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Original poster

Being verbally abused and intimidated at school drop off and pick up

73 replies

alfieum · 11/12/2019 17:39

My child started a new school in September and I've found the mothers quite hostile, but I've not thought much of it.

Last week at drop off I was saying to my child, who has been getting a bit anxious before school 'If anyone hits you, tell a teacher'. A woman I'd never even noticed called me a 'stupid fucking bitch'. I thought best to ignore it, as she looked like she would like the drama of a response.

I've now noticed that she's been glaring at me and 'fronting' at me all week. I think this have been going on a while but I'd never really picked up on it because.. I didn't know she existed.

At drop off today she was audibly bad mouthing me to other parents and staring at me again in a way that if I looked at her, she'd take it as permission to start a fight. It was really intense and left me shaking.

I asked another mother I know, who confirmed that yes this woman is bad mouthing me and being aggressive ton the point pf other people telling her to 'Just leave it'. I've never even made eye contact with this woman before, never mind spoken to her.

I'm now in a really awkward position as I don't want to inflame the situation, but I'm also quite worried that this might escalate if I don't do something.

Has this happened to anyone else or does anyone have any suggestions. I will contact the school but feel if they mention it to her it might make things worse.

OP posts:

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/12/2019 12:40

Wow ... I hope you can move your DC soon

Sewrainbow · 13/12/2019 12:43

The school is in the wrong and you know it, I sudpectvtfey do too. You need to raise a formal complaint against them. Asking you to not attend the school is not dealing with and why should your child suffer because of her?

I would ge looking to change schools too but raise merry hell with them before you leave...

lanbro · 13/12/2019 12:54

She sounds exactly like a woman who has been bullying me online for 6 months, and now a whole load of other women, who I've never met, have joined in! You're not in the north east are you?! Disheartening that there are so many of these people around...

Original poster

alfieum · 13/12/2019 13:57

Thanks everyone. I'm not the raise merry hell type or I'd probably not be in this situation.

We are one of the few middle class families at the school and have been supportive of the teachers and school initiatives. It's a shame they are willing to drive away easy to work with families whose children to appease a bad apple.

Not in the north east, but these people are everywhere it seems. I'm not going to try to 'rise above' something like this in the future and will be more assertive from the off.

OP posts:

Original poster

alfieum · 13/12/2019 14:02

whose children are no both is missing

OP posts:

Patroclus · 13/12/2019 14:25

The staff are pathatic, wont deal with it because they're scared of a parent ffs. Become more of a nuisance than her if thats what it takes for them to get their finger out of their arse.

Patroclus · 13/12/2019 14:29

Just tell the complete chavalanche of a woman you have no idea who she is or any interest in doing so.

Patroclus · 13/12/2019 14:33

*pathetic

CloudyVanilla · 13/12/2019 14:43

Oh my gosh that sounds terrifying!! :O

I have experienced something similar once before, was on a coach to Cambridge with my DP and a woman who clearly must have had mental health issues caught my eye (because she was staring intently at me) and when I smiled she started making threatening comments and even got her phone and and was seemingly talking to someone about "this slut" clearly me

I would be speaking to the school I guess; i dont know what support schools can offer with this though but they might be able to advise. Sorry if this is really obvious I haven't rtft yet, was just so shocked for you :(

Has anyone said why she is acting this way??

legalseagull · 13/12/2019 14:51

I find it absolutely bizarre that two grown adults are being called to the headmasters office!!! I think i would have laughed at the request. Call the police if you feel threatened. Parents arguements are really not the responsibility of the school

CloudyVanilla · 13/12/2019 14:57

Oh gosh sorry just read the whole thread; I see no that she isn't randomly targeting you.

People who parent this way absolutely disgust me. And shame on the school for being so spineless. They should be speaking to the mother about how no one elses comments matter and that any behavioural issues regarding her child will and have been dealt with confidentially, hence you genuinely having no idea your comment would affect her. As if that's more of a big deal than her child attacking others anyway

Definitely move schools, it sounds like a horrible culture all round.

CloudyVanilla · 13/12/2019 14:58

FWIW I know a mum like this, she is dysfunctional and hugely insecure and as a result she is similarly full of drama and perennially convinced that absolutely everything that either her or her child does is someone elses fault.

