Will I be the only one 'smiling and nodding' to in-laws

[nrpmum]

We see in-laws too frequently. Mainly because it's the only time they get to see their grandson (my step son) as dh ex doesn't like mil.

This year in-laws are coming to us Christmas Day. I'm cooking hiding in the kitchen

Anyway. I always get the comments of 'bet you'll be glad when dss has gone home'. You look fed up nrpmum, did stepson have you up early?. Must be annoying having stepson so much (eow). Mr nrpmum should cut down his weekends so you two can get time together, add infinitum.

Now I thoroughly enjoy having my stepson. He's an absolute joy. Yes you have to sometimes explain what we are going to do, and when we are going to do it because he is 7 and autistic but he genuinely is an amazing kid and it is very rare for him to behave otherwise.

So this Christmas Day I will be smiling like a Cheshire cat and nodding.

Anyone else, and for what reasons?

I can see why DH ex doesn't like MIL.

Currently what i am doing now smiling and nodding

Excellent post @Trewser . You sound lovely. I dislike reading posts that are so nasty towards older people. Some posters on MN are super critical of others. It makes you wonder what other people think of them

I dislike reading posts that are so nasty towards older people.

I think you’ll find that being ‘older’ is not necessarily synonymous with ‘being a twat’. Some people are and some aren’t. This person clearly is.

*the OP’s MIL clearly is, in case that wasn’t obvious!

I really, truly don't see what it's got to do with being older. What does age have to do with it?

I dislike reading posts that are so nasty towards older people

Op saying she'll smile and nod is "being nasty"? Weird.

Op, I'll be doing the same. My delightful MIL will wait until there is no one else in the room (ie witnesses) before saying deliberately snide and cruel things. I once caught her telling my daughter "you've got a really large head...It's look too big for your body...", my daughter was only 3 and luckily didn't really understand the jibe, but why? Why be so horrid? She's also, to my nieces face (and when the mother wasn't there), and when she didn't realise I was in the room, told her "you have SUCH HUGE feet for a girl..They're big, like a man's feet". Niece was only 6 and unfortunately did understand and developed a real awareness about her feet (which were completely normal). MIL is utter poison, and I'll be avoiding her and making sure the kids aren't alone with her as much as is humanely possible.

I think I'd stop the smiling and nodding, it's clearly not having a positive effect, so why bother.

I think a completely level tone, hard eye contact, and 'why wouldn't we want to have dss here?' or whatever statement she's just made put back to her as a serious question.

Make her justify it. The aim is make her more uncomfortable than you are. After all, it's not you that's behaving badly. At the minute she gets a free pass because you smooth it over.

'Should say two years of me shutting her down, and she still continues with the same shit.'

That would be my response, as you wrote it. Word for word. You've had this for two years, no more.

If you challenge her every time, what are you smiling and nodding at

I dislike reading posts that are so nasty towards older people.

@mrsmuddlepies I'm unsure why the grandparents age is relevant here (although we don't know how old she is), can you explain? Do you believe that, if she is an older grandparent, it makes it acceptable to be unkind about a child? I love my MIL to bits, but I daresay I would have a different opinion of she insisted on making little digs about my DSS.

I find it odd when people bring age into an issue like this.

And saying 'fuck of you old trout' isn't ageist? Some posts on this thread are not kind or generous.

@mrsmuddlepies I agree, that's not necessary or kind at all. Are you able to answer my queries to you above?

mrsmuddles - I am a grandmother, I am and can be a old trout when I wish to be, I see that as a priviledge of age, My mother who is a greatgrandmother would also agree that she can be a fucking old trout when pissed off - I also can swear pretty much on my life that the OPS old trout of a mil would be having her turkey served over her head if she spoke about my child like that, step child or not!

and btw, I see nothing kind or generous about the comments made by a grandmother about her grandchild, this is a case of reaping what you sow, behave like an old trout, expect to called one.

Hand up in a stop sign ✋🏼

“No, stop. I will not listen to you insinuate that DSS is a burden to me any more because he isn’t.”

Don’t smile FFS, this is why she hasn’t listened to you for the past two years!

wow! my first deletion!

happy christmas to all, the old and the young!

I guess what I dont understand about the comments made by the OPS mil are that she (mil) dosen't seem happy that her dgs has another adult in his life that loves and cares for him, A step mother who likes spending time with a child.

What we do know is that this MIL doesn’t see her grandchild very often so probably hasn’t been allowed to bond or form a meaningful relationship.

The OP says that they see them 'too frequently'. I took that as meaning that she sees her grandson a lot, although I may have misread that. 52 times over the last two years would be every fortnight, which is more often than many.

Yes with FIL and Step MIL. Utter knobs. DH is very LC with them despite living only 1 mile away. His father was and still is an appalling parent.
We are hosting Boxing Day with my family plus FIL and step MIL for first time. That way I can avoid talking to them much and my lovely, warm and generous lot will show them what idiots they are!
We have a 14 week old baby, first grandchild on both sides. FIL didn’t even bother with a card and has visited twice for under an hour, my family live 1.5hrs away and visit 2-3 times a month and are always buying things they see for her (not that we expect things but it demonstrates they think about her). The contrast is stark. FIL won’t hold, touch or look at her - my DDad rocked her to sleep last visit and changed nappy.

At least I’m off the booze so less likely to get the rage!

As some other posters have said, we don't know the real story behind this but bringing someone's age into a post and using it as a term of abuse is wrong and breaks talk guidelines.

My MIL is hard work. Constant negativity, personal questions and narrow minded views. We are going boxing day, I'm planning on drinking heavily.

l will be smiling and nodding at MIL, although looking the other way. Lovely as she is, she never ever stops talking, including through meals and I really really struggle with people who talk with their mouths full. It gives me the creeps. It's horrible, I don't want to see nor hear half chewed food. Even 17 month old DS manages to keep his mouth closed!