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Original poster

DC of wealthy parents

76 replies

Rainingdogsandcats · 12/12/2019 15:46

DH is a fairly high earner. My question is how do you keep your DC grounded so that they don't become entitled?

OP posts:

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 12/12/2019 15:47

Well you don’t spoil them by buying them everything they ask for, for a start.

Foghead · 12/12/2019 15:55

I don’t think you become entitled just because you can afford things.
It’s more to do with an attitude. They can still help out with chores, learn to give time and gifts to loved ones including siblings, get involved in charity work and foster a work ethic.

Also gratitude because you never know if things fall apart. All it takes is, in one case I know, a death or illness and everything was lost.

Thestrangestthing · 12/12/2019 16:00

Just make sure they aren't comparing their big house with 5 bedrooms and the range rover they have for the school run, to the "poor" (average income household) friends they have at school, and making fun of them for it, telling them they are poor, like some of the entitled, spoilt brats in my ds class.

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Anotheruser02 · 12/12/2019 16:04

I guess spend as if he's not earning so high. The main luxury for me would be the luxury of not having to worry about money rather than affording stuff. I don't think anyone grows up entitled because the live in a nice home, but it's normal and healthy to want for things, wait for things and work for things.

SpaghettiSharon · 12/12/2019 16:04

We’re in this bracket. DC have never been spoilt - small number of presents, only get things for Christmas and birthday, if they want stuff in between they have to pay for it from their pocket money.

They have helped out with charity work from a young age and we ensure they have a well rounded “life education”.

We also remind them that most of our good fortune is down to luck as well as work and that being well off does not correlate to working hard - I.e. plenty of people work their fingers to the bone but for various reasons get paid fuck all.

I think they’re doing ok and appear to be fairly grounded but it’s a work in progress!

Grasspigeons · 12/12/2019 16:23

Like a lot of things you have to model the values you want. I dont think its about buying or not buying stuff. My parents were wealthy but they were concerned with other peoples welfare and acted accordingly. I remember so many occasions where they were the good samaritan -literally if someone fell they would help them up. Wheras i could see other cross the road or step over them.

Apolloanddaphne · 12/12/2019 16:28

We are fairly well off. My DDs went to private school. We always prioritised their education over everything. To that end were expected to help out at home with chores to earn money and get weekend or summer jobs in the holidays. They have never expected to be just given things and are always very grateful if we are able to help them out. They knew that if they ever demanded anything they wouldn't get it. They are both adults now and work very hard. They are both very grounded and lovely young women.

Apolloanddaphne · 12/12/2019 16:32

It also helps that I am a social worker and they are very aware of how privileged they are compared to others. There are no outward shows of ostentation in our family.

Milomonster · 12/12/2019 16:34

I’m from a high earning background and have been fortunate enough to not have to worry about money. I have had great role models of very down to earth and giving people and this has been inculcated into DS. I never give into his whims but he isn’t a demanding child. He gives away pocket money, is super-helpful at home and at school, treats his things with great respect, and does charity work with me, and works very hard. I don’t take it for granted that he will always be financially secure and am raising him to stand up on his on his own two feet and work towards the things he wants in life. We travel a lot but other than that lead a very simple life. I think this issue comes down to the personal philosophy of the parents.

JoJoSM2 · 12/12/2019 16:35

We’re both from privileged backgrounds and not particularly materialistic, ie spend time doing sports, going for walks, some meals out are Nando’s rather than fancy restaurants etc We also live in a down-to-earth area. However, I feel like some sense of entitlement is deeply ingrained and we live in a massive house, will be educating privately and have a cleaner, gardener etc I think it’s more about teaching DC respect for people from different walks of life. My parents also stopped giving me pocket money at 16 so I needed to earn my own - I might be doing the same for DC.

Tinkobell · 12/12/2019 16:58

It has been an issue for us. We are well off as is the area we live which is a wealthy bubble and not representative of most other places. I’ve encouraged my DC’s to move away and will continue to do so. I think it’s doing a world of good for their life perspective. Problem we’ve found is you can tell DC’s that they’re fortunate TIL you’re blue in the face; but they need to learn, see & experience the other side to actually believe it.

Ohpleasefuckofflove · 12/12/2019 16:59

I think it’s more about education, understanding and acceptance. Educate them to know that money does not mean everything, it is through hard work, let them know that money does not define them at all, make them understand that it can all go to shit, and have them accept others for whatever they might be or have. All I can say is be humble, do not talk of others in a segregated way, be inclusive - everyone matters. Also, listen to other parents and children if your child is being accused of doing wrong, don’t say ‘oh no, my little angel Timmy wouldn’t dream of doing that’ (a little bit off the subject but seen in many high end families)

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 12/12/2019 17:08

My Sis and BiL raised two wonderful, grounded, generous children (now adults) despite being financially 'indulgent' with them. I think it was a combination of teaching them the value of money, a sense of responsibility, and also consistent discipline.

