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Original poster

Being verbally abused and intimidated at school drop off and pick up

73 replies

alfieum · 11/12/2019 17:39

My child started a new school in September and I've found the mothers quite hostile, but I've not thought much of it.

Last week at drop off I was saying to my child, who has been getting a bit anxious before school 'If anyone hits you, tell a teacher'. A woman I'd never even noticed called me a 'stupid fucking bitch'. I thought best to ignore it, as she looked like she would like the drama of a response.

I've now noticed that she's been glaring at me and 'fronting' at me all week. I think this have been going on a while but I'd never really picked up on it because.. I didn't know she existed.

At drop off today she was audibly bad mouthing me to other parents and staring at me again in a way that if I looked at her, she'd take it as permission to start a fight. It was really intense and left me shaking.

I asked another mother I know, who confirmed that yes this woman is bad mouthing me and being aggressive ton the point pf other people telling her to 'Just leave it'. I've never even made eye contact with this woman before, never mind spoken to her.

I'm now in a really awkward position as I don't want to inflame the situation, but I'm also quite worried that this might escalate if I don't do something.

Has this happened to anyone else or does anyone have any suggestions. I will contact the school but feel if they mention it to her it might make things worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
alfieum · 11/12/2019 17:40

ugh sorry typo's- have a baby on my lap

OP posts:
HulksPurplePanties · 11/12/2019 17:43

She sounds deranged, but if other parents are telling her to drop it they obviously aren't going to support her. Ignore till she finds another target.

Muminabun · 11/12/2019 17:44

This sounds really weird op. It may be worth mentioning it to the school as she may have form for this and it sounds like she has mental problems. She swore in front of your child so I would make a complaint based on that. Ignore her but if she actually does anything then report her to the police and school, they may be able to exclude her from school grounds and the drop off.

Singlenotsingle · 11/12/2019 17:45

Is it mistaken identity? Does she think you're someone else?

BestZebbie · 11/12/2019 17:46

Was it her child hitting yours, or might she have thought it was?
I agree with mentioning it to the school in an email - if she actually assaults you then you have a paper trail, and they might be able to advise/be alert for problems at the gate.
If she is this aggressive and you don't even know her it probably isn't the first time she has done this, they might have gone through this situation before.

JustASmallTownCurl · 11/12/2019 17:47

Ugh poor you OP I hate these situations. You've done nothing, she's taken it upon herself to create some random hatred for you and now you're going to dread drop off and pick up every day for no reason.

These people are the worst because if you confront them directly, no matter how nicely, they'll take it as proof of whatever they've been saying about you. Dickheads.

Maybe see how it is for the rest of the week and if no change I'd have a quiet chat with the teacher maybe. It's hard coz they have so much on their plate and I'm not even sure what they would be able to do, but unsure what else you can do about it yourself.

Sympathies OP, god some people really are playground bullies forever aren't they.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2019 17:49

Bit odd, there must be more to it, especially if people are saying leave it. They must think there is something to leave.

Don't tell thr school you're an adult, you need to sort your own issues or report to thr police. The school aren't there to sort out issues with parents.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2019 17:51

When you say bad mouthing, what is she saying exactly?

Lulualla · 11/12/2019 17:52

What has she actually be saying? Can the other mum tell you the specifics. I might give you a hint as to why she's targeting you. If she thinks you're someone else or if her child has gotten into trouble for hitting and she is blaming you or something.

But if you feel unsafe then it is ok to pop in and speak to the teachers to find out if something has gone on between your children. If she ever approaches you with violence or makes you feel in real danger then it is OK to report that behaviour to the police.

MrsBricks · 11/12/2019 17:55

Is her child hitting yours and she thought the comment to your child was aimed at her?

WorraLiberty · 11/12/2019 17:55

I asked another mother I know, who confirmed that yes this woman is bad mouthing me and being aggressive ton the point pf other people telling her to 'Just leave it'.

But surely you asked her what was being said?

