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Original poster

Anyone else alone on Xmas eve?

70 replies

Walkingwounded · 24/12/2019 16:57

Left an abusive relationship this year (coercive control). Family home goes with STBX’s job, so I was the one who had to leave.

Has half killed me but somehow bought house; moved into house in Sept this year: tried to make it as much as I can of a home for the kids. Have a support worker from Women,s Aid. Have come a long way.

But. Stupidly, I felt it was better for DCs to spend Xmas eve in the former ‘family home’ doing the usual routine (reading at church etc). So offered it to STBX, who has just collected them.

Kids have just gone off happy & excited. STBX usual cold & dismissive self on the doorstep. Saw my family today who are completely self absorbed. All friends busy with their own families.

Just feeling a bit shit really. Lonely. Sincerely hope no-one else is feeling this way but if so, you are not alone....

OP posts:
BMW6 · 24/12/2019 17:00

I am not alone, but just wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas, and that next year will bring you happiness Flowers

Evilspiritgin · 24/12/2019 17:04

Just look after yourself tonight, nice bath wine and chocolate and be very proud of yourself that you’ve left him

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/12/2019 17:04

I am, I'm ok with being on my own, but my anxiety is being a bitch which I could do without.
Friends around on FB so chatting to them on watching crap on TV.

Hope you get through it, do you have your favourite foods, or a comfort film?

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Events & celebrations
Palavah · 24/12/2019 17:05

Can you light a nice candle, have a lovely bath and then eat something nice, enjoy your peace and congratulate yourself on how far you have come since last year?

I can understand how scary it must feel to be by yourself when you've had such a hectic few months. But you don't need to be afraid of a few hours of solitude.

X

yummytummy · 24/12/2019 17:06

i am. i hate it am really badly struggling. can't focus on tv or reading. just wish i had even one family member who gave a damn. friends all busy with own families. can't take it any more

workshyfop · 24/12/2019 17:07

Hang on in there. You’ve done a brave thing and are a strong person. Next year will be different Flowers

user1019273703 · 24/12/2019 17:09

Yes. Ive not seen my little girl since saturday and not getting her until boxing day morning. Im home from work and feel lost, its awful.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 24/12/2019 17:11

Me but I don't have kids so I am not missing them if that makes sense. I've read nearly a whole book today, been for a swim, walked to the supermarket to but some dinner and now about to watch a film. I don't really feel like it's Xmas eve, tbh.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 24/12/2019 17:12

I'm alone as children are with their dad for the first time in six years since he moved out.

Trying to wrap presents but cats are being idiots. 🙄

Going to watch elf again in a minute.

Myyearmytime · 24/12/2019 17:13

You 1st Christmas alone will not be nice .
But you can do anything you want for next few days .
And once you have done it nothing your ex does will ever you hurt again.
And you will proud that you survive d
Next year you make your traditions.

Take care of your self .

What I do is watch very violent movies as a big cry I can bare to Christmas stuff . I do record the odd show I want to watch and watch then when I want .
I would get Netflix or prime or now if you have not sky .
Good luck
And keep posting
There e are lot of people alone that will be able to chat .
Myself included.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 24/12/2019 17:13

DDs at her dad's too although he wasn't abusive like yours. I make the most of it and just shift christmas to later in the week and feel like I have the best of both worlds. I've wrapped the last of the presents today, I watch some more grown up movies not suitable for Dd, enjoy some nice food without having to share, settle down and read a book.

The first year was a bit rubbish and I found it daunting spending the day without Dd but I just used it to recharge, and actually as a single parent you need that.

Enjoy your rest, Dd likes having 2 Christmases and it's a chance to make new traditions in your own home when they get back.

testing987654321 · 24/12/2019 17:14

I am alone until lunchtime tomorrow, I actually prefer having the whole day alone but it does take a bit of getting used to.

Have you got something nice planned for you and the kids at some point? Mine happily do Christmas Day several times.

thesunwillout · 24/12/2019 17:18

Hiya, I'll be alone when DD goes to bed, have been for yrs.
I know it's not the same, and do hope you find comfort knowing there's lots of us here to talk to on your thread.
It's hard but good that your children have gone off happily.
That's what us mums do, we want the best for them.
Will you see anyone tomorrow? X

Original poster
Walkingwounded · 24/12/2019 17:20

Thankyou all. Sitting here in floods.

