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Original poster

Daughter sharing bed with father temporarily- thoughts

100 replies

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 13:10

I broke my ankle a couple of months ago, when I first did it and was in pain and had to keep still I asked my 15 y.o DD if she minded sleeping in my king sized bed with her father and I would sleep in her bed as I was worried my leg would get hurt accidentally if I shared a bed.

We have a 2 bed house and the sofa is not comfortable at all for sleeping on.

I was in her bed for about 3 weeks (I had to have ankle operated on too, so was in pain). DD and DH had no problem sharing the bed- we have tv in our room, so Dd loved it actually!! They slept normally - no hugging or anything like that.
My mother and sister think it was inappropriate and a bit weird - my DH, DD or I don’t see a problem with it. They are very close and she is a daddy’s girl anyway.
I think suggesting it is weird could have undertones that there is something untoward going on and that is disgusting to think and in no way true - to be crystal clear no one in my family thinks my dh is a paedo and have zero reason for thinking that, they just think she is 15 and sharing a bed is odd.

Just interested to get General opinion on this.

My DH is Latin American and in his culture families are extremely close and warm and children are everything - a bit spoilt too as a way of parents showing love - so this is not weird at all for him.

Thoughts??
What if it was a mother and daughter or father and son sharing a bed - would that be weird??

OP posts:

formerbabe · 27/12/2019 13:58

How do you think large families in slums and war zones live?

The op doesn't live in a slum or war zone. Poor people in desperate situations do all sorts of things to survive and live/exist in all manner of ways that you wouldn't if you had the choice not to.

Waterandlemonjuice · 27/12/2019 13:58

My dd would have been uncomfortable with this at 15 yo, as would my dh. It’s not appropriate really and I wouldn’t even have suggested it.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 27/12/2019 13:58

How do you think large families in slums and war zones live?

Yes we should definitely draw parallels between high conflict and fearful environments where bed sharing is a necessity, and a peaceful family home in the UK with big beds and TVs. Makes perfect sense

Interested in this thread?

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Families

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 13:59

UtuNorantiPralatongsThirdEye We have a blow up bed for the living room, but it’s not very comfortable and my husband wakes up at 5am to go to work and doesn't get home until about 9pm so he needs a good night’s sleep.

OP posts:

Spied · 27/12/2019 14:02

I'd have hated it. It would have felt very strange.
If your DD and her father are happy then I don't really see a problem. However you have your doubts or you wouldn't be posting this so it's not all rosy is it.

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 14:03

formerbabe I had completely broken my ankle and had to have it pinned so it was bloody painful. There wasn’t really any other solution. I was dazed enough as it was after the shock of the break and op that this was the fastest and best solution.

OP posts:

koshkat · 27/12/2019 14:05

As a 15 year old I would have HATED this. As a 5 year old not so much.

Christmaspug · 27/12/2019 14:05

Not anything I would of suggested,..actually I think you are putting your husband in a difficult situation,as in it looks bad to schools and social services, you should of took the couch or got a put me up bed .
Not appropriate at all

raspberryk · 27/12/2019 14:05

As someone who broke their ankle recently and slept in my kingsize bed with my dp and puppy, I don't really understand why you vacated your huge bed and your daughter had to sleep with her df so you could sleep in hers. Just seems a bit strange and unnecessary.

MotherOfAllChristmases · 27/12/2019 14:05

I don't understand why you are even posting this. Its fine.

koshkat · 27/12/2019 14:06

And it makes me a little uncomfortable just thinking about it really. I would not have suggested it.

MotherOfAllChristmases · 27/12/2019 14:07

Who suggested it was odd OP?

koshkat · 27/12/2019 14:07

I am also a teacher and if a 15 year old girl happened to let me know that she was sharing a bed with her father I would be very concerned indeed. Sorry OP but it would be raising red flags all over the place.

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 14:07

PlasticPatty - she wasn’t forced, she was happy to do it. She got changed in her bedroom and literally got in bed, slept, woke up - my husband is up at 5am so she had the bed to herself for a couple of hour in the morning.

OP posts:

alwaysmovingforwards · 27/12/2019 14:08

OP, there's no point asking for opinion, the camp will be very split on this one.

TiffanyTrot · 27/12/2019 14:08

I don't see an issue I don't think. My 13 year old DS comes in with me all the time for a cuddle and if my DH is away he asks to sleep on my bed. I only say no because he fidgets!

However I'd just crack on in your position and wouldn't have posted on here. Just have some faith in your parenting choices eh?

TheReluctantCountess · 27/12/2019 14:08

If he has to get up at 5am, that’s even more reason for your daughter not to share.

Smilebehappy123 · 27/12/2019 14:09

I think this is very strange to be honest would r happen with my daughter I would of slept on sofa or asked your daughter if she wouldnt mid a blow up bed for a few weeks in the lounge and you take her bed , I cant imagine at 15 wanting to sleep in bed with my dad

fairynick · 27/12/2019 14:12

I think a lot of people would find it weird, but it isn’t their place to say anything. As long as everyone’s comfortable then there’s obviously no harm done!

Drabarni · 27/12/2019 14:12

Nothing wrong with it at all, my 15 year old has occasionally slept in a double with dh. Sometimes it's safer than own room in some places.
You can always separate the bed down the middle and have 2 single duvets if you want.

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 14:16

Spied I 100% promise I have doubts at all. I was surprised other people do. I know I wouldn’t have shared a bed at that age with anyone- not my father, mother, sister or brother as I hated it, but my best friend quite often slept with her mum out of choice until she was about 20 - single mum so I think it was for company - not really sure.
This was for a few weeks and daughter more than happy as she knew she would get to watch TV in bed!!

I often ask questions about these sorts of issues as I am interested in travel, culture, society, family and just pure curiosity made me post. In my husbands Colombian family this would not be frowned upon at all as they are such a close family and the culture is like that. They are far from living in poverty, but just a close family.

OP posts:

IncrediblySadToo · 27/12/2019 14:21

It’s not a problem for anyone who comes from a normal, loving, family.

I’m in my 40’s and sadly lost my Dad a few years ago, but if he was still here I’d happily share a bed with him if the situation called for it.

My friends teens are always climbing in their bed, irrespective of which parent is in it.

Another friends 14 yo shares with her frequently because she travels a lot so she feels closer sleeping together when she’s home id feel nice differently if it was her Dad she missed.

MN is NOT representative of the ‘general public’. Just carry on with your life as YOU see fit

Original poster

Anon7728 · 27/12/2019 14:23

Thanks for all the replies. Interesting points of views and fascinating to see how the UK is. I was born and brought up here but never really understood a lot of the culture.
I think in Spain or Colombia this would have not even been viewed as strange, just a means to an end. Family is everything in those cultures and there is more warmth and closeness between relatives then here (I am generalising of course). My foreign friends here, or those with foreign born parents always joke that I was born in the wrong country and that I am more Mediterranean or Latina than British

Had the pins out of my ankle recently so just trying to get back to normal. DH has already kicked me once in his sleep so not happy, I have put pillows between us so he doesn’t do it again!!!

Have a great day, happy holidays all!

OP posts:

Vanhi · 27/12/2019 14:24

I would have hated it, especially once I was a teenager. However, my dad did make inappropriate sexual comments about my body so I was hardly likely to want to share a bed with him.

I don't know OP. It feels off to me but that's probably my personal experience. You'll get a mix of responses due to cultural and personal differences.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 27/12/2019 14:26

It’s not a problem for anyone who comes from a normal, loving, family

So anyone who doesn't feel comfortable with this is not from a "normal, loving family"?

Nonsense.

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