Ds just won’t eat. I’m at a total loss

[marshmellowed]

Ds won’t eat. He’s 22 m

We starter weaning just after 6 m. Purees the finger foods. I noticed he would appear to like something then would go off it totally. Finger food consistency thrown. That’s normal at first.
Refuses totally anything more lumpy threw it or screamed and refused. Spat out if ever put any in mouth

From about 12 m things got worse he won’t even try anything new he looks at it likes it’s not food? We try to eat the same to show him we are having it and it is food. He throws it.

I’m the kitchen one day he opened the cupboard and pulled things out one was a baby pouch so he clearly remembers and he gestured he wanted to eat it (he can’t talk yet) he had the whole thing and for 2 weeks after ate lots ! The he refused them again and screams if he sees the pouch

Same with his yogurts he will love or hate. He’s barely eating. A typical day is

Breakfast
Water and a bite of banana, a few smoothie melt snacks (he always seems to choke on banana)

(Used to offer toast or porridge, fruits etc it all gets thrown)

Won’t eat any snacks although always offered fruit water and a biscuit just ignored or throws

Lunch is pasta and chicken or a sandwich and cucumber
Maybe eats a slice of cucumber and one bite literally or throws the lot
Sometimes will have a yog tube (df as cmpa)

Refuses snacks

Dinner we offer what we are having he rarely touches a thing

Has an evening drink of milk and will usually drink that
Has a breastfeed before bed and one about 6am in morning

I’m thinking of asking for his 2 year check to be early ? Because he’s not eating
Will not take vitamins either screams and spits them out

Poor you; it's v stressful.

Where is he on height and weight chart?

Good book is 'just take a bite'. It goes into all reasons why kids may not eat and provides some strategies.

Betteryou.com does vitamin sprays. You spray onto inner cheek. I get my kids' vit d from here. Nothing to spit. You would need to make sure dose was appropriate but they may even do children's multi vit spray.

I really feel for you. It’s soul destroying. DD was the same. Couldn’t even tempt her by leaving chocolate buttons in a little bowl within reach. If you’ve tried everything and it sounds like you have and are being calm and not reacting to his refusal, I’d ask for a referral to someone who can help. DD didn’t improve and had issues around food into early adulthood. Back then there wasn’t any help other than doctors and HVs saying “She will eat when she’s hungry”. Well she wouldn’t and was bad tempered and tired. After that experience I’d say early intervention is no bad thing. It sounds as if he needs help accepting different textures and to realise food is fun.

25th centile for both so he’s doing ok which I am surprised at given the lack of calories
He is anaemic though

No he won’t eat chocolate I tried it thinking it would at least be calories 😔

We never tell him off we just calmly ask him to please stop throwing and we then clear up and finish the meal time

You sound to be doing amazingly. What surprised me was how DDs height and weight were also ok despite seemingly living on fresh air.

This was my DS, even down to the screaming when trying to get baby vitamins in him. So much food wasted, so much energy put into researching and prepping organic homemade this and that....all to go in the bin.

One thing at this age that would work was to feed him snacks as we were out and busy, like sat in the pushchair, where he was held in place and couldn't run off, when he was engaged looking around the streets and shops, me chatting nonsense to him, passing him bits of food. It took the stress and ritual out of having a 'proper' meal, and at least something went it.

And the snacks weren't healthy stuff btw, it was damn cheese puff things. If I ever see another wottsit..... I got to the point where something has to feed him even if its not the healthiest.

I would ask to speak to a health visitor for any advice (mine was rubbish and suggested I try with cows milk, even though I had just said it brings him out in intense eczema!). But maybe go with a detailed food diary of everything he has consumed.

BFing is still doing lots of good - I kept going with it too.

Don't be surprised if you get fobbed off by medical professionals for a long while.

He is a healthier eater now aged 9, but still has a delicate pallet, can't bear anything 'spicy' including things I think are mild like 'hot' flavor crisp. Creamy 'bland' things like mac and cheese go down well. I can't imagine him eating much salad any time soon, but I no longer worry about his intake.

