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Original poster

‘We are not sending cards this year, instead ...’

143 replies

AShaveAndAHarecutHalfPrice · 22/12/2019 08:45

Anyone else get annoyed by these frankly attention seeking posts?

No reason to tell people which charitable cause you are supporting - simply wish your friends a Merry Christmas, without the public display of do-goodery.

I’m not sending cards cos I write them and forget to post them and it’s a massive waste of time and money, so I no longer do it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 23/12/2019 20:02

Nobody has ever made a comment to me about the fact I don't send them a card, I'm sure they dont even notice.

But no one is going to ring you up or write to you to say 'Didn't get a Christmas card from you this year; was it an oversight, lost in the post, or that you just couldn't be arsed?' So that means nothing. You don't know if they noticed or not. But the 'I gave X to charity instead' as a bid for the moral high ground gets right up my nose.

shinynewapplesonachristmastree · 23/12/2019 20:18

I agree. It's the 'we are not sending cards because we are giving to charity / donating to food bank etc'

It's possible to do these things without having to announce it to everyone.!

DingDongMerrilyOnThigh · 23/12/2019 20:36

I've just had my first ever email of this sort.

It's from some neighbours who lost their young adult son some years ago, to say they're donating to a charity researching the condition that killed him. (They do a lot of fundraising for it anyway.)

So, sometimes, you'd be very, very unreasonable to be annoyed.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
Ragwort · 23/12/2019 20:37

If you send messages via Facebook how do you send greetings to people who don’t use FB ? Confused.

I don’t use FB so have no idea what other people do, I do send and receive around 100 cards though, so I assume most of my friends & family are still happy to send cards (& I give to charity as well but don’t need to tell anyone).

jazzandh · 23/12/2019 20:49

The people that do this haven't given up anything themselves!

It is the non-recipient that has effectively donated the money........whilst the person patting themselves on the back for their charitable generosity has made no effort at all.

I agree with the PP - give up your Christmas treats for charity ...not my Christmas card!

KTyoupigeon · 23/12/2019 23:29

So many assumptions going on in this thread! That the people (of which I am one) are only donating once a year instead of Xmas cards. I could tell you what I’ve given up and what my daughter has given up to help our environment and charities but hey that would make me far to virtuous and braggy.

I will say I sent well over 70 cards to sick children this year instead of sending to friends who I feel obliged to send to -
Oops sorry if that makes you feel like I’m being boastful but that’s your problem not mine.

Memoriesmemories · 23/12/2019 23:57

Sorry OP, I disagree. It's not attention seeking in my opinion. It's just telling people that they won't receive a card as the person has decided to donate money to charity. I did it this year, sent £100 to an animal charity I regularly support.

Memoriesmemories · 23/12/2019 23:58

Didn't mean for it to come across as arrogant or boastful, I do apologise if that's how it seemed.

OrchidJewel · 24/12/2019 00:08

Yep I hear you. Only person I know that follows through is my Mam who actually does donate every year to my sons SN school, and she gives a lot. She is genuine and I know as a result she has gotten a few quid from pals. Otherwise I think people are talking bollocks and do nothing.

I do myself always buy 2 massively known children's charity cards, I'd probably be better off just giving them direct cash though?

OrchidJewel · 24/12/2019 00:10

That's a great thing your doing KTyou, your not boastful

managedmis · 24/12/2019 00:12

I can't believe people still do this

Shinyletsbebadguys · 24/12/2019 00:22

I'm fairly honest about cards . I hate them nd think they are completely pointless ( especially if given with a present WTF ?? What is the point ?)

I'm upfront however and say that, I dont remotely expect cards from anyone and frankly wouldn't notice of they weren't sent . The only exception being DC homemade cards which send me into a tailspin of maternal "awwwwing " that occasionally DP has to snap me out of by putting the kettle on and delivering me tea. Oh and from DP because he writes lovely romantic messages on when I generally get verbally something more like "Bloody hell woman you drive me nuts but I love you , now stop hiding my socks please " , so some nice phrases are appreciated.

I do not understand why my sister obsessively counts cards and insists on sending them when we hate each other.

However I do not claim to donate to charity, I support them in other ways , I simply say I hate cards and dont do them. Granted it doesn't always go down well but then I suspect a friendship between myself and those given to card based spreadsheets probably wouldn't get on well.

So yanbu OP, people should be honest and then the card madness might end. Just think no more glittery Robin's being the cause for aunty pat starting world war 3 in the family because her hairdressers dog relegated her to the poundshop mini cards!

Iamthewombat · 24/12/2019 00:33

Surely you mention the charity to raise awareness in the hope others will also support it.

