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Original poster

Would you let you DS 14 nearly 15 take alcohol to a friends?

85 replies

Overseasmom100 · 30/11/2019 18:13

So DS is going to a party/hang out at a friends tonight. The friend is a girl wgo is part of his social circle...parents there and it's from 7pm and they said everyone to go home by -11.30pm. He has asked if can take a pizza, some capri suns AND 2 cans of dark fruits.

I was surprised. He has told me he has tried the cider before and doesnt really like it so I said well why then. He said he doesnt mind one.

I know alot of my friebds ler their kids dtonk the odd one at parties, in the summer. He is a sensible boy and does a competitative sport so know he wouldnt be stupid.

Just wanted to know a few peoples views.

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 30/11/2019 19:29

I hate all this 'drinking in a safe environment bollocks'. Why is alcohol presented as a fait accompli? Especially as rates of young people who drink are going down
It's not presented as a fait accompli.

It's something a teen has asked to do that's legal and they'll be under the supervision of appropriate adults. Drinking alcohol can be done in moderation or excess and allowing teens to see that one or two social drinks is entirely sociable isn't the end of the world.

I was allowed sensible appropriate exposure to alcohol, some of my fri new weren't. I was the one usually looking after the inebriated friends whose parents said "no alcohol, it's so inappropriate".

Cauliflowerhead · 30/11/2019 19:34

No because it’s illegal and he is still classed as a child.

Alcohol is a poison. It’s not meant for young people. I don’t know why parents think it’s ok to allow their children to get used to the taste of alcohol. No one likes their first drink. They just learn to like it to follow the the crowd.

BrokenWing · 30/11/2019 19:36

I don't imagine it's that easy for a 14 or 15 year old to get alcohol these days

Easier then you think, kids are not short of cash there days, they either ask someones big brother
/sister/cousin/cool parent 😎 to get it, or they go into town and offer a local homeless/drug addict (local problem in our town centre) a couple of quid to go in and buy it for them. If they are lucky they buy it and dont run away with all their money.

We started buying ds a couple of cans when he had a supervised party (gaff) at parents I knew when he was nearly 16, he has only asked for them twice, he has no interest in hanging about drinking Mad Dog outside like a few of his school mates. As long as he stays sensible i would rather that than he sources his own. He asked at 14 and earlier 15 was told no way and was okay with that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

14 year olds

LolaSmiles · 30/11/2019 19:41

No because it’s illegal and he is still classed as a child.
Not the case at all. From DrinkAware

It is not illegal:
For someone over 18 to buy a child over 16 beer, wine or cider if they are eating a table meal together in licensed premises.
For a child aged five to 17 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises

From Gov.uk
It’s illegal to give alcohol to children under 5.

It's one thing for people to have different views and quite another to start claiming legal conduct is illegal

Northernsoullover · 30/11/2019 19:41

lola do you think alcohol addicts are happy to be that way? I guarantee you they aren't. Did they ever think they would end up addicted? I can guarantee you they didn't. I provide peer to peer support to people with an addiction to alcohol. Some have suffered terrible trauma. The others just partied their way into addiction. I'm sick of this alcho-centric society we live in.

LolaSmiles · 30/11/2019 19:55

lola do you think alcohol addicts are happy to be that way? I guarantee you they aren't. Did they ever think they would end up addicted?
Of course not.

Except this thread isn't about alcohol addiction.

It's about whether people agree or disagree with teens consuming a small alcohol if they would like to under the supervision of appropriate adults.

I very rarely drink (when not pregnant you're lucky if I have a glass of wine or two on special occasions every few months) and don't like binge drinking. I also don't like the larger lout culture.

However that's separate to people opting to teach their teens that if they would like to consume an alcoholic drink that you do so sensibly.

This whole thread is a bit like baby and bathwater, and like I mentioned up thread I find it hilarious and illogical that some parents are so uptight over a supervised drink but think nothing of giving their kids unlimited internet access and social media from 12/13.

AnguaResurgam · 30/11/2019 20:18

I do think it would helpful if posters on threads such as these should declare if they have (or recently have had) mid teen DC!

You cannot singlehandedly turn back the party culture. You can mitigate it. Which means things like checking if the host's parents really will be on the premises and surveilling what is happening.

Ano think about whether you want your DC at an unsupervised party at all. Because if you are in city, or county lines area, alcohol might be the least of your worries.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 30/11/2019 20:22

At 16/17 yes. I think at 14/15 I would have been less keen. I also would want to know the host parents were ok with it. Although I know at that age you may not know the parents, which does make it harder.

