Anyone else alone on Xmas eve?

[Walkingwounded]

Left an abusive relationship this year (coercive control). Family home goes with STBX’s job, so I was the one who had to leave.

Has half killed me but somehow bought house; moved into house in Sept this year: tried to make it as much as I can of a home for the kids. Have a support worker from Women,s Aid. Have come a long way.

But. Stupidly, I felt it was better for DCs to spend Xmas eve in the former ‘family home’ doing the usual routine (reading at church etc). So offered it to STBX, who has just collected them.

Kids have just gone off happy & excited. STBX usual cold & dismissive self on the doorstep. Saw my family today who are completely self absorbed. All friends busy with their own families.

Just feeling a bit shit really. Lonely. Sincerely hope no-one else is feeling this way but if so, you are not alone....

Thank you so much all. Georgethrfirst. Listening to You & Yours now.

Hi OP,

Try to think of it differently: You deserve to have some time to yourself to really relax. I know Christmas is traditionally for family but you can make it a sort of mini retreat for yourself. Have a long bath, do some online yoga, spend time doing some beauty treatments - facial sauna or mask, hair, nails etc - anything you don't normally get time to do with DC around.

Write a journal giving yourself fair praise for all the brave things you have achived this year. Then make a bucket list of things you want to do with your Dc and for yourself next year. Watch things you can't watch when DC are around. Play music only you like. When you wake up tomorrow, remind yourself that this is a brave new adventurous stage of your life and that is something really worth celebrating.

Can I join? Have kids but can't get in the spirit, feel an awful parent and like crying.

@beachcomber70 Thankyou so much. I hope you have a lovely Christmas x

You are doing an awesome job if you've navigated the last few months and your kids are happy to go off with him. That speaks volume about what a great mum you are.

I second this. You’ve a lot to be proud of, OP.

I’m not alone so I won’t pretend to really understand, but I can hear how much you're struggling. and there will be a time when you look back and realise you got through.

Merry Christmas!
This year spending the 14th out of the last 16 alone. Widowed just before Christmas 2003, no children.
Currently enjoying Carols from King's, although it is a bit joyless in its interpretation this year.
Also first Christmas without either of my parents this year.
BUT it is fine, because I decided this is what I want. I could have gone to family or gone away or just stayed somewhere, had I wanted to. I didn't. I like being at my house and pottering around with the odd carol or bit of Bach thrown in as well as the odd glass of something.
Well done to you in facilitating a "normal" Christmas for your children.

Milliefiori I will try, a bit later in the evening. It’s just hard to find the will atm.

Bangheadhere40 I am so sorry you feel awful. The kids are with you, which is what they want the most. Welcome to join the pity party 😢

DarkingNikita & others, thankyou

We will get there, OP.
I'm completely alone. The only way to get through is to just block it out. It hurts too much otherwise.
I could do with a big cry but I think my MH medication has blocked it.
This too will pass.

I’m not alone, but feel alone :(

Much love OP x

I'm on my own till Friday- and it's my birthday as well.

Totally alone and totally miserable.

DH is away and I miss him

Thank you for letting me join the pity party. I would rather they were at their dads as I feel I'm no fun and making it worse for them. Just want to cry, hard trying to hold it altogether

Exact same situation OP. I'm in the bath with wine. Just going to make like it was any other night. I'm so glad you have women's aid too. Cheers to all the survivors and support workers too

@ walking, so sorry you as sad too...you aren't alone x

I am. No kids or partner here. Friends all with their families. I struggle with my family at the best of times but Christmas is hard.

Admittedly I cut my nose off to spite my face and I'm trying not to this year but I feel like such an outsider around them. Trying to snap out of this and go to my parents house and try and enjoy the day tomorrow.

Currently watching Elf with some pink fizz, candles on and debating which pizza to order.

Thoughts to all the mums out there with kids away at arsehole exes.

Taking so much comfort from this thread. Thankyou all.

And sending all love & thoughts to those in the same boat. You are not alone.

Onwards and upwards for 2020

I am too. However, I am going to the movies. On my own. I’ll check in on all of you when I get back, save me some pringles!

I'm going to wait until the kids in bed and cry

On FB just now one of my "friends" said it is the hardest for mums without their kids. How would she know? For my health and that of any kids I realised it was best not to share my genes. I'll never have my own family like she can. It hurts at Christmas time in an acute way. I'm venting here rather than saying something to her as there's no point.

Of course I know others can also be in painful situations including dads. My thoughts are with everyone in pain.

Not alone but to the OP and all those of you who are sending you best wishes. Stay strong and be good to yourself. You deserve it.

I’m kind of on my own....
I have flu and have been in bed since yesterday afternoon. Ache all over, burning up, coughing constantly and generally feel horrendous. OH and kids downstairs watching films and scoffing their faces. Not one of them has bothered coming up to see me/offer me a drink since 8am.

So frankly they can shove it up their arse. I hope they enjoy their day tomorrow coz I’m staying in bed.

I'm on my own. No partner, FS gone to his mums for Xmas. I was ok til I read this thread and now I've come to bed to watch tv and wallow in my own misery 😂. I'm ok really. I'm sure I could have found somewhere to go had I been assed - but I can't be assed.

@Walkingwounded you have come a very long way in such a short space of time (in relative terms).
No words of advice, just wanted to say you should hold your head high.
To those struggling, alone or not, hang on in there.
Christmas is a huge money making scheme. All this advertisement whipping people up into this frenzy of buying stuff, doing stuff, being together etc... It has the potential to make people feel isolated. In 2 days it will be over and the world will resume its semi normal state of affairs.

Definitely not alone OP. I'm sad I'm alone but I'm so fucking proud once I look past the surface shit that's making me wallow presently. I hope you are so so proud of you too.it takes an incredible amount of mental strength and courage to fight your way out of a coercive relationship. 2020 as a decade is going to bring us all such amazing opportunities

First Christmas Eve evening on my own
DS1 is out with friends at pub. DS2 is at soon to be ex H. I've been with the boys all day, cooking, shopping, cleaning out the car, walking the dog, delivering presents...totally knackered and curled up with gin, the dog and Netflix. V v happy, strangely. I guess life changes and sometimes it's ok.