Am I having a midlife reawakening or a personality transplant??

[Petals23]

I'm 44. Lately, I just do not care what people think of me any more, I don't go to things I don't want to and I speak my mind. For a long time before this I was a people pleaser! I actually don't know what's happened to me. Also, even though periods have become heavier they only last 2 days... could I be premenopausal?

[questioningwhy]

sounds like a change for the best doing what you want and saying whats on you're mind i've been doing that for years and i feel great, don't know about the period thing though

[marvellousnightforamooncup]

I'm exactly the same. It's so liberating.

[Danielradcliffesperfectarse]

Does anyone think that peri menopause could make you literally gate your husband... Because that is me right now!

[kenandbarbie]

I'm the same. I just do what I want now. I know I'm right!

[NomDeQwerty]

Welcome!
The next levels involve the acquisition of the Nail Your Arse to the Floor Stare and the Cloak of Invisibility.

[TheRedShoes75]

I think I already have the Cloak of Invisibility (wrinkles, some grey hair) and I am definitely developing that stare. No wonder men are scared of us at this age. Like a PP said, it would have been bloody awesome to feel like this at 21. I’d be in charge of the universe by now

[TheRedShoes75]

PS thank god it’s not just me losing the lot. I very much like the idea of finding the plot instead

[rose69]

When I'm old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me

[WildfirePonie]

I'm the same but in my late thirties. I used to be a people pleaser and could never say no but now I always say no and don't do anything that I don't want to do! It's great!

[TheTickingTime]

Welcome, it's nice to find a fellow perimenopauser, in this club, be prepared to find a rare backbone, heaps of laughter and tears, without knowing why, and geral I don't give a fuck attribute to mindless comments. Happy Times ahead. I joined this club about a year ago. In this time I have changed jobs, thrown out a cocklodger, say it like it is but more empathetically and smile more, because I am no longer hung up on what others think.

[AppleOrchard]

A lot of it, for me, comes from not wanting to please men anymore.
I'm no longer interested in sex nor need validation from a man to feel worthwhile. At last!
I sank very low to find this out but the new inner strength and contentment and confidence is a wonderful silver lining.

[Yorkshiremum17]

According to my DH, there's diplomatic and then there's Yorkshiremum diplomatic 😊😜. Apparently my diplomatic is a bit more plain speaking than it should be!
I cannot be arsed to be nice to people just to make them feel better

[thenightsky]

Wait till you hit 50 OP. Its liberating. My three monthly appraisals at work actually became useful because for the first time in my working life I wasn't afraid of telling the truth. I was a quiet little mouse until then. I even found the courage to become a union rep and get angry on other people's behalf .

Strangely, my road rage disappeared and I became far more laid back about things I could not do anything about.

[Bluerussian]

I don't know about you being perimenopausal but you have certainly matured in a really positive way. You're happy in your own skin which is marvellous.

Embrace it!

[Dad1982]

I'm 54 & have really started to become assertive & not giving a shit what anybody thinks about me including my wife & family. I've spent so many years going without & being a yes man, settling for what I got. I don't feel like I've lived, just existed & gave everything away and for little, & being granted less. I've seen alot of things recently that have reminded me of how short life can be & questioned my own mortality. So from now on in going to give less than a fuck about pleasing other people & start looking after myself.

[BSintolerant]

Here’s our song:

It’s called, “I’ve no more fucks to give” written and performed by Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq.

I stopped giving a fuck in my early 20s when someone close to me died very suddenly. Made me realise that life’s too bloody short and I was going to live it on my terms. It’s made me unpopular with the people pleasers of this world but I’m happy, especially as they all stay away.

[managedmis]

blackcat86

^^

I'm the same as you but 4 years older. I'm passed giving a shit really

[Fairenuff]

I've been like this for years. I think it's why I don't understand people who say they have to do things they don't want to when clearly they don't.

[hippoherostandinghere]

I'm 35 and spent the last 20 years worrying far too much to the point of anxiety but the joy of not giving a fuck has come over me beautifully. A staff member I'd never met before was really cheeky to me in the copy room the other day and it sailed right over my head. Never been so proud of myself! I'm embracing it.

[Diddledoodledoo]

Omg I would love to give less fucks. Do I have to wait another 10 years to get there though?! I'm only 29
I am such a people pleaser and take everything so personally... I pray for the day that will end!

[SignOnTheWindow]

Yep. I'm 41 and have been like this for about 2 years. Bloody love it. Roll on the next few decades, I say. Never been happier.

[Petals23]

One thing I am really enjoying is embracing my introvert self! I need a lot of me time and before I used to say yes to things I didn't want to do, whereas now if I feel like curling up with a book (which I feel like doing a lot) I do it. I'm not a big drinker and could happily go without but if I was out I felt I should have a drink, people saying 'ah go on' etc. Not any more! I also can't cope with a lot of small talk/drama/gossip lately. I'm enjoying this new phase of my life.

[Stooshie8]

Yes. Me too.
I'm so envious of people who have been selfish and not cared all their lives!!
I read that it is due to the reduction in oestrogen levels (which encourages nurturing of others) - this made me wonder if teenage girls are able to choose the best role in life if their brains are being washed with oestrogen 'caring' hormones in their teens. So they choose to be nurses, or nursery school workers despite all the effort to get them into maths, engineering. I also wonder how much hormone contraception influences our moods and behaviour.

[blueshoes]

I've been like this for years. I think it's why I don't understand people who say they have to do things they don't want to when clearly they don't.

I am like this. I wish people would speak their mind more and not hold back but flake out later by cancelling or not doing the thing they promised.

I don't count myself as a people pleaser, just someone who gets the job done. Now that I am past 50, I am actually more tolerant and less likely to kick up a fuss.

I have work in a fairly male industry (certainly at the top levels) and love maths and physics.

I don't think it is to do with hormones and would hate to think women end up doing nursing, caring jobs (they would not otherwise choose) just because of hormones. That is just bad bad careers advice and social conditioning.

[Orangeblossom78]

I think as well as hormones it is something some of us are expected to do from an early age. For example I was always taught to 'put others first' from my own mum.