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Original poster

10 month old still not STTN and I feel like a failure

65 replies

Retpark101 · 07/11/2019 23:57

DD is 10 months old and has never slept through, the most she’s done is 4 hours in a row.

Currently she is rocked to sleep for naps and bedtime, I have tried everything else including CC which after a week didn’t get any better at all.

I’m still breastfeeding so have resigned to letting her feed during the night as she generally just needs this to go back to sleep. Until these last 2 weeks.

She keeps waking up crying, she won’t be rocked to sleep at bedtime, infact right now she is laid next to me in bed screaming crying. I’ve cuddled her and fed her etc she has been doing this for 2 hours now.

Can there really be babies who are THIS BAD at sleeping? I feel like such a failure of a mum, all my friends babies STTN, they go to sleep in their pushchair/car seat etc.

I feel like somewhere I really went wrong, I darent even ask my mum to babysit in the evening as I know DD will just scream until she is rocked (which poor mum can’t do anymore as DD is understandably too heavy)

I guess I’m just wondering if there’s anyone else out there wotha TERRIBLE sleeper, or who has a terrible sleeper and they suddenly grew out of it?

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 08/11/2019 00:00

My dgd3 is a terrible sleeper and no, she hasn't grown out if it. She's never had a sleepover here. The one time we tried, her df had to come and get her.
.

MrTumbleTumble · 08/11/2019 00:02

You haven't done anything wrong and it's entirely normal.

I went back to work when DS was 10 months old and it was HORIFFIC. I was barely getting more than 3 hours sleep a night and I was a total zombie.

We tried everything we could think of to improve his sleep. Then suddenly, around 14 months old, things started improving. He went for longer stretches and now at 2yo sleeps 7-7 every night.

I'd read that sleeping through the night was developmental, but didn't believe it. It felt like everyone elses baby slept and mine was broken. But now I can see how it must be true, because I didn't do anything that "fixed" it. Hang in there, be kind to yourself, and it will happen eventually

curlykaren · 08/11/2019 00:04

My son didn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch until he started school. It was fucking soul destroying. The absolute worst thing you can do is beat yourself up about it. Just do whatever will get you the most sleep at any given time. My sympathy to you 💟

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LauraPalmersBodybag · 08/11/2019 00:09

It’s not your fault

WTFdidwedo · 08/11/2019 00:11

My daughter is almost 3. She's slept through about four times. My 18 month old has not slept longer than 5 hours, and it's normally only 3. It is perfectly normal (although it's fucking irritating, granted).

obviously · 08/11/2019 00:12

Can there really be babies who are THIS BAD at sleeping? I feel like such a failure of a mum,

Why? You are not a failure. Some kids just don't sleep. No reflection on your parenting

icouldwriteabook · 08/11/2019 00:19

My son is 10 months and currently wide awake inbetween is. Where he’s slept most of his life. I went to Argos at 8pm last night to buy a travel cot. Will he sleep in it? No. Has he slept through the night? Nope. You’re doing everything right. Nothing at all wrong. We’re heros and they’ll sleep when they like. Dont worry please. Enjoy her being little and the storm will pass, I tell myself every night that one day I’ll get my evenings back!

Douberry · 08/11/2019 00:21

I'm of the belief that "sleeping through" just isn't what the majority of babies do. Take your mum friends' reports of little Johnny sleeping through the night with a pinch of salt - my experience so far is that there's always a bit of embellishment there. I hope it gets easier for you OP. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and feed/rock away if that is what it takes. Co-sleep (following the guidance of course) if it means you also get some much needed rest. Also at 10 months, maybe check that she is getting enough solids during the day. I've found that when my 18 month old has a nice full tummy, he generally sleeps better. Good luck OP!

Original poster

Retpark101 · 08/11/2019 00:22

Thank you, I actually feel a little better reading your replies.
I know what you mean about your baby being “broken” compared to everyone elses.
It’s soul destroying when you trying everything, routines, CC, co sleeping.
I keep telling myself she can’t possinly be like this still at 18

OP posts:

smegsmeg · 08/11/2019 00:24

Don't worry my DS didn't sleep through the night until 2 years old! Was up 3 - 4 times a night. He is now also going through a phase of getting up 1 - 2 times a night at 3!

Don't beat yourself up OP, every child is different

DoraleeRhodes · 08/11/2019 00:54

Don’t worry, it’s nothing you’ve done!
My 10 month old is a terrible sleeper, will usually do about 4hours at the start of the night but once we've had one wake up she won’t do longer than 1.5hrs at a go, and usually ends up coming in with us. My eldest was similar but something just clicked around 14 months and he’s Been a great sleeper since, so I’m just trying to keep the faith that we’ll get there in the end.

DramaAlpaca · 08/11/2019 01:01

It's not you. Some babies just don't sleep. My youngest was two & a half before he slept through the night. It nearly broke me as my older two were decent sleepers. He got there eventually.

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 08/11/2019 01:06

My five year old has slept through the night only about ten times her entire life! Don’t worry about it- this is what kids do! I’ve got a few freaky mates with their freaky, sleepy kids but most people I know have variations of kids coming into their beds, cuddling their preschoolers to sleep, sitting with them while they go back to sleep etc. Totally normal.