LolaSmiles · 30/11/2019 20:23

AnguaResurgam
ImTeen threads on here sometimes make me chuckle because I can imagine what we see/hear in school is totally different to what some of the parents think.
We hear all sorts from students and it sure doesn't match the dominant claims on MN about how their DC would never touch alcohol, alcohol is a poison, they'd never send rude texts, never look at porn, have no awareness of sex, etc.

DariaMorgendorffer · 30/11/2019 20:25

DariaMorgendorffer · 30/11/2019 20:27

Have mid-teen dc.

Mum2jenny · 30/11/2019 20:30

Not an issue either way, I’d be ok with my dc doing this or a friend visiting mine doing this. Not a big deal imo.

Lunafortheloveogod · 30/11/2019 20:31

If you don’t want to don’t.
If you’re not sure he’s telling the truth call the parents and ask.

Beware of any vodka going off or tea smelling whiskeys in your cupboard. One day my mother will open hers or maybe she’s already chucked them (it’s been over 10years) and the water will have turned to vodka common teen tricks same with getting someone to jump in.

SouthWestmom · 30/11/2019 20:32

No. 16 onwards in this house, not negotiable, some alcohol beforehand with family very very rarely.

Northernsoullover · 30/11/2019 20:34

Lola if people didn't start drinking then they wouldn't end up addicted FFS. Then again if parents drink regularly I guess its modelled behaviour.

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/11/2019 20:36

No and a thousand times no.

Trewser · 30/11/2019 20:36

Why on earth should the friends parents have to "supervise" them learning to drink responsibly?

Perhaps the parents want a bottle of wine and to relax themselves!

CherryPavlova · 30/11/2019 20:37

No. Absolutely not.

RedskyToNight · 30/11/2019 20:39

At 14 I would be saying no. Just too young.

DS is about to turn 16 (so, yes, I do have a mid teen). DH and I have agreed that if he asks we would let him take a small amount of alcohol if under similar circumstances to those described by OP. At the age of OP's son he went to no parties with alcohol. Some of his friends did drink at that age, but the majority still didn't.

Trewser · 30/11/2019 20:39

lolasmiles I know teachers love to think they know the "real" teens, but perhaps some of what you hear is embroidered bollocks to look cool in front of their mates?

cptartapp · 30/11/2019 20:43

I have an almost 15 year old DS and no I wouldn't. DS1 took alcohol when turning 16 and even then I was uncomfortable with it.

BackforGood · 30/11/2019 20:47

@AnguaResurgam I've had 3 go past this stage, and its a "No" from me.

When they are 16/ 17/ 18 and going to 6th form parties - yes.
At 14, then it was a no.

At 14, on a special occasion, with the family, they might have tried something at home. But not taking out to parties.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 30/11/2019 20:51

I have a 14 nearly 15 DS who very occasionally (maybe three times this year?) has a beer at home but I wouldn't be happy with his taking alcohol to a party. Mind you, he's not a party animal and tends to make an excuse when he gets invited so I can't see its being an issue here. Now DD1 when she gets to this age...

LolaSmiles · 30/11/2019 21:54

I know teachers love to think they know the "real" teens, but perhaps some of what you hear is embroidered bollocks to look cool in front of their mates?
It's not about loving to know "real teens". I haven't got any time for staff who get too matey with the students and nobody working with teens is stupid enough to think teens don't play to their mates at times. Give us the tiniest bit of recognition that we weren't born yesterday.

Does the occasionally showing off downplay the pastoral conversations? The mentoring chats? The friends who come to staff seeking advice to support a friend? The students who are upset or offloading at break that you hear on duty? The things students share when you're following up other incidents? The contributions they make in PSHE that are thoughtful and insightful but absolutely demonstrate a knowledge of things that countless people on MN claim their children know nothing about? The advice they seek from staff on sensitive issues and situations? The questions they ask staff?

Probably not.

What I'm saying is that when you spend your working week with hundreds of teenagers over time, you get a fairly good idea of what goes on and the awareness that comes at different ages (whereas if you went off MN it's a case of either everyone is having sex and drinking at 14 so you should allow sleepovers with boyfriends/girlfriends otherwise they'll shag in bus stops, or there's no way on earth that banning my 15/16 year old from something will mean they could lie to me, they'd never lie to me because they just aren't interested in dating properly at their age and they'd never be inclined to so much as try alcohol because we've told them is poisonous and will cause life long addiction problems if they do)

user1487194234 · 30/11/2019 21:57

No from me
16 yes.probably.14 is too young IMO

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