Would you buy shoes in this situation?

[ihatethecold]

My dd is in her final year of school so the school are having a dressed up Christmas meal to celebrate. This will be in school at lunchtime. The meal is £3.50 and just a cheap turkey meal with crackers.
They have to properly dress up and are not allowed to wear uniform.
Everyone usually wears black trainers to school and they have all been told they can’t wear these for the lunch.
My dd doesn’t have any other shoes apart from trainers.
Not even a pair of boots.

She has looked for shoes with a low heel but isn’t a fan of dainty shoes and would not ever wear them again.
I’m happy to buy her some but she really doesn’t want any and feels it’s a waste of time and money to buy some for one event.

The head of year has told them they can’t have the lunch if they are wearing trainers.

It’s bonkers and a real waste of money and I’m sure some families may feel that it’s an extra expense they don’t have the budget for.

You may say just go buy a cheap flat pair of shoes but as you know teenagers are very self conscious and won’t just wear any old pair. 😬

It doesn’t need to be this complicated.

You just tell her that it doesn’t matter that she has bought a dress because if she doesn’t put in the effort to find/buy shoes to go with her she can’t go to the event.

I also have size 7-8 feet. Comfy favourites include:

Clarks (great brogues and boots, also lovely Mary Jane type work shoes but that's probably not her style, not too expensive and good quality)
Marks and Spencer (surprisingly trendy and come in wide fit options, super comfortable)
ASOS (order loads and send Mack the rejects, also great for long length jeans!)
Schuh (stocks loads of quite trendy but not too prissy type brands, I have some fab bright red brogues by red or dead from them)

Other colour trainers?

H&M do a ballet flat for £4 or £6. She can wear the dress, black thick tights and the shoe. At some point those shoes as cheap as they are will come in handy - work experience, some other event at school/college, interview for a Saturday job. She needs more than trainers.

She can always change out/into her trusty trainers to go to and fro, with cheapo ballerina flats for the event.

Throw a sicky and go for a nice lunch somewhere?

Shoes are useful on occasions sure, but given that it's tricky to find some for her shoe size and she's already dealing with anxiety, is it worth it?

Black shoes suitable for school can be worn to a funeral if she'd need to attend one and she's young enough that she won't have to attend a professional job interview just yet.

She wears sliders in summer so go for something similar to that but more dressy, strappy sandals or something

What a drama over nothing.

Just get a pair of plain black ballet flats from primark or h&m. Probably won't cost more than £10.

She wears them for a couple of hours. She'll cope.

Asos

We had a similar thing with my DD a couple of years ago, she lives in trainers and utterly refuses to have anything to do with any sort of feminine shoes.
We ended up with a pair of mary-jane type shoes with a chunky sole from Primark - they ticked the 'alternative' box but were just about normal enough to count as smart shoes.
They have since had a couple more uses (including her prom) and was really good to have them in the back of the cupboard and not have to go through the whole traumatic anxiety-ridden shoe shopping trip thing again.

@formerbabe.
yes it is a drama over nothing.

doesn't change the situation though. She isn't a drama queen and doesn't want to cause any attention on herself.

to me, its just seems over the top to have to buy shoes for a meal in the school hall.

When she has prom next year she would like to buy some high heels to go with her outfit. she cant get them now though because she would look over the top.

I have no idea how she is going to be able to walk in them though! ;)

It does seem pointless in the circumstances to buy something for a school lunch... if trainers are smart enough for school, they should accept they are smart enough for this. Even if you bought cheap flats from Primark/Shoezone, it's so wasteful if she's really only going to be wearing them once when we're all meant to consume less plastic tat.

Clarks is good for wide fit and has many mary-jane and loafer styles with soles that are as comfortable as trainers but look like smarter shoes. Obviously more expensive so would only make sense if she would then wear them regularly.

to me, its just seems over the top to have to buy shoes for a meal in the school hall.

Pretty much all kids own more than one style of footwear, so no, I would think you would be one of the only parents having to buy a suitable pair of shoes.

Sure, she might live in trainers, but she should have a pair for these kinds of events.

Fancy or just plain black flip flops or sliders?

If I were you I would actually complain to the school about the stupid show policy. How can they expect parents to afford to buy shoes for one meal? Not all 16 year olds will already own something appropriate.

I think it's ridiculous of the school to be so pedantic but I imagine they just haven't predicted a child literally not having any other shoes.

Point out the situation and that your DD will be excluded because of this policy and I imagine they will change their tune.

to me, its just seems over the top to have to buy shoes for a meal in the school hall

But the school hasn't said that...the only reason you have to buy shoes is because she only has trainers which is quite unusual. She should have a smarter pair anyway.

Sparkly converse? Trainer like but not if you see what I mean? Might be too narrow if she has wide feet though.

TK Maxx often have large and small size shoes/boots

Aren't 7-8s quite mainstream sizes in women's shoes now? I have the opposite problem of being off the scale for smallness, and no I don't have the same taste and sense of style as a 8-9 yo which is the average age of my size.

It's daft buying shoes for one not-so-special lunch, but being fully grown at that age, there will be occasions that require a smarter shoe over the next few years, work experience, interviews, any formal occasions where it is worth having something that can be grabbed out of the wardrobe.

Unfortunately my feet have expensive taste and prefer brands like Hotter and Ecco for comfort. M&S are also good for fussy feet. I can't wear slip ons like ballet pumps and cheap places like Shoe Zone really don't work for me.

ASOS always have a clearance section/bits on sale and they do size 7.5. If you’re wanting her to have some autonomy in this, and if you have time, you could sort through and “save items” in an appropriate style/price (you’d need an account) then she could choose a pair. If she’s going to sixth form, she’ll likely need shoes for university interviews or job interviews.

She should have a smarter pair anyway.

says who? she hasn't needed any until now and managed perfectly well.

you sound like the shoe police @formerbabe

she has 2.5 more years before she will be job hunting or interviewing

OP, if you don’t want to buy her shoes as you feel it’s not worth purchasing based off when she’ll actually need smart shoes in the future, then could you call the school and see if they will accommodate?
It’s a huge shame if they won’t, I’m sure some parents really can’t afford an out of the blue purchase of shoes.

Shoe police

Honestly, it is quite unusual for anyone to only have trainers.

I doubt the school said this thinking that parents will need to buy new shoes...they probably assumed kids would already have something fairly suitable.

It can't be that great for her feet though if she only has 1 pair of shoes?

Anything here suitable?

https://www.everything5pounds.com/en/Shoes/c/shoes?q=%3Arelevance%3AsizeFacet%3AUK%2B7%2B1%252F2%3AsizeFacet%3AUK%2B7.5%3AsizeFacet%3AUK%2B8&sort=relevance&page=1
What sort of dress does she have?