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Original poster

“Ask for Angela” codeword in pubs & bars

93 replies

Rollergirl11 · 19/12/2019 20:49

Has anyone used this or know anyone that has? I’m interested to know how effective it is. Surely it’s only any use if there isn’t a huge queue at the bar to be served?

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 19/12/2019 21:48

What’s the dot?

ChristaMSieland · 19/12/2019 21:52

FGS stop repeating it.

@SeaSidePebbles get your post pulled. I hope you're not an HCP.

Qwasdo · 19/12/2019 21:52

www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-34326137

Black dot

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Mrsmorton · 19/12/2019 21:54

I presume the dot is something you can stick on your records in hospital in order to show that you need help but can't say it in front of your partner.

Smashtastick · 19/12/2019 21:54

@ChristaMSieland oh stop. If you don't know your going to ask aren't you. Don't be so hysterical.

ChristaMSieland · 19/12/2019 21:56

Brillaint choice of words @Smashtastick

Women who want women to be kept safe from violence are 'hysterical'.

I don't know why I bother with the main boards.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/12/2019 21:56

@ChristaMSieland chill out, no one knew what it was hence everyone asking....

Shreksearcandle · 19/12/2019 21:58

Christa on a forum populated mostly by women, some of whom may be in abusive relationships why would the black dot be a big secret? Every HCP in the world can know about it but if the very women who may need help don't what's the point?

ShirleyPhallus · 19/12/2019 21:59

Women who want women to be kept safe from violence are 'hysterical'.

How did anyone know that it meant anything to do with violence until someone explained it? Very odd outburst honestly

Smashtastick · 19/12/2019 22:01

@ChristaMSieland I would use the word hysterical for anyone who is behaving hysterically.

As a PP has pointed out, how can someone use it if they don't know about it? 🙄 These things are no good kept secret.

heartsonacake · 19/12/2019 22:01

ChristaMSieland You do realise that if nobody knows what the black dot actually is it’s virtually useless, right?

Besides, the dot being mentioned on one thread on a mostly female forum is nothing compared to it going viral on Facebook with people sharing pictures of black dots on their hands.

MrsGrindah · 19/12/2019 22:02

Well the dot has passed me by but if it’s on the BBC then you can hardly suggest this thread should be taken down.

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2019 22:05

I'm an HCP and hadn't heard of the black dot so thank you PP.

Howmanysleepsnow · 19/12/2019 22:11

A black dot on your hand indicates to HCPs you’re in an abusive relationship and want help but can’t ask.
I know about this from the internet so don’t see the harm in sharing ( @MNHQ delete if I’m wrong). Unfortunately I wouldn’t know about it otherwise despite being a HCP in the NHS, so feel sharing is appropriate.

Qcng · 19/12/2019 22:15

I have very clear skin, but I actually have a very obvious and quite large dark black freckle in the middle of the back of my right hand. It's more of a "birth mark" actually.
Will HCPs be thinking I'm in an abusive relationship now?
Serious question.

SmileyClare · 19/12/2019 22:21

It all seems a bit of a gimmick really, something for people to share on Facebook. As mentioned, it only really works it if it is made common knowledge and is part of staff training.

ffswhatnext · 19/12/2019 22:22

I wouldn't associate a black dot as a sign on dv or needing help.
Dots, whether one or more already have meaning.
If I saw one dot I might ask what thing they achieved, changed in their lives, habits broken etc.

blueshoes · 19/12/2019 22:26

Thanks for educating me about Angela and the black dot. I did not know and it makes sense why women or other vulnerable persons may need it.

Witchend · 19/12/2019 22:29

It's surely a catch 22 situation.

If you make people aware that saying or doing something which apparently is normal means that they're asking for help without alerting the person they need rescuing from....
Then surely the people they need rescuing from are just as likely to know about it in which case it's not a secret code and they might as well ask for help straight out.

Nomorepies · 19/12/2019 22:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Thelnebriati · 19/12/2019 22:35

Ask Angela is as much about training bar staff as it is about giving women a way to leave.
Its a way for women to get the staff to phone a taxi without the staff trying to chat them up, for example.

MustardScreams · 19/12/2019 22:36

I’ve used the ‘Angela’ thing when on a Tinder with a guy that would not fucking leave me alone. I went to the loo and he was standing directly outside and escorted me back to the table. Immediately made me feel grim. I could have left, but he would have followed me I’m sure.

Anyway when we went to get drinks I asked the bartender if Angela was working. He said he’d take me to the back office as she was waiting to talk to me anyway. Not a lot the creepy guy could do about that, the other bartenders ensured he didn’t come with me. The original bartender made sure I was fine and ordered me a taxi, walked me out the back when it got there and waited until I’d left. I’m usually fine in these types of situations and would just go home, but this guy just made me feel absolutely hideous and I needed to get away. It’s a great scheme.

ffswhatnext · 19/12/2019 22:42

Angela is a new one on me. I've been clubbing on and off for 30 years.

At times people also approach the bouncers without any secret word, have a word and if needed transport organised, the one had a complaint booted out. If the complainant stays, they will ensure they safely get into a cab. Basically, do whatever steps they should be doing without the need for a codeword.

As soon as the person sees you talking to staff, they will be aware that you are probably complaining. And depending on the club/circumstances being taken out the back door could still put that person at risk. Easier to lose someone on a busy main road, than starting out in a back street, especially if it's a known policy. Although a decent bouncer will keep an eye to ensure that trouble makers aren't hanging around.

Qcng · 19/12/2019 23:03

MustardScreams sounds like the scheme worked well for you, sorry about your horrid date, can I ask, how did you actually find out about it?

Lulualla · 19/12/2019 23:10

@ChristaMSieland

The dot isn’t meant to be kept secret, and there is absolutely no reason not to talk about. The whole point is to talk about it!

It’s been promoted all voter Facebook, because the woman who came up with it wanted to get it out there. The whole point is that someone can put a dot on their hand which signals that they want someone, their friends or a professional, to come and talk to them about domestic violence. Then they can get help. The whole idea of the black dot in your palm is that it is easy to hide and easy to wipe off when in the company of the abuser.

Domestic violence charities have simply urged victims of abuse to be careful of when and where they use it. The founder said that abuse victims aren’t idiots and obviously wouldn’t wave it around in front of their abuser.

But it isn’t secret. It was never meant to be secret.

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