Strangers on the internet are kinder than either STBX or, sorry to say, my family are. Can’t tell you how much it helps.

For yummytummy and user 101, I’m with you. It’s a pain like no other, isn’t it?

For those who have sent thoughts and encouragement, thankyou more than I can say. I can’t see out the other side of this at the moment, but I hope to get there.

OP posts:
HL123 · 24/12/2019 17:20

@Walkingwounded well done for moving forward after being in an abusive relationship, I know how difficult that is.

I have been alone all day today. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and the father doesn't want to know. Feeling very down so don't want to bring anyone else down at this time of year.
I hope you're able to have an enjoyable evening, maybe with some nice food and watching a film. I find reading a book a good distraction too.
Happy Christmas Thanks

Changedmename1234 · 24/12/2019 17:27

I’m on my own. My abusuve ex collected the dcs from school on Friday and I won’t get them back until Sunday. Everyone has their own family stuff going. My kids will spend xmas with him and the bitch he had an affair with - I’m very bitter really.
Though I wouldn’t want him back.
Just finished work and I’m killing some hours in Asda now. Then bath, new book, non xmas related food and violent film I think. It will pass. This time tomorrow it’ll all be over

testing987654321 · 24/12/2019 17:28

From the sound of it you are only a few months into the separation, it will take time to settle into feeling normal. My relationship wasn't abusive but was very dysfunctional and I was very anxious when I left. A few years later I am getting loads calmer.

Do expect ups and downs, ultimately things will get better but it won't be without setbacks (like feeling miserable today).

Do try to enjoy yourself a bit this evening, music or film and a bit of chat on here?

Original poster
Walkingwounded · 24/12/2019 17:28

Thankyou HL123. I hope you have a bearable evening too.

OP posts:
user1019273703 · 24/12/2019 17:31

It is OP. Its my first xmas day without her. I guess the first will always be the worst. Take care of yourself xx

CadburyFlake · 24/12/2019 17:32

Yes me too. Similar story though a lot more time has passed. Like others I'm shifting Christmas by 24hrs. Feels a bit weird but I'm watching Bad Moms and eating home made hot sausage rolls.

I will send one over to you OP

You are doing an awesome job if you've navigated the last few months and your kids are happy to go off with him. That speaks volume about what a great mum you are.

.

GeorgeTheFirst · 24/12/2019 17:32

You and yours on radio 4 this lunchtime was about this - first Christmas as a single parent. You might find it interesting, I did.

EarlyBird123 · 24/12/2019 17:33

I am. Partner in the forces and got called in. All my family back home abroad. I have a bottle of wine though.
Let’s stay strong, we can make it :)

DavetheCat2001 · 24/12/2019 17:36

Love to all who are alone and unhappy.

I have lost it with both my kids and OH this evening as all pissing me off..kids utterly ungrateful and destructive and OH as much help as a fart in a gale..

Feeling guilty as want it to be like Christmases I remember as a kid..

Missing my dad too as I always do at Christmas...probably hormonal too. Just going to dig into the red wine..cheers all.

tinselvestsparklepants · 24/12/2019 17:37

You've done an incredible thing for you and your children and should be very proud of yourself. This year might not be fun but you can build from here. What about thinking if s new tradition, just for you? My first Christmas alone I started my Christmas breakfast tradition (Prosecco, coffee, an orange and a cinnamon bun) and 12 years later in much happier circumstances it's my favourite part of the day. Wishing you a strong Christmas and a happy new year.

beachcomber70 · 24/12/2019 17:38

On my own here but used to it so will sit in front of the log burner, with a drink and some nibbles and watch a bit of tv in peace. Saw my son and his family today which was lovely.

OP the first year will be strange for you and it sounds like you have come a long way so time for you to relax and pamper yourself this Christmas. You deserve it, and it will get better. Be proud of yourself.

It often appears others are ok when they maybe not, people are busy with family but the tension may be awful in some/many cases. I hope your evening is pleasant enough and have a happy Christmas day tomorrow with your children.

HL123 I am sorry you are feeling down. I hope things pick up for you and you find support from friends/family in the days to come. Look after yourself. I hope you have a good Christmas. Think about the next one when you won't be alone but have a beautiful baby to share it with!

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