Oh yeah, the cheap-ass version of virtue signalling!

You’re in good company, though. Ever since Band Aid you can’t move for celebrities ‘generously giving their time to raise awareness’. No cash, mind. That’s for the ordinary people.

MrsNoMopp · 24/12/2019 01:18

The people that do this haven't given up anything themselves

Yes. It's like when they cancel giving gifts to others and replace them with 'gifts' of charity goats, instead of denying themselves something instead.

SouthWestmom · 24/12/2019 02:00

I disagree.

  1. Lots of FB friends don't know how ill our ds is
  2. I can wish them all happy Christmas in one go
  3. I don't agree with the waste of cards
  4. People will know why I'm not sending cards
  5. I want people to know about the charity
  6. I'm not a liar - I include a screenshot of the thank you for your donation page (not the amount, but it's £50)
SouthWestmom · 24/12/2019 02:03

The people that do this haven't given up anything themselves!

I have given up my job, my sanity, my freedom to care for my son. Forgive me for prioritising that over sending a bit of paper that will get chucked away.

Kez200 · 24/12/2019 06:54

Ive not sent cards for years, apart from the few I only ever keep in touch with that way. Seems such a waste when you see people anyway.

Ive never advertised because, well, not everyone will see the ad anyway will they?

LolaSmiles · 24/12/2019 07:01

It depends if you have friends/family who'll be snubbed if you don't send them a card.

One of my Mum's friends makes a list of who got her a card each year and updates her list accordingly. She'll talk about how she's "almost got all her cards through now" because she has a list of who she normally gets them from.

I tend not to send them to anyone I see in person regularly, so it's just extended family and friends who get them. Cards for every tom, dick and Harry seem like a waste to me so I don't do it. Charitable giving is a separate and private matter.

AFemale · 24/12/2019 12:11

The thing with posting on Facebook so people don't feel hurt at not receiving one, how do you know the people you need to let know actually see your Facebook post?

I don't send card either but I didn't put it on Facebook because I was worried it wouldn't be seen so I messaged the people I send cards to privately. I only have 40 people in my Facebook friends and unless I go to individual profiles I miss stuff they post amongst so I'm sure people with lots more Facebook friends than me must miss some of my posts too.

WarmSausageTea · 24/12/2019 12:26

I tend to agree with the OP, although it isn’t something I’d voice, and on the positive side, it must raise awareness of less well known charities.

But I very much judge people who use the expression ‘virtue signalling’ as mean-spirited and cynical.

CruCru · 24/12/2019 15:38

I sort of agree with the OP. Even if I am FB friends with someone, I may not see their post.

On the other hand, my Christmas cards took about three evenings this year - even though I cut back the number I send by quite a few. So I can understand people deciding not to send cards.

LolaSmiles · 24/12/2019 16:42

But I very much judge people who use the expression ‘virtue signalling’ as mean-spirited and cynical
Out of interest why?

To me there's a huge difference between caring about an issue/charity and virtue signalling so using the word virtue signalling isn't mean spirited because it's identifying a behaviour/action.

Virtue signalling is rarely actually about the issue or charity at hand and is almost always about sending the message "look how good and virtuous I am".

So choosing to give to charity instead of doing cards / reducing cards and waste at Christmas as part of trying to make smaller environmental steps = awesome, even if you let people know who you normally give cards to

Posting on social media how you're not doing cards this year because you're donating to charity and saving the trees (whilst posing for a family photo in your cheaply made fast fashion matching elf pyjamas with a massive pile of presents and stuff behind you) = hypocritical and. Virtue signalling.

reginafelangee · 24/12/2019 17:11

'Virtue signalling' is clearly this year's fashionable insult.

Last year it was 'narcissist'.

What a horrible thread.

WarmSausageTea · 24/12/2019 17:31

Out of interest why?

Because, by and large, I’ve only seen it used to knock people who are doing something fundamentally good, and I see the hypocrisy in the example you gave. I absolutely get that some people look for likes, upticks or whatever, but if the underlying action is good and well-intentioned, and if it benefits others, I’m not going to criticise.

I suppose for me the issue is that while virtue signalling does go on, it’s something that people have leapt on, similar to snowflake and boomer, and use as a lazy, sweeping insult. We seem to be in an age where discussion and debate are being pushed aside in favour of snappy, hashtag-friendly insults.

And to be honest, I don’t really judge people who use these expressions, that was a bit of an exaggeration. I just don’t like seeing (overall) positive things dismissed because of how they’re presented. My issue, I know.

QuickstepQueen · 24/12/2019 17:38

You can't bloody win - when I have said to people we are not sending cards this year because I don't like doing it, I have been accused of ruining Christmas for everyone else!