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Original poster

Sister in law birthday trip 😔😔

62 replies

11oracg · 22/12/2019 19:18

In January I have a birthday trip to my sister in law 40th. Which is a 4 hour train journey away. We have a turbulent relationship, she is disrespectful to my mum, she keeps her children away from seeing my mum who has only ever been a loving grandmother.

I feel so torn about going as she has caused so much trouble in our family and let’s her mouth run away with her.
Another reason I don’t want to go is that I have a 10 yr old and 7 yr old and I run my own business in which I would lose takings in the time we will be away. My husbands work is so busy in January that I feel bad leaving him for 2 days, although my mum would help with childcare his mum has also just had a mild stroke, so are under pressure in our family life.. our lives in general are so busy.
If I refuse to go giving the above reasons I feel she will not understand, and be made out to be the bad sister in law
Please help I am being unreasonable

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 22/12/2019 20:51

I see my mum once a week so I can take heavy shopping items over as she doesnt drive now. My kids haven't seen her for a few weeks though

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2019 20:57

I feel a mother should encourage the children to go see the grandmother as you know what teenagers are like, but she doesn’t

What about a father or doesn't he have to do anything because he has a penis?

If you don't want to go then that's fine. Just say no. 16 and 14 year olds are old enough to see their nan if they want and I'm sure their dad can support them in that. Not everything has to be down to mum.

Nancydrawn · 22/12/2019 21:02

You are not being unreasonable to not want to go.

You are being unreasonable to expect your sister-in-law to facilitate all the social interaction in her family. Your brother is perfectly capable of taking them to visit his mother and should be the person in charge of it. That they are not in better touch is his fault, not hers.

She may, separately from that, be awful.

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MindyStClaire · 22/12/2019 21:15

I think if my husband had a busy job that kept him out of the house for long hours but still found time to visit his mother twice a week, that wouldn't make me see the in-laws in the best light.

Skittlesandbeer · 22/12/2019 21:18

I’d tell her that work has come up that you can’t knock back for financial reasons. Cry poor a bit. You’re obviously looking for a way out of a commitment you made, this is the one less likely to cause a rift.

And next time don’t agree to things with people you dislike. You aren’t ‘holding the family together’ or splitting it apart. Be responsible for your relationships and more assertive in your boundaries.

Josette77 · 22/12/2019 22:31

Your brother works long hours and visits his mum two nights a week? I can't see why you or her are complaining. You haven't given one example of her supposed backstabbing.

Cherrysoup · 22/12/2019 22:52

My niece and nephew used to be looked after by granny who lived 5 minutes away but the minute they hit the teens, they stopped wanting to go. Granny still thought they were 6 and they weren’t interested in the same things or the meals she cooked.

The teens should be going without prompting, if they want to go. It’s ruddy hard to persuade teenagers to go to see their grandma if they don’t want to.

katy1213 · 22/12/2019 22:56

I wouldn't travel four hours to see someone I don't like. Why would she even want you there? Doesn't have she any friends?
Anyway, if she takes offence and she's four hours away, who cares?

averythinline · 22/12/2019 23:03

Wow sexist judgemental stuff here...,This ur DB choice, if he sees ur mum that often absolutely no reason he couldn't be bringing his kids along... why's it her job?
Don't go , if I was her wouldn't want your there as there is no way you could hide that level of disdain and it's her birthday..... do get a favour and make some excuse not to go

katy1213 · 22/12/2019 23:03

Sorry, see I misunderstood and that the destination is four hours away.
I still wouldn't go!

Drum2018 · 22/12/2019 23:15

You shouldn't go on the birthday trip as no doubt there will be tension. I gather she'll have her family and friends there too and you will possibly be left like a spare part. If you are supposed to pay towards accommodation then do - don't leave anyone else having to make up the difference your absence might make.

As regards the teens, they are old enough to make up their own minds. My eldest never comes with us to visit relatives. I don't expect him to and would never push him to. Your brother should be the one to try and encourage them to visit his family. It's really not for your sil to sort out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2019 23:21

You clearly loathe and despise each other.
“I’m not going to make it now, have fun”. Can’t see her really creating a rift or trying to convince you to change your mind...

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