Have no idea how people like that are best dealt with though.

dancingbadger · 13/12/2019 15:07

You poor thing it sounds horrendous! The school do have a right to ban her from the premises if they think she is a threat to staff or children or report her to ss. Unfortunately for you the head sounds very weak and the school seem to have a culture of bowing to the arseholes so that they don't have to deal with a difficult situation. If she's local and lived in the area for a while she might have family members etc there which will consolidate her power, not that any of that is an excuse it is extremely unfair and wrong. I agree with pp move your Dd it doesn't sound like the school will change any time soon, but if I were you I would definitely be reporting to the governors and local authority. Why should you slink off with your tail between your legs when you and your Dd have done nothing wrong.

shellysheridan · 13/12/2019 15:09

I'm sympathetic with your situation OP and hope you are safe and get it resolved.
The head teacher is however a very busy person and is spending far too much time dealing with a squabble among parents. Teachers aren't the police.

allthesharks · 13/12/2019 15:09

This sounds awful. I really hope you're able to get a place at the other school for your daughter. How is she finding it at school? Has this affected her relationship with other children in the class? I hope now and the children have remained oblivious to what this woman is doing. If it does escalate and your daughter is having a hard time at school, could you consider home schooling as a temporary measure? As she's 4, she's not yet compulsory school age so I'm assuming you could just remove her, but I'm not sure what impact that would have on her getting a place in another school or if it would in fact be the best decision for your daughter. Just another option in case you haven't considered it.

Pinkblueberry · 13/12/2019 15:11

Inform the school, she’s probably known to them, especially if you’re worried about things escalating. I know our headteacher wouldn’t stand for that behaviour on school premises.

Original poster

alfieum · 13/12/2019 15:13

legalseagul - I think it is the business of the school tbh, someone is being threatening on their grounds in front of children and parents. I'd not expect police to spend time a woman swearing in a school playground, I would expect the school to send out an policy saying ' 'Could you refrain from being aggressive on school grounds'. As you can see from the thread I didn't want them to call her to the heads office.

OP posts:

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 13/12/2019 15:20

The school head sounds spineless. Looks like a good idea to move your DD. But I would also complain about the school. Aggressive behaviour from anyone should not be tolerated on school premises, can’t believe they asked you to have someone else collect your daughter.

TheReef · 13/12/2019 15:23

The school are taking the easy way out. I'd keep my distance and if she approaches you then you can say you don't want to have this conversation now but will happily do it with the head. The head should then access CCTV to see who approached whom. She sounds unhinged and I think it's perfectly acceptable to tell your child to report bullying to the teachers

Original poster

alfieum · 13/12/2019 15:28

my dd is happy at the thought of moving schools as it's not been a lovely place to be. as I said earlier, one child hurt her so badly she needed medical treatment and a day off school to recover.

To people saying its a a squabble, it really isn't, it's been a one way thing. I have never engaged with this woman or even looked at her. She thinks I have been deliberately having conversations with my 4 year old to target her. She's called me a 'stupid fucking bitch' and stood there saying 'That's her, that's the one - yeah that's her' with her mates saying 'leave it she's not worth it'. Giving off the impression she was about to fight me if I looked at her. All this in front of kids.

I think getting parents to model good behaviour on school grounds is the schools responsibility and the reason most schools have a parent behaviour policy.

I won't be taking any more of the schools time up with this, but clearly they think she's nuts enough to so something as they have advised I stay away from the school.

Looking forward to the holiday and hopefully a school change.

OP posts:

Pinkblueberry · 13/12/2019 15:30

Parents arguements are really not the responsibility of the school

If it’s on school premesis then of course it is. Parents swearing and behaving in an intimidating and inappropriate way in a children’s environment is unacceptable. At our school the head would have a word, and if the parent didn’t listen they would have to wait for their child outside the gates in future. The school’s children come first - the school shouldn’t risk them whitnessing this kind of behaviour in what should be a safe and secure environment for them. Parents who don’t know how to behave appropriately around the children have no place there. As a pp said this parent probably has issues - but that not the OPs problem. You’re stood on a fucking school playground, it’s not the place to swear at others and start a fight, you need to act appropriately. If you can’t manage to restrain and control yourself at a school, you shouldn’t even be a parent. Disgusting behaviour.

CloudyVanilla · 13/12/2019 15:44

I wish people wouldn't minimise this as squabbling, it really is abuse and intimidation and all in front of small children :( did you say your DD was 4? This is too much FFS.

Definitely move her ASAP, I honestly can't believe some peoples capacity to be confrontational and vile. Shame on the other sheep mums doing nothing or even trying to remain neutral ffs.

How long does it take to do an in year transfer do you know? My oldest doesn't start school til next year so I've no idea but I hope it's something they can sort quickly for your DD.

EvilPea · 13/12/2019 16:06

I had an incident at school that sounds similar. I had no idea who her child or she was but she just roared at me outside the gates. I was mortified, I don’t get into altercations like that and not at school.
I suffer with anxiety so it really shook me and I was concerned how it looked to others. I’m also still bloody livid she thinks it’s appropriate to behave like that in front of kids.

Luckily it died down, and I never heard anything again, as I just answered back that I had no clue what she was on about and when she kept on I just walked off. Her child was causing a lot of issues for the school and was claiming the school were bullying and racist against her and her kids, but the school were managing her.

Your school should remain impartial between parents to a certain degree, they shouldn’t take her side over yours and they certainly should be encouraging kids to “snitch”.
I’d move purely based on the schools response, I would also write a letter to the governor explaining your findings at the school and why you feel it necessary to move your daughter to protect you and her.

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