Sister in law birthday trip 😔😔

[11oracg]

In January I have a birthday trip to my sister in law 40th. Which is a 4 hour train journey away. We have a turbulent relationship, she is disrespectful to my mum, she keeps her children away from seeing my mum who has only ever been a loving grandmother.

I feel so torn about going as she has caused so much trouble in our family and let’s her mouth run away with her.
Another reason I don’t want to go is that I have a 10 yr old and 7 yr old and I run my own business in which I would lose takings in the time we will be away. My husbands work is so busy in January that I feel bad leaving him for 2 days, although my mum would help with childcare his mum has also just had a mild stroke, so are under pressure in our family life.. our lives in general are so busy.
If I refuse to go giving the above reasons I feel she will not understand, and be made out to be the bad sister in law
Please help I am being unreasonable

If you dont want to go then don't

I don't know why you're considering going, based on everything you've written. Does your brother stop the children from seeing your mum? They're his aren't they?

She will be offended and don’t want to cause another riff in the family.

Where's your brother in all of this?

Honestly I could write a book about the horrible things she has said/done, behind our backs. But when you confront her about it she denies it. My brother works so much that he doesn’t but in the odd occasion he does. I feel a mother should encourage the children to go see the grandmother as you know what teenagers are like, but she doesn’t

Could you turn it into a mini holiday- so it's not just about her birthday.
That would take the pressure off a bit.

Can't see, or, think of one good reason to go.
Plenty of reasons not to go - top of my list would be her disrespecting your mum + keeping her children away from your mum.

Can your mum not go to see them?

Yeah she could and has but I believe in respecting your elders and it would be nice it they go to see her. That aside she is just rotten to the core.

Would love a mini holiday but my husband can’t take time off

You don't like her. Don't go. The end!

What age are the kids? If they are teenagers they may not want to be forced into travelling 4 hours to visit. There must be a back story to all this

Her teenage kids don't visit your mum, and she doesn't visit them?

They live 5mins away

My mum is always offering them to come round

What exactly makes her rotten to the core? Do you have examples? Your brother obviously doesn't make an effort either so why is it her fault?

There’s two sides to every story.

But also, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.

So where do you all live as now I'm confused as to who lives where?

The back story is that it’s all about my sil side of the family and our side (brother side) mean nothing to them, even though we have babysat when she needed it and any other help

Can I ask (not trying to provoke) have you got first hand experience of her deliberately slagging off your mum without reason and do you have your own kids? I'm asking only cos I think a lot of women get quite insular when they have their own kids, rightly or wrongly, and unless SIL has said she dsnt want your mum around kids cos of stupid reason or your mother says sil dsnt want me round kids for stupid reason then you might not know the whole story? I could be wrong and get why you'd be team mum regardless. Just wanted to say it's not always that easy/straightforward in my experience

How can they live 5 minutes from your mum but 4 hours away from you but your mum could help your DH with childcare? Would she travel to yours?

My brother has a very full on job self employed... and goes to see my mum twice a week on his night off, he should take them kids.. but I feel the kids have been brainwashed

The destination of the birthday trip is 4 hours away. Sorry confusing

That's not a back story as there's not enough info. Maybe you just don't like her

Oh I see.

Just make up an excuse if you don’t want to go.