Ds just won’t eat. I’m at a total loss

[marshmellowed]

Ds won’t eat. He’s 22 m

We starter weaning just after 6 m. Purees the finger foods. I noticed he would appear to like something then would go off it totally. Finger food consistency thrown. That’s normal at first.
Refuses totally anything more lumpy threw it or screamed and refused. Spat out if ever put any in mouth

From about 12 m things got worse he won’t even try anything new he looks at it likes it’s not food? We try to eat the same to show him we are having it and it is food. He throws it.

I’m the kitchen one day he opened the cupboard and pulled things out one was a baby pouch so he clearly remembers and he gestured he wanted to eat it (he can’t talk yet) he had the whole thing and for 2 weeks after ate lots ! The he refused them again and screams if he sees the pouch

Same with his yogurts he will love or hate. He’s barely eating. A typical day is

Breakfast
Water and a bite of banana, a few smoothie melt snacks (he always seems to choke on banana)

(Used to offer toast or porridge, fruits etc it all gets thrown)

Won’t eat any snacks although always offered fruit water and a biscuit just ignored or throws

Lunch is pasta and chicken or a sandwich and cucumber
Maybe eats a slice of cucumber and one bite literally or throws the lot
Sometimes will have a yog tube (df as cmpa)

Refuses snacks

Dinner we offer what we are having he rarely touches a thing

Has an evening drink of milk and will usually drink that
Has a breastfeed before bed and one about 6am in morning

I’m thinking of asking for his 2 year check to be early ? Because he’s not eating
Will not take vitamins either screams and spits them out

I want to tell you about my son but my kids are running around me so I can’t type!! I will come back though later. The tongue tie although doesn’t affect bf as he got used to feeding, it might be affecting his eating. Most children centre have a walk in breast feeding counsellor who can check it for you for free

Hi OP

Echoing the others in knowing just how tough and worrying this is.

He sounds very like my youngest DS ( and my eldest but he was less extreme). Also continued up his 25th centile and also had severe reflux. He refused milk as well and still somehow stayed on centile.

He still isn’t a massive eater now (5) and still won’t eat meat unless mince or anything crunchy like raw carrots. He did however gradually start to eat more. I also took to feeding snacks when out and about as he was distracted.

Interesting he still has a very sensitive gag reflex and chokes easily ( last month he is to have the Heimleich done on him). When he gets a cold he also gags and vomits a lot. The GP mentioned that for some reason his gag reflex hasn’t matured properly.

I would maybe try and see your GP though - my DS was a very early talker and this was always mentioned as a sign that they weren’t too concerned about anything physical.

Good luck - you will get through this.

Does he still have reflux? My sons came back

we were told it was the reflux he was on ranitidine and omeprazole but this was stopped at 12 and 13 months
He was constantly stopping breathing and bringing milk back up but not vomiting it was like it was sticking in his throat and choking him rather than big vomits
We had a sensor mat and a snuza alarm on nappy he was setting it off constantly the hospital said it was the reflux and the medication did really help
He sleeps ok now no snoring

I didn't get one bit. Did you do finger foods or purees or both?
Doe he have meals anywhere else?

It sounds like he hasn’t grown out of the reflux issues and the acid might be hurting his stomach and making him bring up the food and gag. I would go back to the GP with these concerns. Try Maalox Plus in the meantime with liquid multivitamins and fish oil. You will have to syringe it in his mouth. Ask the pharmacist for advice. Think the age is 24 months for the Maalox though so not sure if suitable for your son.

Hi OP. Just because you mention the very fussy eating and lack of speech (I know he is still very young), I would see your HV before his next review. I say this because I wish I had. My son is now 3 and non verbal as he was only referred for speech therapy 5 months a go (HV made a mistake and never referred him for SLT and only made a referral for autism assessment) and the speech therapy only started 2 weeks a go.