DippyAvocado · 08/11/2019 01:14

My bad-sleeping DD2 started to sleep through the night all of a sudden last summer, literally overnight. I'm afraid she was nearly 7 though! Came as a bit of a shock as DD1 slept through at 8 weeks.

I did manage to break the feed-to- sleep cycle fairly early on, around 8 months, by very gradually reducing the amount of time I let her feed for at each feed. So if she often woke at 1am, I fed her for 10 minutes. Then the next night for 9 minutes, then 8 etc. Eventually I got down to a 30 second feed, so the night after I just picked her up and she settled (in bed with me) with just a cuddle and no feed so at least I got back to sleep a bit quicker. Then I repeated with a feed at a different time. I did find it somewhat reduced the frequency of night wakings although as I said, she was still coming into my bed at night until she was six!

missyoumuch · 08/11/2019 01:58

It's not your fault. I have two DCs, the older one aged 4 is still a terrible sleeper while younger one aged 2 has been a great sleeper from birth. I haven't done anything differently with their sleep routines. And both were breastfed for 15+ months with no formula so that's not the reason either. Each child is different - so sorry you got a non-sleeper, I feel your pain.

YouBoggleMyMind · 08/11/2019 02:00

My almost 2 year old doesn't sleep through the night. I'm stood by his cot right now.
You're not a failure at all. All babies are different and there's so much development that happens in such a short space of time, it's going to have an effect.

OkPedro · 08/11/2019 02:08

My son now 8 just didn’t like sleep, he preferred to keep me awake slowly driving me insane. I tried every sleep technique. I bought all the books. I did gentle cry it out. I moved him from my room to his room many times. We co slept and did dream feeds. He was never breast fed so IMO I think bf is not a reason that babies don’t sleep through the night. One night when my son was 16 months he slept from 8pm till 7am. I DID NOTHING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN
I could have cried. I also have a daughter who is 11. She slept through from 6 weeks 7-7..napped twice a day.. No one knows what baby they are going to get 😁

It’s such a hard time and it feels like it won’t ever end. I hope things improve for you soon retpark101

helloooomeee · 08/11/2019 02:43

Every child is different. DS 1 slept through from being just weeks old, (he was however a very highly strung individual who made up for it during the day!) DS2 is 4 and has only managed to sleep through a handful of times...We're up with him now. He has never been a great sleeper and has lurched from one issue to the next. Right now it's because he wants to be dry at night but isn't. Before that it was night terrors, if he's over stimulated and doesn't get enough sleep during the day he will be up screaming all night. He's too hot, too cold, needs a drink, needs a wee, needs his covers.... DT's 8months are usually only up once in the night and straight back down although 1 of them has got very clingy recent and wakes as soon as you put him down!

TabithasMumCaroline · 08/11/2019 02:52

Ds1 was ebf and fed every hour and a half through the day and night. When he was 10 months I turned off the bf tap and he finally started to sleep.
We tried everything. Stopping bf was the only thing that worked.

PaisleyPrintz · 08/11/2019 03:03

Are you a first time parent?

Dc1 first slept through at 18 months
Dc2 at 2.5 years

They're now much older and I long for those days 😔 when they were tiny and cuddly.

MilkLady02 · 08/11/2019 03:36

I feel the same OP! I have a 9 month old who sleeps for a few hours, but once he’s been awake, then wakes every hour for the rest of the night! We’re on wake up number 3 atm! I often just feed back to sleep as I’m at work FT so do whatever is needed to get most sleep! It does feel like I must be doing something wrong, but have tried several different things. I know deep down that it will happen when it happens, but can’t help but feel that maybe it’s something I’m doing. I like DippyAvocado’s idea of reducing the feed times, I’m going to try that! .

happypotamus · 08/11/2019 06:57

My non-sleeping child is now 5, she didn't routinely sleep through the night until she was 4. She does now usually sleep through in her own bed, but she doesn't go to sleep until about 9 and someone has to sit next to her bed for over a hour until she is asleep. When she was about 10 months old I went back to work doing 13hr days, she would sleep for about 2hrs at a time at that point but only if I sat up and held her. I used to keep thinking I should try something to sort out her sleeping but was far too tired to, and I couldn't just leave her to cry because we have another DC and neighbours to think about.

user1480880826 · 08/11/2019 07:02

Mine didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2. I also exclusively breastfed. I stopped feeding to sleep quite early on but he still didn’t sleep through the night for a very long time. I might weaned at 13 months thinking that if he didn’t eat at night he would eat better during the day (which he did) but he continued to wake regularly at night until he was 2.

Some babies just don’t sleep.

However, what you’ve described is more than a baby not sleeping through. Screaming for long stretches is not normal. I think it would be worth a trip to the GP or HV.

BonnyE · 08/11/2019 07:52

Our DD was around 18 months before this happened. Was bf in the night when my NCT friends had looong given that up. However she's now 22 months and sleeps really well. She just did it in her own time. I think they all do eventually. I still bf last thing at night before bed time

BonnyE · 08/11/2019 07:53

Is she teething? DD gets particularly unsettled at night (loud screaming) when teething even if she seems ok during the day.

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