Festive family put downs

[BoyfriendCoatBigScarf]

My wee granny is 99. We all went up to see her today.

My six foot four, built like a brick shit house brother has recently grown a beard. He walked in, she smacked me on the arm and said happily 'The two of you have always been so alike!'

The DC were sitting in a row like this

Hopefully Santa will bring you an epilator op!!

The Xmas before my wedding to (of almost 25 years) DH DMILtb gave me a set of bathroom scales and a gym bag . We ended having a fantastic relationship so I did get to remind her.

When to visit very elderly relative, sat on edge of their bed to which he said ‘just as well you’re not a fatty sitting on my bed like that’ not sure if that’s a compliment or not

My brother turned up on his 40th with a (very realistic) fake tattoo.
My Mum launched into a 20 minute rant about how tattoos were awful and that the sort of people who have them are basically vile, or words to that effect - a much less PC version!

My brother finally fessed up that his was fake and she managed to pull herself back from the brink of a full-on conniption fit. A couple of minutes later I couldn't stop myself from mentioning that my husband, who was sitting next to her, has a tattoo.

The back pedalling was hilarious

When I got my first tattoo now exh told me he hoped it was fake as he wasn't sleeping with a tattooed woman.
Brucey bonus imo!!

My Dad. ‘Ah, you’ve put on a bit of meat, it suits you’.

Last year. While I was mid IVF and bloated as hell.

Me wearing my best clothes and feeling quite slim.
" How do these look?"
"No, no you're not fat at all.....you're a bit chubby"