Here in Scotland it's a 27 month review so as you can imagine, he was 2 years and 3 months old before anything was picked up. I really didn't think fussy eating and lack of speech meant autism at all, just a bit slow/fussy perhaps. Your son is 22 months so if he can be referred asap, that is the best way. It's hard having a 3 year old that doesn't talk.

I don't want to scare you, I just want to give you advice. I hope it helps

Sounds similar to my DD. We she drank a lot (really a lot) of milk at that age - she was on toddler formula, which contains iron. Could you mix that with the soy milk to get some iron in? Or did you say your DS can't have dairy based formula?

We just let DD drink formula , until she slowly wanted to eat more solid food. She's now 6, and does eat solid food, but a pretty restricted range. The formula meant she had nutrients while she (slowly) came round to the idea of solid food - we chose that route, and it's minimised stress for all of us. DD is doing well at school, and is developmentally normal (except for food).

We started with veg purées just after 6 months which he ate.
Avoided fruits initially due to reflux
Started porridge and mashed banana which again he initially liked
At around 7 months started finger foods, the organix crisps/toast fingers/cooked veg/strips of chicken etc, they got thrown
Yogurts he either loves or refuses no idea from one day to the next. Consistently refused warm milk but absolutely loves cold milk and I’ve given him extra today and he’s drunk it all.

He projectile vomits anything with dairy. The soya toddler milk has iron and vitamins I’m scared to add anything in case it puts him off it

It’s a soya toddler formula and apparently 300 ml gives them all the need in terms of nutrients and he’s having about 200 ml each day today has had more so I think he gets vitamins from that fingers crossed

We relied on toddler formula for vitamins, and I hadn't realised your DS was on a toddler formula rather than 'plain' soya milk. If you're worried about calories, can you offer more milk? Nutrition wise, it's pretty complete - are you worried about his weight or what he eats? DD managed to drink so much, she was overweight at 3.5, so he certainly can get enough energy from it.

My DD is the same age and sounds very similar. Doesn't talk and rejects most food. She also refuses to sit at the table or in the high chair. Sometimes I'll give in and feed her in front of the tv which is more successful. She may eat some berries, possibly an egg and a few mouthfuls of cereal. She's very small for her age too. She does like milk tho.

If he'll drink orange juice the Syton mixes really well with it and tastes quite nice. (it's how I take it on a morning!)

Does he go to nursery or a childminder, or a family member

No he is just with me each day. He won’t drink fruit juice just water, alpro 1-3 toddler milk and breastmilk
He’s had a lot more soya milk today he’s grabbed it off me each time and drunk lots.
Yes he hates the highchair now, I’ve been trying to make snack times fun by putting out a little mat, telling him it’s snack time and sitting with him but he still doesn’t eat, mealtimes he does sit with us but didn’t seem to want to copy us by eating.
I think till I can speak to the hv or gp I’m just going to let him drink more milk as I am worried about the vitamins and iron

I think sticking with giving him the milk he’s wanting while still making food available is a good idea till you get some advice. That way your not stressing that he’s not getting the calories and nutrients he needs and aren’t putting pressure on yourself to try get more food into him.

I'd stop feeding him in the high chair for now. Let him do something he really enjoys sitting in there and build up the good association.

Have you heard of Neocate Spoon? It's basically a very thick formula that you can feed. It mixes very smooth and you can mix fruit puree or whatever into it too.

myneocate.co.uk/learn/neocate-spoon

Only downside is it's very expensive but is totally dairy free and might be worth a try.

I will have a look at the neocate

Reading with interest. My DD has always had food issues and sensory issues around food from a very early age. She was diagnosed with ASD at 4 which explains her control around food.
We also have Just Take A Bite that a previous poster suggested which provides great advice.
We also paid privately for her to go to a speech and language therapist specialising in childhood eating issues around the age of 2 which helped although far from perfect still.
We also try to eat as a family wherever possible and put all the food in the middle of the table so that DD can help herself. Therefore even if she's unable to eat she can still take part in the meal. In addition, as well as whatever we're eating she has a portion of safe food in a dish beside her so that she wont go hungry.
When children eat the same thing consistently we were told they can develop food jags which is where they refuse a previously eaten food. This is difficult to manage with a limited diet so the focus is around trying to broaden their range in a safe space. So if he eats breadsticks for example can he eat a ritz cracker, a cream cracker etc.
Good luck- I've been there and it's v stressful!

