Ds just won’t eat. I’m at a total loss

[marshmellowed]

Ds won’t eat. He’s 22 m

We starter weaning just after 6 m. Purees the finger foods. I noticed he would appear to like something then would go off it totally. Finger food consistency thrown. That’s normal at first.
Refuses totally anything more lumpy threw it or screamed and refused. Spat out if ever put any in mouth

From about 12 m things got worse he won’t even try anything new he looks at it likes it’s not food? We try to eat the same to show him we are having it and it is food. He throws it.

I’m the kitchen one day he opened the cupboard and pulled things out one was a baby pouch so he clearly remembers and he gestured he wanted to eat it (he can’t talk yet) he had the whole thing and for 2 weeks after ate lots ! The he refused them again and screams if he sees the pouch

Same with his yogurts he will love or hate. He’s barely eating. A typical day is

Breakfast
Water and a bite of banana, a few smoothie melt snacks (he always seems to choke on banana)

(Used to offer toast or porridge, fruits etc it all gets thrown)

Won’t eat any snacks although always offered fruit water and a biscuit just ignored or throws

Lunch is pasta and chicken or a sandwich and cucumber
Maybe eats a slice of cucumber and one bite literally or throws the lot
Sometimes will have a yog tube (df as cmpa)

Refuses snacks

Dinner we offer what we are having he rarely touches a thing

Has an evening drink of milk and will usually drink that
Has a breastfeed before bed and one about 6am in morning

I’m thinking of asking for his 2 year check to be early ? Because he’s not eating
Will not take vitamins either screams and spits them out

He had Sytron for a few months but I had to pin him down in the end to get any in
Now he has well baby drops but he spits it all out
I’ve tried giving iron rich foods he throws them so I’m quite worried
The only thing is he will drink soya 1-3 but I worry giving too much soya (he won’t drink df formula) he will only drink the soya milk cold from the fridge I do wonder as it’s quite think and he wants it cold does it soothe his throat maybe it is still reflux ? I could offer more of that but I’ve been putting off falling into the trap of a backwards step to milk reliance but I’m desperate now

It does have iron and vitamins that’s what I’m thinking he currently has 5-6 oz after bath then he has some stores etc and a breastfeed he would happily drink more of the soya milk maybe I should give more ?

Do you think he's taking more on the breastfeeds than you think? He might be filling up on this. It's easy as he's not having to chew, no lumps. I weaned my DS at 2 yrs, he was only having morning and evening. But his appetite really increased. In the end I found it too hard to reduce to one feed a day or decrease feed length so I just said no more. Went "Cold turkey". Stopped at 2 years 1 month, after trying to decrease over that month after turning 2. I can admit it was uncomfortable and I had to hand and pump express to get comfortable, but after two weeks and a few painkillers I was fine! So he was taking a lot more than I thought, he only had quick feeds. DS cried once when he asked at bed time and then never asked again, he was pretty non verbal also, but totally understood. I subbed in smoothies for him or yoghurt based drinks to start with, but he wasn't that bothered and they haven't been something we have given him long term. Just a thought.

I would add the vitamins to his drink, squash or the soya milk, this is what we did until he was old enough to have a vitamin "sweet"

Chocking and reflux really point to a physical issue with his food refusal. I'd take him to a GP asap as you may have a long road before you until you finally see a specialist.

I also would not stop or reduce bf. It's common advice but it doesn't necessarily improve things for toddlers with food issues, while at the same time they lose one source of nutrition.

I think he probably has quite a lot but I thought it’s twice a day so shouldn’t affect his appetite but maybe it is ? I could try and cut the 6am feed but he would then probably be awake earlier although perhaps he may then eat breakfast as currently fed at 6 am wakes properly at 7 and we offer breakfast at 8 as before then he won’t touch a thing

Yes this is why I’ve kept feeding it’s hard to know how much he is actually getting from me

I'd say I'd talk to doc about swallow, throat etc before I'd drop a bf. With everything you said about reflux & choking it's definitely worth investigating.

I decided today to give him his lunch as usual which he ate about 1 eighth of and then I gave him a whole cup of milk after which he grabbed off me and drank so he clearly is hungry/thirsty but he hadn’t had any of his water

Well I say lunch as it was after his nap so it was 3pm that’s another thing he has v long naps still

Awww OP, this really takes me back. My oldest dd started well with weaning but hit 12 months and her appetite just went. I used to cry on the phone every night to dh when she left yet another uneaten dinner. I remember trying to shove a few cheerios in her mouth when she had her pre-bed play so she wouldn't starve to death over night. I was so worried, it just consumed me.

