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Original poster

Would you buy shoes in this situation?

53 replies

ihatethecold · 04/12/2019 07:17

My dd is in her final year of school so the school are having a dressed up Christmas meal to celebrate. This will be in school at lunchtime. The meal is £3.50 and just a cheap turkey meal with crackers.
They have to properly dress up and are not allowed to wear uniform.
Everyone usually wears black trainers to school and they have all been told they can’t wear these for the lunch.
My dd doesn’t have any other shoes apart from trainers.
Not even a pair of boots.

She has looked for shoes with a low heel but isn’t a fan of dainty shoes and would not ever wear them again.
I’m happy to buy her some but she really doesn’t want any and feels it’s a waste of time and money to buy some for one event.

The head of year has told them they can’t have the lunch if they are wearing trainers.

It’s bonkers and a real waste of money and I’m sure some families may feel that it’s an extra expense they don’t have the budget for.

You may say just go buy a cheap flat pair of shoes but as you know teenagers are very self conscious and won’t just wear any old pair. 😬

OP posts:
Groovee · 04/12/2019 07:19

I would. I am the one with very few shoes while my Dd who is 19 has a pair for every day of the week. If she's not bothered about the lunch then I wouldn't bother.

AlwaysCheddar · 04/12/2019 07:20

Primark is your friend here!!!

StrawberryPi · 04/12/2019 07:20

There are shoes in between trainers and dainty heels.... does your DD never go anywhere where trainers would not be ideal?

How about some nice chunky brogues or leather lace ups? Or maybe some Chelsea or biker type boots? None of these are dainty but they can be comfy and smart.

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Sirzy · 04/12/2019 07:21

I think at that age having a pair of smart shoes/boots available is pretty sensible really. Doesn’t need to be expensive

Waffles80 · 04/12/2019 07:21

Why should the OP spend money on disposable fashion that will end up in landfill for ONE afternoon?

lljkk · 04/12/2019 07:25

charity shop or ebay; donate back to charity shop when done

ThePortIsSunny · 04/12/2019 07:25

Get her to try on her posh lunch outfit with her black trainers & then ask her if she'd really be comfortable whole everybody else is wearing smart shoes. She needs to get a pair of none dainty shoes from Primark. This is good training for the world of work where some occupations have uniform that employees have to wear. My work Christmas party is ultra formal and I'm complying with the company dress code.

Simonsaysitschristmas · 04/12/2019 07:26

Waffles80 they can be worn again or given to a charity shop.

Honestly, as a teen she should have more than trainers. You can get a smart pair of ballet flats from primark for a fiver

StrawberryPi · 04/12/2019 07:27

@Waffles80 do you not think that an older teenager might have more than one place where a smart pair of shoes would be necessary?

Wedding/funeral
Job/college/university interview
Party/meal out

Just to name a few fairly common ones...

PolloDePrimavera · 04/12/2019 07:29

Plain ballet pumps would do? And exactly, she could keep in wardrobe for any future occasion requiring smarter shoes so not adding to landfill.

DonPablo · 04/12/2019 07:31

We have a couple of sell or swaps fb groups. Could you join one to see if anyone has a pair cheap or that you could borrow?

INeedNewShoes · 04/12/2019 07:34

If she is in her final year of school, surely the time is fast approaching when she will need a smart pair of shoes for interviews (uni or jobs).

I’d say a decent pair of smart shoes is a good investment at this point anyway.

If we were talking about 10 year olds whose feet are still growing and who don’t have much other use for smart shoes I’d agree it’s a waste of money and not greatly ethical to buy a pair of shoes for one event.

Widdendream77 · 04/12/2019 07:35

I was going to say eBay too, lots of choice, can get a very cheap bargain and then put back on if she had really will never use again. I rarely buy shoes new for my dd, always eBay for mine but have to get new for Dh who is fussy imo but will wear his until they drop off.

Sparklybaublefest · 04/12/2019 07:38

I would go to Shoezone,
doesnt she work at the weekend?
will she work in the summer?
get some black shoes
or if possible get her some and then keep them for yourself afterwards if you are the same size.

ThunderboltandLightning · 04/12/2019 07:38

INeedNewShoes has it spot on. She is going to need them soon, they don't have to be expensive and they are not likely to be worn once and never again at this stage of her life.

SpiderCharlotte · 04/12/2019 07:38

I'd say she'll be needing a pair of proper shoes soon surely? She must go some places when trainers wouldn't be appropriate?

Thestrangestthing · 04/12/2019 07:42

School can enforce uniform rules, they can not enforce a "dress up day" rules. I would phone the school and ask them exactly what will happen if your dd wears the same shoes she wears every other day to school, at re they going to send her home? Put her in isolation? For wearing her school shoes. I doubt it, if they do, I would go over the head teachers head.
Some families can't afford to buy new shoes for a one day event and school and like your dd, some just don't want to.

newdeer · 04/12/2019 07:45

Get her some smart ankle boots or Mary Janes which at least have some support over the arch of the foot. (I hate ballet pumps. Shoes designed to prevent women from running, walking through mud etc.) As others have said, choose something which she could wear on lots of other occasions. But like you, I detest schools that insist you waste money on clothes you'll never wear again just for a one offevent. And to say they'll be banned if they come in trainers actively excludes families in poverty which is unforgivable.

Thestrangestthing · 04/12/2019 07:46

Ah OK, I was basing my response on your child being in her last year of primary school, so was thinking she was about 10 or 11. I would say at her age she will very likely need them soon, so I would buy them or she can buy them herself. I think it's a silly rule but she's an adult now and will definitely need more shoes than just trainers.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 04/12/2019 09:32

She is 16 so not primary school. We have looked for shoes but I can honestly say even in summer she lives in trainers or sliders.
She has wide feet in size 7.5.
I’m a 5 so we can’t share.

She will go to 6th form next year so she will live in trainers still.

I’d love to get her some boots but she doesn’t like them very much.

We have looked for shoes already.

We’ve done Primark , new look , river island plus others.

She just isn’t a shoe wearer. She comes away despondent because there’s limited sizes for her feet on the high st. Then she can’t be bothered to look because it’s just a crappy meal in the school hall.

OP posts:
joCmummy · 04/12/2019 09:35

Is it inside? Could you do slippers? Maybe novelty Christmas ones or something that could be used around the house later.

Obviouspretzel · 04/12/2019 09:39

Does she actually want to go ? If not, I'd just let her stay home. If she does then I suppose it depends what the outfit is.

thedevilinablackdress · 04/12/2019 09:47

Could she be tempted by a pair of DMs? Pricey but worth it if she wears them all winter and beyond.
Also, the school is being ridiculous!

Original poster
ihatethecold · 04/12/2019 09:48

yes, she does want to go and has bought a dress... I do agree that shoes will look better than trainers.
But.... she is happy to wear trainers with her dress, lots of teens dress like this outside of school.

She will feel very self conscious in shoes because its so out of her comfort zone..

This may be relevant to the story but she has been under the child and adolescent MH team for 3 years due to severe anxiety. she goes to school part time and has made great strides in being there more, her overthinking absolutely destroys her thoughts most days and this has become just another thing to worry about.

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/12/2019 09:49

Shoezone?

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