DS1 was severely anaemic at 10mo (was apparently born without an iron store and it took a good 2 months plus HV intervention for the gp to take me seriously enough to get bloods done 🙄). He used to just scream at food, and throw it or spit it out. He was started on iron replacement (sytron), which he’d also try and spit out but eventually he did start eating.

The paediatrician said although he didn’t seem lethargic (theory was he’d been low on iron since birth as he was prem, and therefore used to it), eating solids was too much for him so he’d just refuse and scream. He got so used to refusing solids it became the norm for him. Once we got under way with the treatment, he did start on a couple of mouthfuls of yoghurt/porridge and slowly built up from there. Took a while to get there, and we added cream to a lot of foods to get his calorie intake up. Now he’s 8 and eats like it’s going out of fashion 😂

Will he eat/drink soups?
When you say pasta, do you mean shapes like penne or spaghetti? When DS was weaning he would only eat one of those tiny pasta stars at a time. Completely puréed sauce and one pasta star. Then he eventually progressed onto two stars on the same spoon 😂

Forgot to add, we gave up on mealtimes too to stop putting pressure on him. Just offered bits and pieces at random, sometimes just left snack type things on a plate in easy reach for him.

I had a baby who would take one bite then refuse to eat. I'd make something else and he'd do exactly the same. The HV pointed out that his stomach is actually really tiny and so one or two mouthfuls at a time was probably satisfying his hunger. So maybe he is getting a little more than you think.That only works though if your child isn't losing weight and gains at an expected rate.
I would go to the doctor so he can be fully checked over, just in case there's a medical reason.

Huge sympathies here as I am having the identical experience with my 20 month old. It is soul destroying seeing every meal rejected and thrown on the floor and the only thing passing his lips being the odd chocolate button or handful of teddy crisps (Jamie Oliver would need sedating if it was one of his children!). I am at a total loss having tried purees, baby led weaning, leaving bowls of snacks around to take the pressure off, feeding him in front of the ipad in the hope he will be so distracted he won’t realise he is eating - you name it I’ve tried it. Thankfully he loves a bit of boob so gets some calories from that but like pp’s mentioned he is anaemic and gets every bug going which I put partly down to his shocking diet. Anyway I’ve gone off on a tangent now but wanted so say I understand completely and realise how hard it can be emotionally. I particularly struggle when I see my friends children who will effortlessly knock back a plate of food and healthy snacks whilst mine rejects everything. Maybe we should start a support thread for tricky eaters?

You need a visit to the GP and possibly a referral to a specialist. There are some physiological reasons (e.g. problems swallowing or GERD) that affect children's ability to eat, which should be ruled out before anything else. He may also be low on iron which should be checked.

There are also many psychological reasons why DCs stop eating, e.g. past trauma and sensory sensitivities. If you are on FB join the Mealtime Hostage group, they are very helpful. Division of Responsibility (which you can read up about in the group or online) made a huge difference to us and while DS's eating is still limited, life is a lot less stressful for everyone and he has added foods to his safe foods over time.

From what you describe I would worry that your DS is in pain when eating so I think you need to start by eliminating a physical cause.

The combination of being non verbal at 22 months and resisting finger foods and lumps makes e wonder if a speech therapist could be helpful - speech therapists also deal with physical issues with eating and swallowing.

DD was like that. She either ate complete slop or finger food and anything she liked one day she wouldn't touch the next.

What I used to do was leave a plate of finger food at her height. Few slices of cucumber, piece of apple, crust of bread. If she was hungry she ate it.
She's now 16yo and eats well. My dream to wean eating everything offered as a baby and toddler is 18yo and is very restricted in what she choses to eat.

I wonder if a speech therapist might help too. It could be connected- the lack of speech and swallow issues. I hope you can get some help soon.

