DC of wealthy parents

[Rainingdogsandcats]

DH is a fairly high earner. My question is how do you keep your DC grounded so that they don't become entitled?

Sorry about the typos!

Limited pocket money, with rewards for saving (similar to interest payments) is an essential tool when it comes to teaching kids the value of money. But you do need to be strict about non-essential items over and beyond the pocket money limit & not buy things when they spend all their money.

This question is probably the one that has kept me awake many nights, I grew up fairly poor, rough neighbourhood and sink schools.
Through a combination of luck,right uni and prudent business choices, I am comfortably retired before 40-just to set out my stall.
I have helped family members children, by raising them(parents uninterested/not involved) as my own.
So to that end, top private schooling, holidays, horse riding, sailing and various other things(world challenge etc etc).
I have taken them to my old neighbourhood and donated to causes close to my heart. They have done volunteering, mentoring and have raised funds for charities.
I guess I always made them work towards things they wanted, explained the privilege bubble issues and tried to give them a sense of responsibility towards those less fortunate themselves.
Every single of one of them,had to do a basic service based job, during holidays to see that people work bloody hard and that should be respected.
It is difficult to try and get the balance right, in my case-in some instances I did try to overcompensate the lack of parental involvement.
I also wanted them to have all the things that I never had growing up but always had to be mindful, that they didn't take things for granted.
I can say they that are all young adults, working in fields designed to help others and they do awful lot to help those less fortunate themselves.

My parents are very wealthy, and I would say that my DBro is far more entitled than me. I started working part time at 15 in a sandwich shop and worked throughout uni. DB did very little work.

It's really hard to know why we are different but I think my parents were too lenient with him. Just because they didn't need £50 a week for food/bills after uni doesn't mean it wouldn't have been a good idea for DB to learn to contribute and budget. Also, my parents jump to the rescue very quickly and should probably let him work it out for himself. It's one of the few things that I disagree with my parents about.

Charity work

We have pocket money with no chores associated with it. But it’s a small amount and has always been.
The one thing I have done is to not buy things for them all the time. So we were and about and they knew I would buy books (always) but not tat. That had to be out of their pocket money.
They’ve always done many activities but they have never been allowed to just dip in and out all the time.
When they asked to have something, the question was always ‘Do you really NEED it rather than want it? If you want it, do you REALLY want it?’ So making a big show of the difference between needs and wants.

On the other side, they have to be involved in family life, have their own responsibilities (putting the table, that sort if things) and have done so since they were little.

I think it’s a hard balance to find and I agree with a PP that children of poorer people can be entitled too.

I guess it's more attitude.

My kids (teenagers) have friends whose parents who replace broken phones on demand so don't take care of their stuff. They've gone through dozens of phones and these breakages are rarely accidents.

I obviously replace broken clothing )eg if the zip goes on a coat or they outgrow their shoes) but sometimes it's definitely up to them to replace or wait until birthday or Xmas.

I could afford to give my kids more pocket money but they are encouraged to get part-time jobs in sixth form. It's totally changed their attitude to money- they've gone from thinking I'm tight to an appreciation of the effort it takes to earn £20 especially as they are on minimum wage.

Oh yes about not automatically replacing!!

Ex was a high earner for our area over 40 years ago

We used the word no a lot
Or we would buy basic trainers and they would use easter Christmas birthday or pocket money to upgrade etc

Wow Doritos

They've gone through dozens of phones and these breakages are rarely accidents.

Rod and back spring to mind

That must be hard sunshine

My dp.. could’ve given me a bit more but they didn’t ... so I kept up the tradition 😂

However I’m as soft as clarts with my grandkids

You make sure you provide them with everything they need, and just a few things that they just 'want'. Encourage them to get a part time job when old enough and teach them to manage their money.

No we don't support Ds. He has a full time job and pays his own way. He just has a terrible attitude.

Younger ds is in 6th form but has a part time job.

I'm not a parent yet, nor do I have a high earning job, but this is an interesting question. My parents were fairly well off, not rich but certainly not struggling, and they gave me plenty of opportunities. However, I worked every summer from the age of 16, and while I was at university they paid for course essentials (laptop, books) but I budgeted my own food and going out etc. I had friends who were extremely wealthy, and whilst they were for the most part in theory aware of other people's situations and followed trendy left wing politics, they really had no idea what normal schools, jobs etc were like and no ability to budget. They had never had to work, so they had never in real life made friends with people working to support a family on minimum wage for example. The level of inbuilt entitlement was high - just the way they spoke to staff and so on whilst not rude was definitely from the perspective of being used to having things done for them.