BiL took them to his business from a relatively young age and not only did they see him working hard, but he set them jobs to do and paid them as long as they were done to his standards. He impressed on them that you work for what you have and that there is dignity in ALL work and it deserves respect. Sis always demanded that they have good manners and show respect and compassion to other people.

BlackSwanGreen · 12/12/2019 17:12

We have a high income, but the thing is that the DC judge money differently. So for example we live in a bigger house than most of their friends, but they don't seem to notice that. All they know is that their tech items aren't usually as good as their friends'!

Doddle7 · 12/12/2019 17:25

We are living an eco-friendly lifestyle, which means use as less resources as possible. We use hand-me-downs, second hand cars and books. The only luxury we are having is buying everything organic. We try to stay plastic-free and do lots crafts using upcycled materials. I guess this exercise help us all think more about our impact rather than consumption

Original poster

Rainingdogsandcats · 12/12/2019 17:26

Thank you all. How do you get it so wrong for one child in the family when you say the same thing constantly. Eldest ds is 22 but so entitled.

My DH isn't a fan on pocket money as he thinks the kids spend it all in one go on crap.

What pocket money do your DC get and do they have to earn it?

OP posts:

Housewife2010 · 12/12/2019 17:35

My son gets £5 a month ( year 6). He saves it up and only spends it when there's something he really wants - like a Switch game. He's learned the value of saving for what he really wants.

MsMellivora · 12/12/2019 17:40

Have never just bought DS stuff if he wants it, he has to wait. We live very modestly compared to how we could live so he doesn’t really know just how well off we are, no one does. I will be able to buy him a house outright for instance but I won’t tell him that.

He had a paper round and worked in a pub kitchen for a few months when in first year of his A levels. I wanted him to earn his own money and also do a job that was hard physical labour.

user1494670108 · 12/12/2019 17:40

We are in this bracket though kids are not at private schools (our choice and theirs)
Our kids are very different personalities so despite our best efforts I suspect one will grow up somewhat entitled and the other won't. They are treated the same but they respond differently.
I do think them being in state education is really important although the fact that we can afford to live in catchment for an excellent school is obviously yet another advantage we give them

Original poster

Rainingdogsandcats · 12/12/2019 17:41

My DH can be quite controlling financially, he sways from splashing out more on a new car than the cost of a house in some parts of the country to moaning that the kids have wish lists for Christmas.

OP posts:

ChristmasSpirtsOnTheRocksPleas · 12/12/2019 17:46

Entitlement has nothing to do with wealth. There are plenty of people from low income backgrounds who think they’re entitled to have as many children as they want, not take care of their health, make poor financial decisions etc and expect the tax payer to pay for it. The only antidote to entitlement is to teach children that obligations arise from their privilege. I was born in a first world country where my parents’ lack of funds was no impediment to education so I was obliged to do as well as I possibly could at school. I was blessed with intellectual ability so I was obliged to make opportunities to exploit it by applying for scholarships and top universities etc. I had a good education so I am obliged to make the most of it by following a challenging career with development opportunities and contributing to the economy/humanity to the best of my abilities. I am able to get a well paid job so I am obliged to take financial responsibility for myself and pay to correct amount of tax to prevent the country falling into chaos so that I can continue to do my well paid job. And so on. I am privileged so I have to work to justify my good luck.

Ylvamoon · 12/12/2019 17:49

Mine get 5.- month pocket money ... now that isn't enough for teens 😁.
So they are doing quite a lot of chores to boost their "income" ... sometimes more sometimes less. But more importantly they learn that work does pay.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/12/2019 17:49

Do you support your DS 22 financially?

JoJoSM2 · 12/12/2019 17:55

OP, sounds like your husband is a bit inconsistent?

I think pocket money is good for teaching budgeting/financial responsibility. For example, growing up I had a friend who got loads of pocket money but also a list of what it needed to cover vs what parents would pay for separately.

Apolloanddaphne · 12/12/2019 18:09

As teens mine got an allowance of £100 each month but they had to pay for toiletries, socialising extra clothes etc out of that. They learned how to save for things they really wanted. Please tell me you aren't still your 22 yo pocket money?

My DD2 is 22 and loving at home after graduating uni in the summer. She has a full time job in a pub to earn the money she needs and she has to pay us digs too. We don't need that money but it teaches her she needs to pay her way.

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