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Original poster

“Ask for Angela” codeword in pubs & bars

93 replies

Rollergirl11 · 19/12/2019 20:49

Has anyone used this or know anyone that has? I’m interested to know how effective it is. Surely it’s only any use if there isn’t a huge queue at the bar to be served?

OP posts:

Shreksearcandle · 19/12/2019 23:18

ffs, it's not just about a woman speaking to a bouncer and being taken out the back door though, it's about staff being friendly as if they know her then taking her away and ensuring she gets into a cab safely. It's not just dates that it's used for either, a man harassing women who think he may follow if they leave works too. We could go to buy a drink and ask for Angela, or go to the toilet and pass the bar on the way back and ask.

Nomorepies · 19/12/2019 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

toodlethenoodle · 19/12/2019 23:25

I worked in a bar for 5 years and was Asked for Angela easily 6 - 7 times a month! By both men & women. A taxi was stationed outside and the person flew off within minutes. It must have got some people out of some uncomfortable situations.

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Shreksearcandle · 19/12/2019 23:26

Qcng no, they won't think you are. It's more of a sign to say you need to speak alone. So if you were at a midwife appt and had drawn a black dot they'd say they needed to do a quick examination and ask your partner to step outside. Or a GP with the partner in the room would say they need to check some details or examine you and policy states the partner must leave but can come back straight after to continue the consultation. Or take you to another room etc. Then when you're alone they'll tell you they noticed it and ask if you need to speak alone. If not and it's a coincidence as in your case you merrily trot back and partner's none the wiser. If so you can speak freely and they'll either help remove you to safety or you can go back to the consultation with the HCP in the loop and partner unaware.

toodlethenoodle · 19/12/2019 23:27

@1300cakes The bar I worked in was in the (stone age) of Ireland without wifi or signal so it was easier for us to sort it within minutes!

We had posters on every door around the pub so everyone knew about it.

LemonPrism · 19/12/2019 23:28

Considering the signs are all over the bloody loos I don't think they work because the aggressor would know what you were doing too

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 23:28

I saw this ona loo door in a pub. Seems a good idea. Never had to use it (I don't date) but am glad they have this service.

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 23:29

LemonPrism Are they in the mens' loos though??? most aggresors are men (not misandrist, just stating fact).

toodlethenoodle · 19/12/2019 23:30

@furrymules They should be in mens toilets too. Women are abusers too.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 19/12/2019 23:31

I learned about the dot from an episode of Law and Order. It's not a secret. I am thankful I never had to use it but I have shared the info with some women I know. It's in the USA too. Never heard the Angela thing but will inquire.

Lulualla · 19/12/2019 23:32

@LemonPrism
Even if the aggressor understood what was happening, what are they going to do? The bar staff are already intervening and removing the woman from the situation. What's the guy gonna do? Attack them all?start screaming and shouting? Whatever he does, the woman is already whisked away and police will be called if he gets rowdy. It's just easier to ask for Angela than actually go say "help me". The annonimity of the phrase makes it easier, whether or not that annonimuty is real or not.

LemonPrism · 19/12/2019 23:33

@furrymulesandPJs just asked DP and he said he's seen the sign on the wall of a pub before. Not in a loo though

LemonPrism · 19/12/2019 23:34

I suppose that's true @Lulualla yes. I still think it's a good thing just was confused at the logistics

Lulualla · 19/12/2019 23:35

The black dot is just an internet thing. It hasn't been taken up as official policy of domestic violence charities, nor has it been rolled out in training throughout the entire NHS.

A woman could put a black dot on her hand and discreetly show her midwife, but the midwife might not have a clue what its about. (I'm sitting next to a midwife right now and its not something they've ever been trained on).

ilovepixie · 19/12/2019 23:43

I dont quite get how it's more useful than just ordering a cab yourself on your phone - something you can do on app so without uttering a word, you could do it secretly at your table.

Not every area has this service. Where I live you have to physically phone the taxi firm and speak to a person to order a cab.

ffswhatnext · 19/12/2019 23:44

That's what staff and bouncers should be doing anyway. And a lot do without referring to any name. But I'd much rather talk to the bouncers, and get my own cab with the bouncers keeping a watch especially if I don't know the club.

If I'm at a bar, I would order a drink and mention the problem. Would save time considering the name isn't as well known. Obviously, if the place has posters in the ladies, then they are aware.

However, what about the men? Being harassed etc isn't just a female thing, it happens to guys as well. So posters directing people on how to get help should be in both toilets.

WeArnottamused · 19/12/2019 23:52

I’m not sure if anyone is aware of Hollie Guard - shared by Staffordshire Police.

hollieguard.com/

^A free app for smartphones has been designed to protect both men and women from possible danger.
Hollie Guard turns your smartphone into an advanced personal safety device at the touch of a button. If in danger simply shake your phone to generate an alert, your location, audio and video evidence of the incident will automatically be sent to your emergency contact via text and email. Shake it again and it sends out a high pitched alarm and the flash starts to strobe, in order to attract maximum attention.
From the moment Hollie Guard is activated, your location is tracked and can be viewed in real time by your emergency contact. Evidence is not stored on the smartphone but on secure servers so that it can be used as future as evidence.^

furrymulesandPJs · 19/12/2019 23:55

ilovepixie not everyone has a phone with apps. I don't. my phone is a basic Alcatel. limited internet and texts and calls. I think you can get apps put on it but I am on a sim only contract which doesn't include apps.

toodlethenoodle you are absolutely right. Women can be abusers too.

ffswhatnext · 19/12/2019 23:58

@WeArnottamused
Thank you. I didn't know about Hollie Guard, going to look into further and download.
That seems like a more realistic and sensible approach, considering you don't know the reaction of the cabbie if you realise you're being followed.

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 20/12/2019 00:07

When I was pregnant in the maternity department ladies toilets they had a sheet of red dots on the door saying stick this on your notes or urine sample if you feel you are being abused (probably written in better words but it was 10 yes ago). Wish I'd had the nerve to use one but was scared of exes questioning.

WeArnottamused · 20/12/2019 00:17

Ffs have it downloaded on my phone, & the dc’s, hoping we never have to use it.

Seems to be something, everyone should know about.

VenusTiger · 20/12/2019 00:37

Wish I had known about Angela 19 years ago. Instead, I had to give eyes at a hotel receptionist and pretend I was going to use the ground floor bathroom.
Sad that we need this code word, but glad it’s out there.

bd67th · 20/12/2019 01:50

They should be in mens toilets too. Women are abusers too.

It's rarer.
Women can't use physical force to the extent that men can.
The code name should be different, eg "ask for Adam", so that men don't arouse jealousy by asking for a female name, and to minimise awareness of the male code name amongst women and vice-versa.

daisypond · 20/12/2019 06:19

I know about ask for Angela and I’m in my 50s and don’t go to pubs very often. There are posters in ladies’ loos in them. I know about the dot as well.

1300cakes · 20/12/2019 09:27

Not every area has this service. Where I live you have to physically phone the taxi firm and speak to a person to order a cab.

Fair enough.

Those saying”just call a taxi” have obviously never been in an abusive controlling relationship before.

Ask for Angela is for a date gone wrong or a stranger hassling you. How could it possibly help someone in an abusive relationship? Where is the cab going to take you?

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