Sorry to add my DD also had CMPA. It really seems as though there is an issue with his swallow making it uncomfortable for him. A speech and language therapist should also be able to look at this

Keep breastfeeding and I wouldn't up other milks as this is likely to push out the breastfeeding. Breastmilk is more nutritious and suited to him than any other type of milk. Obviously it's OK for him to have other milk - but I wouldn't be looking to up it is all :)

My DS1 did this and it was so stressful - but in hindsight trying to cut down on breastfeeding made things worse, not better, and it was reassuring that he was getting the calories and nutrients from breastmilk.

Also in hindsight people told me to just give him junk foods so he would learn to feel full - this didn't really work and absolutely fucked up his sense of what a normal portion of a treat food is, which I'm still trying (failing) to fix.

He just finally got it one day. I have absolutely no idea what fixed it, but he just started eating. I didn't make a song and dance about it or praise him etc as I wanted him to feel in control and not that it was something I was trying to influence him in, which seemed to help - he didn't later drop, but has always been very fussy and won't eat unless he's very starving, very bored or the food is something he really likes (generally junk food, he is 11 now). Sometimes all three have to be right and he will eat enough to stave off the hunger and then stop, rather than eat enough to see him through until the next mealtime.

I was recommended My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzales but it was out of print at the time - it's since been rereleased as a new edition.

Is he under a paediatrician at all? Sounds like he has a few issues going on which although may seem separate could be linked and provide some answers.

When all physical reasons have been ruled out then have a look at Avoidant Resistant Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)

Sounds like you are doing everything you can so time to start shouting for support. It’s hard especially if they are maintaining weight, it took weight loss for us to be taken seriously.

Good luck!

DS2 was an absolute nightmare to feed. He dropped off the centiles because he was so skeletal. He too had bad reflux. Your DS could also have reflux still, even if it's no longer visible. Try giving him ranitidine or gaviscon with food to see if it helps. It's very stressful.

Of all the advice we had, these helped most:
Put Abidec vitamin drops in his evening milk.
Give him choices. Just set out little bowls of various textures and tastes and let him choose. Include baby pouches too if he likes them.
Keep a diary of what he eats over a week. Day by day babies can choose very limited foods. Over a week it should even out.
It doesn;t matter at all if he suddenly prefers just one food from each main food group. He can live very healthily on food pouches, toast and milk with vitamin drops in. Allow time for him to become more curious about food.
Eat in front of him with real enjoyment. Don't offer him any unless he seems curious and don;t worry at all if he does then spits it out, just say it's delicious. Let him see you liking different foods.
If you can, get him to have spoonfuls of very high calorie foods. DS would eat two mouthfuls and then reject anything more, so I had to make sure those two mouthfuls had lots in them - avocado mashed with greek yoghurt or wholemeal bread with peanut butter and cream cheese, cut into tiny square sandwiches.
Try really unlikely foods. DS2 turned out to love hummous. DS1 would chomp through feta and olives.
Make healthy versions of fast food. Chicken or cod goujons, sweet potato fries etc.

Today has been even worse than usual. We saw the hv though and will be seeing her again in 2 weeks
Have to keep a food diary plus note down what we offered him too

Today was
Offered : seedy bread toast and spread, some banana, water
Didn’t eat any, so offered a biscuit he ate a third of that
Mid morn he had 6 oz soya milk thre a breastfeed then slept for 3 hours......
Lunch offered was some chicken, cucumber, strawberries, pasta. All thrown on the floor.....
Didn’t want any grapes mid aft had some water and another breastfeed
Dinner was thrown across the room (fish fingers, sweet potato and peas)
He ate a biscuit and a yogurt