Anyone regretted never having a 3rd baby?

[brushups]

Or did you find peace and happiness with your decision to stop at 2?

I am so lucky and blessed to have 2 beautiful DDs especially as it wasn't easy for us to conceive and there was a time I thought I'd never have children.

However, ever since I can remember I've always wanted 3 DC. I'm an only child who grew up without cousins or anything like that so it was pretty lonely.

Our problem is finances.. 2 is safe for us, we can have nice holidays, live in a small house but in a nice area etc., adding a third child to our family will stretch us. My DH is also mid40s now so it needs to happen soon if at all.

Will I forever regret never having my third and final baby or will I eventually at some point learn to feel complete with 2?

Just me then thinking about this stuff

I'm pretty secure with only 2 but I may not be your target audience as my youngest is only 3 and I'm 35 so plenty of time left in which to develop angst ;)

Ive just had a 3rd.
Lots of extra expense... New car. Had an extension. We won't be doing big holidays for a while. But we had no question about having another. I think if there's doubt then the answer is no.
3 has been hard especially as the middle on is 3 so tricky age. But I've no regrets.

Yes and no. We both said three but have stopped at 2. But our eldest has SN and twins run in my family. Head vs heart!

After 2 preemies there is no way I would risk a 3rd pregnancy. I worried I might regret it, but as time goes on I'm grateful that I don't have to go through that again.

Like the poster above. I had two very small and premature babies. Left me with life threatening illnesses after the last pregnancy went very wrong. Nearly died in my first

I wish wish I could of had a third. I think about it everyday. Without fail. I would do it. My friend has 11 children. She says after 2 it gets easier.

I desperately wanted a third and we did. However it has been, and is, really hard and although I wouldn't change things I do wonder why we have made life even more complicated for ourselves. Everything is set up for families with two children, from multiples of food, cars, family tickets, hotel rooms etc etc. And trying to care for three siblings of differing ages and cater for all their varied needs is challenging (God knows how people have even more). And there is often two against one when arguments occur. Just be prepared for the challenges!

I regretted it for a few years as I was one of 3 so thought that was the "right" number of children. In retrospect, I'm so glad that I didn't as my ex dh was a complete flake and it would have adversely impacted on my life and more importantly my two kids lives.

Now I'm completely at peace with it and really enjoy the children as they get older as I'm not constrained by a younger one and all the costs/ hassle.

I am slightly whistful sometimes that I didn't get to experience new born parenthood with my current partner as it would be a lovely supportive experience unlike with my ex but that is a completely selfish reason to have a child

With three you always have an odd one out. I think families are better in even numbers. Speaking as one of three!

No regrets. I had two painful pregnancies, an unpleasant labour with EMCS and a VBAC with birth injuries that took their toll for months. If I could have pulled off a second 2yr age gap, I would but by the time my body felt ready, we were past the worst of the toddler years and life was simplifying a little.

DH was getting older and less energetic and I think #3 would have pushed our luck a little.

3 would compromise the lifestyle we have for 2. DS1 is also not the easiest and most straightforward of children so another in the mix would be hard going. DS1 & DS2 are evenly matched when it comes to sibling disputes, and share interests and make natural buddies when the wind is in the right direction.

Biologically, it's not too late, but socially it is.

Yes, I do!

I think unless you have a lot of family support, with people willing to help ferry dc to their extra curricular activities, it's best to stick with two.

I'm one of three and it was a bit shit at times. We weren't allowed treats when out and about because it's not just one small cost it's times three. (My dad forever repeated this line!). None of us were allowed to have hobbies because they couldn't get us to our separate hobbies after school/work/at weekends. So they had a strict, nine of us could until we were teens and could get the bus/lifts etc. Whereas I suppose with two parents you can just take one each and no ones missing out.

I also had to share a room with my sibling which was fine as young dc but beyond awful as teens and we are very distant now as a result.

The age gap is also something to consider, it was really frustrating as an older child to be restrained to nap times and toddler activities when there's a 7 year age gap. Que lots of dragging heels and crap days out!

Maybe it was just my childhood and family dynamic.... but as much as I love my younger sibling it's definitely the reason I'm sticking with 2!

I have 2 dc who are now 9&7. When my youngest was 5 two close friends with dc the same age had a third and I regretted it a bit ( not happening as DH adamant he only wants two). But actually, once those friends’ babies stopped being portable I was glad I’d stuck at two. Just can’t do that constant supervision thing again, especially around water ( live in Asia do pools everywhere). Enjoying my two growing up but in a good way- ie enjoying new stages but not wishing their lives away!

Forgot to mention the ganging up. 2 vs 1.

It would never be the same two people, but when we were squabbling there was always two vs one and the battles lasted ages.

I think if there's only 2, they usually get over it quicker and stop because they want someone to play with.