I can't tell from your posts if you still offer him pureed/nearly pureed food?

Both mine have had difficulties with texture. They have literally had a revolving menu of very well cooked chicken casserole with everything mashed (chicken taken apart to tiny strands), lamb casserole doing the same, fish pie with lots of cheese sauce so everything is very runny and soup.

One started to eat chunks around the age of 5. The youngest is 5 and although eats some chunks (pasta for example) he still won't touch meat unless it has been completely taken apart and even then he still spots it sometimes and refuses it

Neither of them would eat any crunchy fuit or veg (like cucumber, apple etc.)

Anemia does suppress appetite. Have you any opportunity to give an iron supplement? I always used spatone - gentle on tums. There's one that's Apple flavoured if you can get away with putting a little bit into drinks.

I have a lot of experience with problem eating but mine came via my son who has SEN. My older boy was also a plain old picky eater! I'm not for a second suggesting that your boy has SEN, but I've been through the mill with medical professionals etc. I've never found GPs or PHN much good about problem eating TBH. I don't think they have much training and tend to poo-poo. I noticed you said your boy avoids lumps and also takes a bite and throws. It might be worth asking your GP to take a look at his throat. Speech and Language Therapists are the ones to check their swallow.

You'll have to be very strong and insistent on a referral to a dietitian. We are under a dietician and were prescribed food replacement drinks; but my boy is 12 and was underweight. She was excellent & very reassuring. The one I saw worked in hospital with very sick kids (CF etc) so her approach was clinical.

She told me that the strongest indication of a poorly nourished child is restricted vertical growth. If your child is growing in height (related to your & his father's height), is maintaining weight and is generally vigorous- then you can reassure yourself that they're probably ok.

I read all the books back when my kids were small, but that was a decade ago! I found that the more I focused on their eating & stressed about it IN FRONT OF THEM the worse it went. I would put the food down and assume a facade of absolute indifference, however much I was fretting. I would put a few things on the plate (separately) including at least 1/2 items that they'd eaten pretty successfully in the past. After that it's up to them to decide what they want to eat. Rinse and repeat.

I wish you all the best... I remember the doing miserable sums at the end of every day trying to work out how much they'd eaten. No fun at all xx

Any tonsils/glue ear/adenoids issues?

I haven’t intentionally offered purée but he took a pouch and wanted it so for 2 weeks he ate them (only the sweet potato one) but one day he decided to refuse and cries if sees the pouch now

He did have severe reflux and had medication from 5 weeks to 12 months. I notice he has hiccups a lot but doesn’t seem to have reflux anymore. As far as I know toss etc all fine. He had what I was told was a severe tongue tie but he fed amazingly and put on weight so the mw said when he was newborn as he’s thriving leave it
I’m going to see if I can see the hv a couple of months earlier and maybe if she thinks he needs speech therapy can help

tonsils .....not toss

With pasta I’ve tried every type and colour. Big , small, tiny, on its own or mixed with other food.
He chokes on the bigger pieces if tries to eat them maybe that’s putting him off?

Have you tried pureeing spaghetti bolognaise?

DS ate pureed Spag bol, scrambled eggs, yogurt, apple sauce, cheese and soft biscuits basically till he was 3. Still had loads of pouches at that age. He was the same as your DS, used to choke on pieces, even tiny ones.

Is he definitely choking and not gagging? Choking is silent and they go blue. Gagging is red and loud. Gagging is very normal and you shouldn’t intervene or worry about it too much, they know how to work it out.

Choking ..and it’s terrifying
He’s silent when he does it I have had to tip him nearly upside down and administer back blows one occasion it wasn’t working I was shouting for dh to call 999 then it dislodged

The gp said it’s probably as he used to choke a lot with reflux (had sleep apnoea) and time just monitor
Half the time it seems unavoidable the rest he seems to do things like take a huge bite of banana or overfill his mouth on the occasions he does decide to try
But he refuses to let us feed him