Anyone regretted never having a 3rd baby?

[brushups]

Or did you find peace and happiness with your decision to stop at 2?

I am so lucky and blessed to have 2 beautiful DDs especially as it wasn't easy for us to conceive and there was a time I thought I'd never have children.

However, ever since I can remember I've always wanted 3 DC. I'm an only child who grew up without cousins or anything like that so it was pretty lonely.

Our problem is finances.. 2 is safe for us, we can have nice holidays, live in a small house but in a nice area etc., adding a third child to our family will stretch us. My DH is also mid40s now so it needs to happen soon if at all.

Will I forever regret never having my third and final baby or will I eventually at some point learn to feel complete with 2?

My bro and sil did
No 3 wasn’t an easy baby - no 1 wasn’t but as the only one it was fine, plus we didnt have dc and my mum and sil mum were well so lots of help. No 2 was a very easy baby
No 3 was demanding, we had a baby at a similar time (sil admitted it was one reason they had no3) so we couldn’t help, plus the grandmas were older and not as able to help
Also, most things are geared for families of 4 - cars, holidays etc
It’s all fine now the dc are 19,17 and 14 but no3 didn’t get the attention the others did growing up and his parents did admit to me/ my mum on more than one occasion that they thought it had been a mistakev

My dc3 was a 'surprise'. I found out at 17 weeks 😳 She's heaven. But 3 is an odd number, a pain in the arse really.
I'm one of 4 and you've always got someone. With 3, someone always seems left out.
I'd love to have a 4th to even the stakes but had a messy acrimonious divorce after dc3- not blaming that on the extra child, well not today anyway 🤣
But it is hard and 2 is just right.

I would have liked 3, but DH didn't. And both ours were bad sleepers, so by the time I felt physically able to do it again the age gap would have been bigger than I wanted. I still think "what if" (youngest is nearly 5) but I don't want to go through pregnancy (sickness, anxiety about the baby) again or chase a toddler around (so tedious). And we've been lucky to have two healthy children/pregnancies and easy births, I'd worry about pushing our luck if we did it again. Also we can easily afford 2 and have no family help nearby. Head over heart but I do feel a bit jealous of those with 3.

I have three and would have had four if DH had agreed. Now they are all teen / pre teens I am so glad we stopped at three - and to be honest it would have been a lot easier if we'd stopped at two!

I’m in the same boat as you, desperate for a third but worried about money and timing. It’s something that’s been on my mind for 5 years. I know I’ll regret not having the third but also worry I’ll regret going for it. Sometimes you have to follow your heart.

My 3rd DC is amazing & I would NEVER be without him but....

Lots of things would be easier with only 2 children. Holidays, hotel rooms, cars, houses, hobbies, time for homework/reading, holding their hands, taking them swimming etc etc etc

If you're happy with 2 stick to 2!

How does your husband feel about it ? Our 3rd was twins and one of them had a lot of health problems. So you both need to be really on board.

I have two, I'm 31 but I know I'm done, 100% I will not be having another, my OH has had a vasectomy we are that sure we are done.

I think two is a nice number, I actually don't think I'd cope with more, it's enough work as it is. We can afford things that friends with more children can't, days out are easy without a heard of children to sort out, I'm hoping when they are older I will be able to help them out, driving lessons, possibly towards a house deposit, which wouldn't be doable with more than two.

Those are my reason but even without the reasons I feel complete and content with two.

Everything is set up for families with two children, from multiples of food, cars, family tickets, hotel rooms, restaurants etc

This is very true.

Another issue with 3 children is often the slightly neglected middle child. In my experience the first born gets privileges and hike the 'baby' is protected and spoiled, whereas the middle one oftentimes feels a little left out.

Another benefit of two is you can easily split into groups of one adult with one child.

And there is the issue of rapidly growing world population..! Perhaps it makes sense for 2 people to have no more than two offspring?

I always wanted 3 but I’m now pregnant with my second and happy to stop after that. I know I’d love 3 but I also know I’d be committing us to a long time of financially struggling and i don’t want to be in a position where I can’t give my children the life I want to give them because we had one more. Having kids has been hard on mine and DHs relationship and I think a third would be more pressure than I want to put on us; we’d survive it but I want to do more than just survive the next few years.

I've read everyone's replies, thank you. It's such a tough one!

@ExhaustedFlamingo wow life has been tough for you  but I totally get when you say it's a biological desire, it's like my body is screaming at me "one more please!!"

