How to explain I'm pissed off without seeming ungrateful.

[Florencenotflo]

I'm pissed off with DH but I want to know if I'm being ungrateful or not. It's my 30th Birthday soon, I don't want a big fuss making I hate being the centre of attention. When DH asked what I would like to do, I said I'd like to go out for a meal with all our family. There is a lovely local pub near my mum and dad which has a play area for Dd. Anyway, long story short something else has been planned. I only know snippets because my nan has mentioned something that she wasn't supposed to. I'm guessing a weekend away, possibly with all our family and quite possibly about a 4 hour drive away.

Now while this sounds lovely we have a nearly 4 year old and a 3 month old. A weekend away with those two is a bit of a busmans holiday, same shit different place. But I get how DH will have thought it would be nice so I'll have a lovely time no doubt.

Anyway, today I get a text notification from our bank (some sort of authorisation code) DH has spent nearly £170 on ticket master. He didn't realise the code went to my
Phone number and called me to get it. I asked what it was for, he said my birthday. He doesn't know that the text said ticketmaster on it. I'm pissed off because he asked me the other night if I liked x band. I said no not really, I could probably only name one song of theirs. DH then said "oh I'd love to see them" I said to him that we couldn't afford it right now anyway. I'm on mat leave and money is tight anyway this time of year.

It's really annoyed me. More because there was a band I wanted to see last year, but at £60 a ticket I couldn't justify that amount of money so I didn't go. But he's spent £170 on a band I wouldn't even buy the fucking album of! And it's my birthday present. So I'm meant to be grateful. To him he's bought something thoughtful and expensive and yes we will probably have a nice day together. But £170!!!

I think it's annoying me more because he has a habit of doing things for my birthday that are actually things he wants to do. Last year he took me to a spa for my birthday, which sounds lovely. But I fucking hate spa's and he knows that! And I was pregnant, so
I couldn't use the steam room, sauna etc even if I wanted to. So I spent the two days we were there reading my book in the bar area.

Am I being ungrateful? I really want to ask him to cancel the tickets.

Pfft, £170 on a band! There's no way in this world I'd pay that amount unless I really really really wanted to see them, had loved them for years and dreamed of seeing them etc.
We paid £320 for two Eagles tickets last year, decent bands are not cheap.

Actually was this year.

I expect that you’re actually perfectly fine at explaining how you feel, it’s just that he doesn’t want to hear it!

Damn right, @fedup21.

@Florencenotflo if he knows that you know he's got tickets for 'something' I would casually mention in a jokey way 'it better not be that bloody band you asked me about the other night, I can't bloody stand them' and see what his reaction is.

I'm going to see the Killers in June and they will be bloody spectacular (seen them before) so for that YABVVVU! 🤣

@ThatsMeInTheSpotlight but why on earth choose a band she has no interest in, and can’t get that involved with because she doesn’t know the songs? She asked for a quiet meal with family. Not for him to waste a small fortune on tickets for a band she doesn’t like, or to take her with little ones on a 4 hour drive? It might be the only band with tickets available but there was another perfectly good option which didn’t involve so much time or money. The PND doesn’t have anything to do with it. If he really wanted to do something for her, he’d have chosen something she wants to do, not what he wants to do.
I’m in the same boat without spare cash like that so I know how gutted I would be if my partner spent so much organising that when we couldn’t afford it.

I expect that you’re actually perfectly fine at explaining how you feel, it’s just that he doesn’t want to hear it!

Yep!

I would say that you know he made a ticketmaster purchase because it came through from the bank, and say 'I hope it's not for the Killers because I've told you I don't like them' and leave it there.Then he has to sort it out.

The main problem is, he now doesn't need to convince you that you're ungrateful because you've already started on yourself.

He meant well, he just wants us to spend time together, he's been working extra blah blah blah.

He ignores everything you say regarding the one time of year that should only be about you and that's massive.

That sounds shit

I feek awful now as i bought my ds one republic tickets a couple of years ago for one of his christmas presents ( i love them myself), ive done it again this year with tickets for the theatre seeing peter pan goes wrong

I immediately thought bowling ball...

He is not being kind and generous or thinks you will enjoy it. He fucking well knows you wont, but doesn't give a shit because it's what he wants to do so bollocks to what you would like. He also knows you won't challenge him on it, so it's win win for him.

@Evilspiritgin
Does he actually want those things? If he wants them then it's fine for you to like it too and go with him... But if he's old enough then usually you'd buy him tickets and let him take whoever he wants to take. It's his present, not yours.

Sorry, been bathing kids and feeding the baby. He's returning the tickets now. They aren't my birthday present, he just wanted to get us away for a night, luckily he hadn't booked the hotel yet. He has to put his annual leave in (as much of it as possible) by the end of December, so he thought it would be good to get a night away booked in.

We're going to look for a show instead.

I have said to him that if he can find a friend to buy the other ticket then he's welcome to go, but he's happy to refund them instead.

Hope your chat went ok OP?

Sorry cross post

Florencenotflo You're welcome. Glad your chat went well

The cooling off period must be fairly recent. But the consumer forums were always full of complaints about not being able to refund tickets.

I'm not sure this was the first time I've ever used Ticketmaster, I realised instantly afterward it was the wrong show I'd booked and this is what it said in the help section.

@Newcatmum I've also noticed that on the AXS app (which is for tickets at the O2 arena) there is an official resale option if want to sell your tickets. Which means you re-sell them through the official website rather than onto a third party seller.

Yes I've bought returned tickets through ticket master. Great service! I got the very last 2 tickets to see Eddie Izzard which made me very happy indeed.