I've been a bit like you op umming and aahing about a third for ages. My DC are 7 and 4.5 though and life is much easier in many ways. DS recently started school - he's turned out to be a bit of a complex character and has needed quite a lot of support starting school so I'm glad I haven't got a baby or toddler knocking around now while we give him a bit more of our attention.
I think I will always wish I had had a third, but my head won over my heart and I know we have much more financial and emotional security as we are. DD and DS are good little pals these days too and our family feels balanced and happy. Adding a third isn't necessary. Biologically I have time but we won't do it.

We thought we wanted three... Then we had a really hard first baby and began thinking maybe not. Then I had a pretty traumatic miscarriage and the only reason I went through pregnancy again was that we really wanted a sibling for our first child. She is unlikely to have any close in age cousins. The pregnancy was quite tough but we now have our baby and I feel well and truly done. If we had been ten t years younger maybe but it's so nice to just be able to enjoy my baby and know we are complete as a family.

My friend has 11 children. She says after 2 it gets easier

I struggle with one!

Aaah I really feel you with this question.

I have 10 year old twins, split up with bio dad when I was 8 wks pregnant. He never got in touch again (no maintenance etc). I got together with a long-term friend when the babies were about 6 months old. We are still together and my children consider him to be dad. He considers them his children as much as if they were bio.

They were unplanned, premature and poorly. At the same time they were born my dad had a terminal illness. I had to give up my job to care for my dad, and also the childcare I'd had planned wouldn't have worked as babies were too tiny/prem. So, amongst all of that I had to set up a business to pay the mortgage.

Dad then died when they were 3 yrs old. My son was diagnosed as autistic and dyspraxia (he goes to special school now as he really struggles). My daughter is going through the process of autism assessment now, I should have pushed for it years ago. My son is still like a 5 yr old in many ways, and my daughter is incredibly clingy (won't go ANYWHERE without me).

I missed so much of their early years dashing around, trying to keep a roof over our heads, caring for my dad, grieving for my dad, pushing for my son to get the medical help he needed. I consoled myself with the fact at least I'd get the chance to do it again - my DP and I agreed we wanted one between us.

The years ticked by. My son continued to struggle. My daughter's struggles became more evident. I work through the night to catch up on work so I'm constantly sleep deprived.

It would be fucking madness to have another baby. Plus me and DP never get time together, it's only just starting to happen. He said no more children especially as I am at risk of having Huntington's Disease. He wants to have some years for us to enjoy each other's company, plus we need to focus on the kids we do have who need us still very, very much.

He's right. Of course he's right. But OMG some days how I yearn for a baby again. I don't know how I will come to terms with it because I'm grieving for what I missed over those years. And I kind of realised that actually I don't necessarily want another baby, I actually want that lost time back again when I wasn't running around trying to do everything. I want that lost time with my kids once more to properly appreciate it.

I think the hormones in women can drive a biological desire for children and that kind of primitive response is hard to ignore. Doing the right thing, and the thing your ovaries want you to do aren't always one and the same haha!

Anyway, short answer is I get you. I imagine we'll just slowly feel less broody about it all and realise that another child might ruin the beautiful families we already have ❤️

Exhausted Just for you.

I wanted more than two but DH didn't. I felt for a few years that I had been denied something, but then one day suddenly I realised that I would be horrified if I found myself to be pregnant. I felt relieved to have the baby days over and really enjoyed the company of my two and their relationship with each other.

I genuinely feel glad we stopped at two now and happy D H and I have a little time for each other.

Total change of heart.

@LookImAHooman - thank you ❤️

I didn't actually expect anyone to read all of that. Got a bit carried away haha! But thank you.

I did, and it all made absolute sense! Every last limb and digit and joint is crossed that you’re gene negative and that your kids get the support they need as well.

When I was very young I always wanted 4 children but time passes and I found a partner much later and children later and so stuck with 2 trying to make their childhood special and with work and a self-employed dad working long hours but they have grown into lovely young people. Do I regret not having another? A tiny bit of me, but then I console myself with thinking about not using the resources of the planet.

Have two. Happy with two. No regrets. Three looks lots trickier.

I'm like you OP, been thinking about a third for years but I think now am slowly starting to come round to the idea that sticking with two is best. DD and DS are my absolute universe and we are so lucky to have them, so I feel a bit bad for wanting a third, but you can't help thinking about it. The main reasons against trying for a third for us are:

Practicalities with their various activities (my two are both quite into sport).
Money, especially school fees and holidays. Also thinking to the future, things like university fees and house deposits.
Cars, middle seat in my car is small. DH's car only has 2 seats in the back.
Age gap, as with a bigger age gap (which it would be if we had a third now) it's harder to arrange days out and activities.
Limited time and patience. With two, it's much easier to have one to one time as you just take one each.
Holidays seem to be disproportionately expensive for families of five or more.

I completely get how you're feeling, it can be hard, but I'm going to focus on how lucky I am to have my two and on planning all the fun things we can do as a family of four. I feel like I might be ready to give away all the baby stuff soon, but haven't quite got to that stage yet!