@RandomUsernameHere your list is like my list! School fees, holidays, university fees, house deposits, first cars etc., we are just about in a position to give our children all of that but only just, I think if we add another it will take us right to the edge financially. DH has 2 DC from previous marriage who are now teens at boarding school, plus our two, that's 4x school fees already before we account for anything else! It's a lot of financial pressure on him (I'm currently SAH).

@Sandwichhhh I also get pangs of jealousy when I see families with 3DC. Will is ever go away do you think?!

I don't know if it will go away, but nowadays I also think about the work involved and don't feel jealous of that bit! It's weird, I lile my peace and own space, hate chasing toddlers, was really depressed when I was sleep deprived with babies... yet a bit of me wants that again?!

Desperately wanted three but DH didn’t. I still sometimes wish I had had three but I am very happy with my two.

I desperately wanted 3 but xh said no stick at 2....if I had known he was going to move out when they were 3 and 6 I would have dug my heels in and begged for a third! They are 11 and 14 and sometimes I still feel like I am one missing

I was soooo broody after no 2...like all I could think about was having no 3 etc etc. Then no 2 grew out of the baby years and now I can't think of anything worse than another baby

Think there's an instinct in us, to ensure the survival of the species but I've done my part. Thankfully the broodiness never came back.

No regrets. Considered a third for a while but soooo glad we stopped at two. I have two beautiful daughters who are blossoming into awesome young women and I feel happy and blessed enough with them 😊

I wanted four but couldn’t afford four which broke my heart. I lost one in between my first and second but I honestly don’t know if I’d have gone on to have another. A few years after my youngest (of 2) got through the baby phase I made peace with having two. Now that we’re in a position where we could afford four I would never even consider it.
Two is a nice amount, enjoy them and try not to pine for what could be/have been.

We wanted another but after DS1 was born at 32 wks, then 5 months on bedrest with DS2, and then a miscarriage when we tried for #3 we were advised to just stop and be happy with the two we had. Sure, for a few years I had 'twinges' of broodiness but it pretty much stopped when I was around 40. Looking back now I realize that two was just the perfect number for our little family.

Sometimes I feel I would like another. But if I really examine my feelings, I would actually like to go back in time and have a tiny baby cuddle with MY babies, not with another new child.

A third would take away more from my existing DC than it would add to their lives. They would have to share us, our time, our resources, their grandparents energy would be more thinly spread. If our third child had additional needs it's likely these would be even more pronounced.
Plus with two you can divide & conquer!

I felt a bit sad when I hit 40 as that was my personal cut off for having children, but it also allowed me to feel settled (and so incredibly lucky) with my beautiful two.

I have 2. Always wanted 3, but dh would take persuading and logic says no. 3 would be less money, more toll on my old body, less sleep, less attention for them etc. I also think I'm not as good a mum of 2 as i was with one (less patient)

. But emotionally i still stupidly want another. Or maybe as another pp said, what i actually want is my dc to be babies again for a while, rather than another child. Dc are 5 and 3 so a lot of people with similar aged children are having a third, and i always feel jealous.

in short, if we were 5 years younger, richer and had a lot of family support i would want to try, but as it is we wont. Interesting to hear a mix of opinions of people with older dc - i really hope i dont regret it, but you cant dwell on what might have beens

I thought I wanted two but didn't feel done after my second and had a niggle. I went back and forth and spoke to a a lot of people. What was resounding from those I asked who had two was any who considered a third and didn't go for it regretted it down the line. That swung it for me and I went for it. It was the best decision ever and I have two beautiful girls and a boy.

Some of you aren't particularly helping me 😝 I'm so utterly desperate for a third and worried I will regret it if we don't. But it will put a big strain on our finances and I don't want my DH to resent me for it.

I've just had my third (like, literally, she is four days old) and my view was that if things like holidays and needing a bigger car are big factors in the decision then you shouldn't do it. Those things weren't even in my head when deciding about a third, my concerns were more about whether I could be a good parent to three etc.

I wouldn't have done it with big age gaps, my oldest is 4 and I think anything bigger than 6 or 7 years means that they won't really be on the same page until the youngest is an adult.

The third pregnancy is another thing - I had no health problems with any of them but I still found the third one the toughest by a country mile.

Ultimately though, it's head versus heart. My heart won for me , but DH and I both wanted a third and I think if you're not both of the same kind or either needs convincing then you should stick at 2.