She started eating better after her second birthday I think and things got much better after that.

I'm afraid I don't know anything about reflux but just wanted to offer support. It's so stressful when your child won't eat.

I really hope things improve soon.

What county are you in? In my county you can self refer to the children's therapy service centrally and a lot of info is asked for regarding eating via the speech therapy route. How is his talking also ? ( sorry you might of said but I've commented on a few different threads today and get mixed up.) So it could be connected, you can do this referral form yourself or your health Vistor can do it. But in my experience you've more chance of being seen if you fill in the detailed info, but it depends on your HV team, if they are happy to come visit you at home they might support. There are conditions like oral dyspraxia which would affect speech and eating. I think you have a good chance of being seen once he turns 2, we got seen at 2, don't let them fob you off with the wait and see until 3 yrs blah blah. Other counties might have speech drops ins, if you are in a sure start centre area. Worth looking into.

You could try once with giving breakfast before a bf in the morning. If he still doesn't want it then you can still bf him later. It's not set in stone. I'm totally for extended bf, I was giving my experience that my DS ate much more after stopping feeding at 2 yrs. BUT he didn't have eating issues, he has some speech and mouth issues though. I know it's ideal to let them self wean. Every child is different.

He doesn’t really talk. He occasionally will wave and say bye bye. Tries to say ‘bubble’ and ‘dada’ but not often.
He understands everything though can point to things if we ask him to etc

Have you had his tongue tie checked again?

marshmellowed try and get speech therapy - especially as he understands language but has problems producing it. In combination with the choking on food it points to a physical issue and speech therapists deal with both issues as they're often connected.

No it was checked at birth then at 1 and 2 weeks each mw remarked on it but he was feeding absolutely fine so nothing needed to be done apparently

One of mine still doesn't eat pasta and he's nearly 9 (years) ... People always seem convinced that all children eat pasta and try to get me to say he eats plain pasta, but no - he can't stand the texture of pasta and gags. He has lots of texture issues, slowly getting better (first accepted bananas at 6 years old, now loves them so much we have to have a 2 per day maximum, first managed to eat scrambled egg at 7, now also eats quiche... It's all texture related). His speech was fairly early though so not a physical swallowing issue...

How is he with less squashy stuff - toast or crackers maybe?

I still think it's a physical issue though.

OP that sounds difficult!

Search ‘local offer’ on your council website - this should be where all the different children’s services and spring l needs are located. You may very well find a drop in speech therapy session at one of your local libraries, clinics or CAMHS. The choking alone sounds worrying. My DSs weren’t speaking until after 2 but they’re are twins - and the paediatrician wasn’t worried - but you have few things going on. How about some really tasty things in a soup or soft foods - then maybe you’ll know if it’s a physical issue or a psychological?

If you Google your local speech therapy service there should be a number you can call for self referral or an advice line. When you call mention the difficulties he has with eating and swallowing - Speech and language have to prioritise swallowing issues (which often happen alongside speech delays/difficulties).

Gagging is very normal and you shouldn’t intervene or worry about it too much, they know how to work it out. this is true to an extent, however when a child has reflux, gagging can be a sign of refluxing. In combination with the op's other concerns, gagging can also indicate real difficulties with lumps, and a need to have smoother textures for a while longer.

Also my DS was terrible at eating but he really responded to textures. Crunchy things that dissolve seemed to go down well - water crackers and poppadums were first foods- followed by olives (strong flavour)

Sorry, I might have missed this, but how is he with liquids? Does he drink from an open cup/bottle/sippy cup? Does he dribble much?

Agree to get the tongue tie rechecked by specialist. Dd1 had tongue tie but bf fine and grew on centiles fine. But couldn't get solid food to the back of her mouth, so could only manage food she could drink, have spooned far back in her mouth, or suck down without chewing eg penne pasta. Had it fixed under general anaesthesia about age 2.5. I wouldn't be surprised if memories of choking are causing some food aversions.

Get his tongue checked again. Does he snore when he sleeps? What caused the sleep apnea?

Don’t stop the bf yet until it gets resolved.