be there for her as much as possible as he grew up without a father.

OP posts:

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/12/2019 14:38

I’ve shared with my 13 year old son on holiday and similar, but I don’t know, there’s something different about an adult man and a teenage girl.. Maybe the power dynamic? But if you’re all happy with the situation, it’s really not my business. 🤷‍♀️

Baaaahhhhh · 27/12/2019 14:41

I don't think it's strange or inappropriate. As long as your DD is happy with it, then fine. FGS he is her father, not some random stranger.

I know many divorced fathers who take their daughters on holidays or weekends away, and they often share beds. I think it is a sad indictment of our warped society, that we find it unacceptable. As previous posters have noted, I think it is a very British "thing" to be outraged by this, or walking around in the nude, or topless sunbathing, or having your children run around naked on beaches......

VividImagination · 27/12/2019 14:43

I think it’s fine. I don’t have a daughter but my 13 year old son and I have often shared a bed when we are away. I can’t imagine it would ring any alarm bells.

BarbedBloom · 27/12/2019 15:09

There is no way I would have done this and I wouldn't even share a bed with my mum. I am just very private in general. I would not have appreciated my mum asking me either as I would have felt uncomfortable saying no. I think everyone is different though and in this case both seem comfortable. It may have raised concerns if mentioned at school though

LimpidPools · 27/12/2019 15:14

I think it's fine. Why shouldn't it be fine? Everybody involved was perfectly happy. Nobody present felt weird about it. Therefore fine.

No way in hell would I share a bed with my father. But then my parents have been divorced since I was young, and he and I don't get on particularly well.

I wonder if people who grew up with parents together/with dad feel differently about it - if you've just never really stopped bundling into your parents' bedroom then this would be less likely to feel weird.

I'd happily share a bed with my sisters (ish - they're annoying ) and I think brothers would probably be the same. So in the context of nice, loving family I can imagine sharing with whoever just wouldn't be a big deal at all.

Shockers · 27/12/2019 15:18

It’s only weird if you make it weird.

stayathomegardener · 27/12/2019 15:38

Wow these reply's really surprise me.

Dd 20 recently took DH on a week long road trip to Ireland camping in her roof tent as a module for her photography degree.

Uni seemed to think it had a great narrative... I do hope no one faints at her degree show images 🙄

ballsdeep · 27/12/2019 15:55

DH has already kicked me once in his sleep so not happy

Maybe it was his erection

SimplySteveRedux · 27/12/2019 16:34

Would make me extremely uncomfortable, not appropriate for me.

KatherineJaneway · 27/12/2019 16:43

It's not appropriate

SimplySteveRedux · 27/12/2019 16:45

Movingdilemma - unlikely. There was a pillow between them too, as my daughter likes to sleep with a pillow

It's extremely common for men to develop erections whilst sleeping. The last research I read some years ago showed 3-4 to be the normal range, they are usually erections that pop up and back within a few seconds. A man can also ejaculate when sleeping - erection or not.

Shockers · 27/12/2019 16:49

Unless the DD is watching the front of her dad’s pyjamas, she’s unlikely to notice the involuntary movement of his penis. I’m assuming that it would be nestled deep within the duvet.

PlasticPatty · 27/12/2019 16:50

Not in this country in this era, no. But in past times and in other countries, they live and sleep in one room. How do you think large families in slums and war zones live

Grandma here, sucking eggs is my speciality.
In those past times you are so fond of, and in other countries, slums and war zones, abuse was and is rife, as it is here in the UK, though still swept under the carpet. Where you can - and this family can - avoid putting your children at risk.

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 17:10

PlasticPatty I have been with my dh for 25 years, I don’t think my dh is suddenly going to become a paedophile.

OP posts:

YearofMisAdventure · 27/12/2019 17:12

I think separate is best at that age irrespective of culture.

I shared a bed with my Dad once, not sure what the reason was but sure there was one.

I think I woke up to him wanking in his sleep facing the other way. One of those memories you just like to block out. Nothing untoward to me but I have always wondered what the shaking was. I can only assume that's what it was. Either that or he really needed a wee.

I am a normal adjusted person and have a great relationship with my Dad.

Flip

1 2 3 4