Oof that was a bit of an essay sorry

I think they need to appreciate that a lot of what they have is down to good luck. My sister is very wealthy with children in private school. They already have house deposits put away for them. They are likely to be high earners and work hard for their income. However, the luck comes down to being born into a position of privilege.
Some of the hardest workers I know don't have a pot to piss in because they did not have the best start in life.
Its important that people know the causes of inequality.

I remember being at high school and finally inviting friends back to my houses before this, I had no idea of our 'background' or wealth. The first time a friend came round she was open-mouthed. We were brought up to have zero-attitude and no real concept of class.
My friends all lived on council estates on the other side of the city. I enjoyed visits to their homes.

My mum made me go out and get a job the moment my NI number card came through and I worked all the way through college and university.

The thing is to treat everyone with respect.
Everyone.
Wealth is only relevant when you don't have it.
For people who don't have it, respect is paramount. It matters and everyone deserves respect.

Be careful, though. I have friends from very wealthy families whose parents - in trying not to ‘spoil’ them - were very, very tight with them growing up. I think this has damaged them far more than indulging them would have, tbh. All have issues around money and all felt ‘poor’ growing up, even though they were rich.

We have plenty of money but we don't spend loads on the kids. They both have two Xmas presents that's it - spent £100 in total on all four gifts. I could have afforded to spend ten times that on each of them but I don't!

I suppose it depends on what level of wealth you’re talking about, and how you spend your money.
I grew up fairly well off. As a teenager I got more pocket money than most of my friends, but this was expected to cover things like ‘extra’ clothing (they provided basics, anything expensive/designer/frivolous I had to pay for myself) and I had a part time job from the age of 16. We never wanted for anything and had a bigger house than most but my parents didn’t spend lavishly, so I don’t think I was really aware that we were better off than others.
We have quite a high income now, but I don’t spoil my children with ‘stuff’. They’re still young (6, 4 and a baby) but we don’t give them masses of gifts at birthdays and Christmas, for example.

It has been an issue for us. We are well off as is the area we live which is a wealthy bubble and not representative of most other places. I’ve encouraged my DC’s to move away and will continue to do so. I think it’s doing a world of good for their life perspective. Problem we’ve found is you can tell DC’s that they’re fortunate TIL you’re blue in the face; but they need to learn, see & experience the other side to actually believe it.

We live in an affluent area, have a fairly large house but have an average income. (We were lucky with previous property and bought our house as a doer upper) All my DC friends parents have pretty high earning jobs (either DH or both parents) and therefore more disposable income. My DDs are constantly comparing themselves (unfavourably) to friends who have the latest iphone, go on 3 foreign holidays a year, have more money to spend. I'm constantly reminding them that there are kids who never go on holiday, who don't have a permanent home or rely on food banks, but it's hard for them to properly grasp that when they dont experience it or see it.

I think it's very important they still get to enjoy the feeling of excited anticipation for things, not just be given something as soon as they want it. We have always insisted on excellent good manners and any signs of uppity entitlement very much frowned on.

Both our DCs seem grounded and the younger one seems to have a genuine social conscience which is very sweet and heartfelt. We're going to buy them both a small house each in whichever city they're at university at, and will rent out the other rooms to their friends. Using our wealth in this way is far more beneficial for them than just showering them in new trainers all the time.

I see this all differently. Many of Ds1's friends at his normal secondary are very very wealthy. 2-4 million pound homes, a lot of skiiing and 5 star holidays. CEO's, husband and wife both estate agents etc.

All of them are very naice boys and girls, bright study hard, play football or other sports, go to tonnes of parties, meet up in Nando's regularly.

But they are not grounded. If you think your children are grounded, I think you may be misguided.

Trying to teach good manners and consideration to everyone.

One of my proudest parenting moments to date was when I happened to take my child into a classroom after school to find something that he had mislaid. The school cleaner stopped me and said 'Oh, you're his Mum are you?' She told me that she also worked in the dining hall and that he was a lovely polite child with very good manners.

I was more pleased than if he had received the same praise from the headteacher.

We've always instilled manners and respect into them from day one, I know the DC could go anywhere and I would be told how polite and well mannered they are.

It's the inconsistency of DH that doesn't help too I think, he'll think nothing of taking himself and ds on a football or sport jolly to another country then moan when I tell him we need the mower fixing ( for instance).

It's come up today just because ds was moaning that he wants to move out but cant afford it and he can't wait until DH can help him buy a place.