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Am I having a midlife reawakening or a personality transplant??

70 replies

Petals23 · 29/11/2019 19:05

I'm 44. Lately, I just do not care what people think of me any more, I don't go to things I don't want to and I speak my mind. For a long time before this I was a people pleaser! I actually don't know what's happened to me. Also, even though periods have become heavier they only last 2 days... could I be premenopausal?

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RandomMess · 29/11/2019 19:11

Welcome to the world of peri menopause...

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Craftycorvid · 29/11/2019 19:18

Welcome to finding your power, OP. I am on the other side of the meno’ transition now and it has much to recommend it - giving very few fucks about the unimportant stuff; speaking my mind; playing by my rules - it is all quite new to me, having been such a bloody good girl and people pleaser.

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TheRedShoes75 · 29/11/2019 19:20

I’m 44 and I’ve started to wonder if I’m losing the plot. I do not care anymore about what people think. I’ve said no to all work Christmas parties because I just do not want to go. And I’m getting far, far more assertive about saying no. Can’t tell if it’s hormones or just getting old enough to not care what other people think and to have a sense of my own worth aside from other people’s opinions.

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Petals23 · 29/11/2019 21:48

@20TheRedShoes75
My thoughts exactly... I too have started to wonder if I'm losing the plot. We're the same age... must be the time for it! Good to hear I'm not alone.

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egontoste · 29/11/2019 21:52

Embrace it. It's quite liberating actually...

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Squidsister · 29/11/2019 21:59

Yes! Me too. I am 47 though. I have stopped worrying what people think of me. It’s definitely a liberation.
I stopped posting stuff on Facebook, and realised that a lot of the stuff other people post is just showing off, or neurotic.
I actually feel like a weight has been lifted.

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FlatheadScrewdriver · 29/11/2019 22:04

budge up, I've got all that going on and an increasingly spreading backside. I started saying no years ago, but am doing it without any regrets these days. May need to keep a lid on the road rage though as a white van driver actually reared back at the anger on my face when he carved me up in a queue this week - not the face he was expecting to see!

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SugarMiceInTheRain · 29/11/2019 22:26

I'm looking forward to that. I'm 38 and too much of a people pleaser. It's starting to make me miserable and I wish I didn't care what others thought. Next Christmas I'm going to say no to a lot more.

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northerngirl2012 · 29/11/2019 22:37

I’m 47 & thought it was just me. Don’t care two hoots of what others think now, so much more liberating!

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AppleOrchard · 29/11/2019 23:46

I'm 49 and love this new, strange phrase of not giving a fuck!
I've been a people pleaser, doormat, martyr with no self respect or self worth - not any more and it's wonderful!

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Campervan69 · 29/11/2019 23:50

I'm 50 in a week and I'm loving this new fierce DGAF me. After years of trying to make sure everyone likes me. I just don't care anymore. It is truly liberating. All my good friends have stuck with me long enough that I know they like me whatever. Anyone else will have to take me as I am

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AppleOrchard · 30/11/2019 05:44

Happy Birthday next week Campervan69!! You're halfway there, got another 50 years with your DGAF attitude - have a blissful timeGrin

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puds11 · 30/11/2019 06:31

Yey!! I’m always pleased when someone enters the world of the straight talkers and stops trying to please other people. Welcome, it’s wonderful.

Do note that people pleasers will now make you want to scream.

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blackcat86 · 30/11/2019 06:40

This is already creeping in and I'm only 33! It happened after a very traumatic birth and postnatal period with my now toddler. Everyone was so bloody unsupportive that I thought do you know what fuck you all. So far I've only spent £70 on small but thoughtful xmas gifts, cant be bothered with xmas cards, went PT at work and have been taught the phrase "how helpful do you think that is to me right now" when someone say some cf or monumentally stupid/offensive thing. I keep being asked what happened to me. I feel like I just woke up from the matrix.

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AppleOrchard · 30/11/2019 06:48

Yes puds11! I'm often shouting and rolling my eyes at TV characters 'Get some self respect girl!' and 'WTF' in a way I never used too!
woke up from the matrix is a great resemblance, also being like a phoenix rising from the ashes (of cringingly and sometimes frighteningly desire to please) albeit a phoenix now with grey hair and bunions!Smile

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CallSignCharlie · 30/11/2019 07:37

I’m reading this thread with admiration and envy

I’m 46 ( post menopausal) and in recent years I’ve gone totally the other way . I’ve always been fairly easy going but I now I spend so much time worrying about upsetting people it’s ridiculous!!!

I was so looking forward to the DGAF years . I’m going to keep reading this thread for inspiration .

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AppleOrchard · 30/11/2019 10:02

Imagine feeling like this at 18! or 21 or in yr 30's!
I'm not rude or unkind, just not suffering fools gladly anymore, or wasting my time or money.
I'm hoping it's rubbing off on my DD14, she still doesn't like to say an assertive 'no thanks' in fear of letting people down, then gets in an tearful, anxious mess trying to get out of what she's agreed to.

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DisplayPurposesOnly · 30/11/2019 10:05

I think it's more finding the plot than losing it.

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Woollycardi · 30/11/2019 10:07

Oh I wish I could sit on that bench with you, I'm getting there. I am currently in a sort of 'fuck everything' state but still trying to bypass that by people pleasing on the sly. Like some sort of guilty secret affair. I can't wait to drop this shit. Think I might end up as a hermit but at least I will no longer be ignored or dumped on.

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TheVanguardSix · 30/11/2019 10:22

I'm 47 and I've historically given way too much of a fuck what others think, pleasing people until the bends set in, making myself even more unhappy because I made choices to make others happy, an untruthful choice.
I live in truth. I care about others. I'm still a very kind, giving person, but I know when to raise the drawbridge and give myself time. I have always needed lots of me time. I am quite internal as a person anyway. In my 40s, I feel totally ok with saying 'no thanks' or 'I'm unable to.'
Secretly, I still care, but I'm able to tell myself, 'You can't care what others think. What's done is done. Decision made. Yesterday's gone', all of that. You just have to save your energy and determination for big stuff.
What also comes with this stage though is the ability to see how many people are constantly taking the piss, asking for too much of you. I was told yesterday, "You have difficulty planning things." It really made me angry because I thought, "You have difficulty accepting my No Thanks." This is a person who is a good person, a friend I care about but I no longer put their needs before my own. People react to strongly to that. They notice you're looking after you and they really don't approve.
Bravo Blackcat. Embrace it! Stay true to yourself.

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Wishimaywishimight · 30/11/2019 10:31

Same here - it's great. I was asked by my boss if I wanted to attend a work event (in no way related to my job or department - the org had paid for a table at an event and there were a few places available). I said 'no thanks', she asked why and I said "I don't fancy it". There was silence for a few seconds then she laughed and said "Fair enough". A couple of years ago I would have felt obliged to attend.

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scrabblecrazy · 30/11/2019 10:32

Reading this is almost as if I've found my team mates!!
I thought it was an age thing, and in a way of being a push over for my entire adult life, I'd "used up all my fucks"
I'm never rude, or nasty, but in the last 12 months boy am I straight to the point!

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AppleOrchard · 30/11/2019 10:46

When I said I'm not rude or unkind, I meant
not outloud!Grin
And I'm so cynical now, people will take the piss if allowed too!
Giving a silent pause when listening to bullshit feels so much better than trying to make them feel good at my expense.

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yellowallpaper · 30/11/2019 11:09

Welcome to the world of being yourself and not other people's expectations of you

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