Mesacasa · 11/12/2019 17:59

You really should just go up to her and calmly ask if she'd like to discuss an issue with you. She won't be expecting that. I doubt she's going to hit you with all the other parents and kids around?

RJoneszy · 11/12/2019 18:01

Her child is probably the one going round hitting others! Sounds like she got a bit defensive to me? Bloody hell...

fluffyjumper · 11/12/2019 18:13

What is she saying about you?

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 11/12/2019 18:15

Did your friend tell you what this woman’s problem with you is? Did you ask?

Original poster
alfieum · 11/12/2019 18:24

So she's been saying that I'm encouraging my child to snitch, which sounds laughable but the delivery is intense.

Her child it transpires has hurt my child, but has hurt a lot of children. I only found this out tonight. It's not something that I would concern myself with though as kids are kids.

Mistaken Identity - I wish!

OP posts:
Lulualla · 11/12/2019 18:27

No doubt the school have spoken to her about her son hitting people. They always send a note home or call the parent in. Then she's heard you say that, and decided that it's all your fault. Her precious child wouldn't be in trouble if those other kids would just stop 'snitching'. She is blaming you. She sounds like the sort of person you want to avoid anyway.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2019 18:29

Ok so her kid hurt yours. And you said in front of her, of someone hits you tell the teacher, which she clearly thought was aimed at her in a bitchy way.

Bit of a drip feed there op.

Original poster
alfieum · 11/12/2019 18:32

Bluntness I did not know until this evening her kid had hit mine - she called me a stupid bitch last week. Literally did not know she or her child existed until she called me that. Also did not say it in a bitchy way - knelt down and said it quietly to an anxious four year old.

Are you the woman from my child's school Wink

OP posts:
insufferablefury · 11/12/2019 18:35

Sounds like she has already had some sort of convo with teacher/school about her dc being violent towards other children, she may have thought your dd was the one caused her dc to get into trouble.( well yeah, they should have for hitting others.)
Nothing wrong with telling your dd to tell the teacher, way better to tell her to retaliate.
Don't look at her, just ignore her.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 11/12/2019 18:36

With a mother that aggressive, no wonder the child is too. I'd go to the school about it, for your dc's sake more than yours and avoid the mother as much as possible.

RebornFlame · 11/12/2019 18:38

I’d get an in school meeting between you her and the class teacher to discuss what’s happening in school.

mumwon · 11/12/2019 18:40

apples don't fall far from trees. a story for you - what happened to me - ds was small for his age when younger & another boy in his class always picked on him & another dc who was also smaller. Ds wanted to give a small Christmas present to 4 of his best friends (chocolates packs) this dc apparently came barging up to my ds & said "where's mine?" ds (thanks for dropping me in it!!!!) said "my mum doesn't like you" (obviously mouth engaged before brain here) his dm (also bigger than me, comes barging up to me & yells at me "your son upset mine" (obviously my ds inherited mouth engaging before brain from me) shocked I said first thing that can into my brain "that makes a change" I don't know who was more shocked I said that her or me! (she was the aggressive type I tended to ignore. Look op - have a chat with teacher & ignore woman or be scrupulously polite - if she says anything or threatens you - report report report - start talking to other friendly mums around you don't talk about her - just ignore her.

FatBlobbyBob · 11/12/2019 18:40

Im.very lucky that we have a free breakfast & after school club, so I dont have to stand outside a classroom.

Can you avoid her for a while?

Hepsibar · 11/12/2019 18:42

I think you need to let the school know of this aggressive behaviour of the parent. It is a shame she overheard you say this to your child.

Her child sounds like it takes after its mother, poor thing.

The mother sounds extremely defensive and her aggressive stance is probably because the school will already have been in touch about her child's issues and I would envisage other parents have already highlighted the behaviour.

I would not speak to her ... she may or may not have mental health issues or for example be an alcoholic or simply not be the most communicative or intelligent and so all you are likely to receive is verbal abuse at best.