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Original poster

Sister in law birthday trip 😔😔

62 replies

11oracg · 22/12/2019 19:18

In January I have a birthday trip to my sister in law 40th. Which is a 4 hour train journey away. We have a turbulent relationship, she is disrespectful to my mum, she keeps her children away from seeing my mum who has only ever been a loving grandmother.

I feel so torn about going as she has caused so much trouble in our family and let’s her mouth run away with her.
Another reason I don’t want to go is that I have a 10 yr old and 7 yr old and I run my own business in which I would lose takings in the time we will be away. My husbands work is so busy in January that I feel bad leaving him for 2 days, although my mum would help with childcare his mum has also just had a mild stroke, so are under pressure in our family life.. our lives in general are so busy.
If I refuse to go giving the above reasons I feel she will not understand, and be made out to be the bad sister in law
Please help I am being unreasonable

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 22/12/2019 19:43

So you've said you will go but now want to pull out at the last minute?

Original poster
11oracg · 22/12/2019 19:43

My other brothers kids also teenagers go to see my mum on a regular basis, and we all make effort to be together

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 22/12/2019 19:44

What ages are they?

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Families
Original poster
11oracg · 22/12/2019 19:45

16 and 14

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 22/12/2019 19:46

Different families work differently. As my kids have got older they have started to see my mum less as other things get in the way. Doesn't mean they don't like her or don't get on with her.

TitianaTitsling · 22/12/2019 19:48

Do you think that she really wants you there?

Original poster
11oracg · 22/12/2019 19:50

Lolol probably not, so maybe I will do her a favour by not going

OP posts:
Spitsandspots · 22/12/2019 19:50

I feel a mother should encourage the children to go see the grandmother as you know what teenagers are like, but she doesn’t

And neither does your brother. Why is it you think it is just SIL responsibility?

Hoppinggreen · 22/12/2019 19:51

If you don’t want to go because you think she should make her teenagers visit your mum more then you are being ridiculous
If it’s because you don’t like her then fair enough, dont

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 22/12/2019 19:53

I don't see what she's doing wrong. She didn't marry you lot. She's going to the people she likes and loves.
She clearly doesn't like you. Has no obligation to you. If your brother wants his children to have a relationship with you lot then that's 100% his job. Not her problem.

Original poster
11oracg · 22/12/2019 20:04

Ah you lot...
Lovely

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 22/12/2019 20:05

Just because we dont agree with you?! You haven't given enough info for us to think she's horrible

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 22/12/2019 20:05

#teamSIL

ChristmasCroissant · 22/12/2019 20:09

So why the short notice about not going OP - have you known about this party for a while? It comes across as you trying to make a point with your SIL although it's not clear what the point is tbh!

misspiggy19 · 22/12/2019 20:09

We have a turbulent relationship, she is disrespectful to my mum, she keeps her children away from seeing my mum who has only ever been a loving grandmother.

^Based on that alone I wouldn’t have anything to do with the SIL

dementedpixie · 22/12/2019 20:10

Does she keep the kids away or do they choose not to go? In what way is she disrespectful?

Sagradafamiliar · 22/12/2019 20:16

Yet again, women get all the shit for male family members supposedly not pulling their weight with their own families.

rhubarbarkle · 22/12/2019 20:17

Don't go. End the charade now and make it an early start to a New Year's resolution.Whatever your brother and her do in terms of seeing your mother is there own problem. You just mind your own and see your mam and your kids see your mam etc. There is no way with family pressures I'd be making my way on a journey 4 hours for a birthday party for someone I don't get on with for whatever reasons.

rhubarbarkle · 22/12/2019 20:18

rifts can be healthy things

MerryDeath · 22/12/2019 20:20

this isn't complicated. you've made your excuses to us, those are fun, that's all you need to give.

MerryDeath · 22/12/2019 20:20

*fine Hmm

Original poster
11oracg · 22/12/2019 20:29

I do leave them to deal with how they bring up there kids..my mum is upset and widowed 5 years ago so she is my priority.
I would love to spend hours telling you all about all the nonsense she has said all the manipulation she does and all the back stabbing. but I don’t have time. Thank you for all your comments and to add I also have to deal with my husband side of the family and I constantly invite my mil round and go round when I can with my kids.

Thanks again

OP posts:
Original poster
11oracg · 22/12/2019 20:32

I’m not making a point with my sil if it was a night out locally I would have gone but it’s mainly leaving for 2 days and one night and being in her company for that long

OP posts:
MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 22/12/2019 20:48

But surely you can understand that your mum doesn't need to be on her radar. Her children are old enough that they can use their own steam to see her and their father can push it if necessary. In this point. You are wrong.

LemonPrism · 22/12/2019 20:49

Sorry, but grandparents don't automatically just deserve respect.

Also, you say he goes round twice a week?? I see my mum every 3 months... that's not normal. She has a family and a busy life she's not going to force her kids to go to grandmas all the time. You've said grandma is welcome so I think you're just being arsey tbh

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